Dear Mom and Dad

I have forgotten what it was I was not supposed to tell you
So I will just shut up now.

It’s just too easy to dwell
On all these things nagging for attention,
Screaming to be screamed,
Kept in side by the fear of there exposure
It’s overwhelming keeping all these secrets from you.

I’m no longer sure what you should know
I ought to tell you something.
That’s what other people do in our situation
They talk to each other, or yell at each other.
Will you cry with me?
I really want to cry.

If only I could be certain
If there was a way to know that these nightmares can’t come true
If you had not given me reason to believe the worst
If only the world spun in a different direction
Then this would be easy

I don’t think these secrets are that bad
I don’t think they are a reason to be upset
But you may be upset
You may be angry, you may cry, you may yell
You may question why this had to happen to you

It did not happen to you
It happened to me
It’s what I am
A freak and a disappointment in your eyes

That’s why I can’t tell you
I have caused you enough disappointment,
And given you enough reasons to fight
Why give you more reasons to be miserable?
Why do to you what I did to myself?
I am saving you then, by not telling
I am dying

You think you want to know
You may think you want me to tell you these things but you don’t
I know you don’t really care

And who said you need to know?
I am doing quite fine keeping these secrets inside

Only I’m not
They claw at me, tearing at my insides
Breaking down the walls that hold back my emotions
They need to be said,
To be screamed from a roof top
Till my vocal cords fail
Then I can’t speak
Then I can’t tell you what I was not supposed to.


Still I need to let the whole world know
And by doing so I will no longer have to live in fear

I will still be afraid
I have reason to be.

I feel like I should tell because that’s what people do
I feel like I should tell before this kills me
I could lose a home for this, I could lose my sanity

I can talk my self out of it now
Some day you do need to know
Though I don’t know why

I wish I could forget what it is that I am not supposed to tell you
But I can’t so I had better shut up know