My answer when asked if God was still speaking to me. |
The United Church of Christ has a slogan: “God is Still Speaking”. A few years ago I was asked what that meant to me. After much soul searching I actually came up with an answer. When I was a child, I remember thinking of God as someone who loved me, but who was very high up in the sky looking down to make sure I did the things I should do, and who made a mark in a big book every time I did something wrong. I never thought about God speaking directly to me, and I certainly never thought of listening. As I grew older I realized that God wasn’t so far away, that He was always near and helping me make decisions – when I’d let Him. I hadn’t heard the concept of “giving it up to God” yet. Of course I prayed whenever there was something I wanted, some way I wanted things to be, or if something was wrong. The first time I really remember God speaking, and me really listening, was when our oldest daughter, Sandi, was pregnant with her third child. Sandi was having problems early in the pregnancy, and there was some doubt as to whether she would have a successful pregnancy. I might never get to hold my grandchild. I was tormented and couldn’t think of anything I could do to help, experiencing the tight chest and shallow breathing we all get when we are stressed. One night when I was in bed, my brain going a hundred different ways at once, I remembered something I had read some time before. Something about when you ask God for help, YOU have to let go – let God have it completely. God can’t take it if you haven’t let go. So there I was. Scared, but suddenly willing to tell God I would give this completely to Him. Instantly, the most amazing thing happened. I felt a huge weight lifted off my chest. The muscles relaxed and I could breathe again. It was as if I could actually feel God take it from me, and I didn’t worry after that. After the Samantha was born, Sandi remarked that I hadn’t seemed concerned about the baby’s health. I told her, when you trust God to take care of it, when you really give a problem to Him, then you just trust. In 2003, my husband was diagnosed with lymphoma. The “C” word, cancer. I felt as if I was losing my best friend and was frightened beyond belief. After several weeks, it occurred to me out of the blue (Now where had that come from?) that God had taken a man who rarely went to a doctor unless someone forced him, and He got him there in the early stages of the disease. I reminded myself, often, that God was with us and all I had to do was trust. Gerry’s chemo was not as bad as we had thought it would be. Although he didn‘t feel great and it sapped his strength, he didn’t have the awful sickness that most people do when receiving chemotherapy. He didn’t lose any hair (I know – I checked the drain in the shower regularly!) and the cat-scan after chemo showed no sign of the disease. He continues to see the doctor regularly and we will keep praying that it’s gone for good. During the time Gerry was taking chemo, our seventh grandchild was born. We hadn’t had a baby around for many years, so we were riding high! The day before Easter, Jackie, the baby and I were going shopping when a young man lost control of his car on a damp road and hit us more or less head-on. No one in our car was hurt badly. There were lots of bruises and Jackie had broken four bones in her foot. The young man in the other car,however, was taken to the hospital with severe leg and lung injures. We were suprised and pleased when he was released about a week after the accident. We couldn’t figure out why Jackie’s car had not turned over or at least turned on its side since we ended up in a pretty steep ditch. And, why there were no marks in the dirt of the ditch to show where we had slid in? It wasn’t torn up much at all except for the sign that was knocked down. I remember going by the spot a day or two later and not being able to tell exactly where we had been. Later, when we were discussing the accident, my son-in-law, Bill, asked me if the air bags had deployed. I was trying to think about what I had seen and heard. I remembered seeing the car coming toward us, hearing more than feeling the impact, seeing brown smoke and something white cutting off part of my vision for a split second. Then I remember feeling weightless. Weightless? After Bill thought about that for a while, he came up with a scenario that astounded us. That itty bitty car hit the SUV we were in, lifted us up off the road and sat us down in that ditch, avoiding God only knows what. Now you can put whatever spin you want on that, but I believe God picked us up and sat us down in that ditch. He was speaking – loud and clear – that He is with us, always. Has God been speaking to me? You bet! Have I been listening? Yes! And I’m paying attention for further bulletins. Is God still speaking? Absolutely! All we have to do is stop trying to do everything ourselves. Give our problems to God, be quiet, and listen. |