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Ummm...this is my blog. Yeah, that's it...my blog. |
I dedicate this blog to my sister Chewie Kittie  . If it weren't for her very kind and generous  I wouldn't have even found WDC much less been upgraded to keep a blog. As you will soon find out I lead a pretty boring life.  I will try and spice it up as much as I can. I have to admit that keeping an on-line journal sounded very appealing and now I get to. Yea for me! Okay peeps...enjoy! |
| Here is a link to a review of the play I'm in. http://kennebecjournal.mainetoday.com/news/local/4191703.html There will probably be pictures posted at www.gaslighttheater.org after the final performance on Saturday. And in other news... Mom gets here Thursday afternoon. I'm so grateful. Things are getting tough. I just want to tip my hat to all the single moms out there. What I'm going through is NOTHING compared to what they have to (or have had to) endure for much longer periods of time. I'm missing hubby something fierce and Trot sure misses his daddy. We talk everyday but it's just not the same. I miss his company and making each other laugh. Things are going okay with the house. I just wish we would hear back from the moving company on the actual moving date. And I haven't heard anything from our realtor. Hopefully there will be some bites soon on the house. Too much going on at once if you ask me, but everything will work out. Okay, I better get back to work. I've tried and tried to think of other ways to pass the time, but I don't think it would be a good idea to read my book right in front of my boss. On the other hand...what are they going to do? Fire me?? |
| I like my house. I do. But I'm not sorry to be moving away from here where most homes were built pre-1850. So Monday I was getting ready to go to work and hubby was helping get Trot ready to go to daycare. Well, the windows in our living room are probably the original ones. They have that weight system in them, but we haven't gotten around to fixing them yet so you have to use a piece of wood or some other long stick thingy to prop up the window. Hubby was in the bath room brushing his teeth and getting himself ready when he hears Trot say, "Look Daddy!" Trot has magically pulled out the stick holding up the window. Did the window shut?? Nope. But he did manage to leave a car in the window seal. So hubby is all, "Okay, son. Can you put down the stick now??" And before he can get to him, Trot reached in the window seal to get his car just in time for the window to close on his little hand. I was in the kitchen making my lunch and heard the window come crashing down and hubby running to save his little hand and then this blood curdling scream. I think if I would have been in there I would have passed out. He cried for a good 5 to 10 minutes and we were all panicked, throwing ice on it and hugging him and freaked out that bones might be broken. So we took him to get some x-rays and luckily nothing was broken. Just a bad bruise. So I am not unhappy to see us sell this mammoth death trap. I can only imagine what would happen if we stayed here after the twins arrive. Those 3 would probably lose a limb when it's all said and done. |
| I'll give you two guesses who this blog will be about but you'll only need one. Give up?? Yep. That's right. FIL is at it again. His future is still very uncertain at this point as far as the trial and jail and whatnot. I'm not saying he should hole-up and stop living, but this man is like the grasshopper who sang all summer. So where am I going with all this?? Well, first of all I wouldn't trust this man to be the banker in a game of Monopoly. He just can't manage money to save his life. And hubby and I feel he is making some very poor decisions for someone who may or may not go to prison. But whatever. So anywho, this donkey decided to buy (on top of EVERYTHING else) a boat. Not a large one. Hell, not even a ski boat or anything like that. It's just a little 4-seater boat. Not big deal. You can probably just fish and joy ride in it. But let's take into account that first of all there was the expense of buying said boat. Then you have to get insurance for it. Now you have to register it. And let's not forget that we live in Maine where winterizing a boat is a necessity. Okay fine. Great. Grand. Whatever. So you are so freaking depressed with your life (I would be too if I were married to that shrew) you have to spend money to have moments of happiness. It's your money, not mine. Well, I asked hubby if they were boat people when he was growing up. He said no. I said really?? Never?? He said they never, ever owned a boat. I found this a little bizarre. The way FIL wanted a boat, it was like he'd had a boat forever then he had to give it up for a period of time and now he finally got to have his boat back. Nope. He just needed to have that boat. I guess the good thing is that he's actually using it. I find it somewhat comical though that MIL is terrified of the water and boats. I'm sure that was a major driving force for the purchase as well. Just to piss her off. That is one messed up marriage. A couple of nights ago, FIL and BIL took the boat out asked if step-daughter wanted to go. We drove her down to the docks and sent her on her merry way to have fun. FIL is one of those people who think he's really funny when in all reality he's just a complete tool. His ridiculous pranks finally got the best of him. There must have been a dead fish lying around on the docks or the boat ramp and he thought he would scare step-daughter so he kicked it at her. Now, I'm no fish expert by any means. Hell, I've only been fishing 3 times in my life and all of those were when I was a wee lass. But there were 2 rules I remembered A) be careful of the hook and B) if you do catch a fish, for the love of God, watch out for the gills. Back to the kicking of the fish... The jackass cut his foot all the way to the bone. Now a couple of days have gone by and guess what. The cut is infected. And this man used to be a PA who owned his own walk-in clinic for such injuries and the like. Thank goodness I've never maimed myself in his presence. He'd probably be like that medieval barber, Theodoric of York that Steve Martin used to play on SNL. "What you need is a good bleeding." "But I'm bleeding already." "Hey, who's the barber here??" |
| Not a very exciting blog today. Sorry to my huge readership. Ummm...is that even a word? Readership? Oh well.... Anywho. Just sitting here at work trying to pass the time. Boss is out at some meeting so it shouldn't be too hard to slack. We find out the sex of the babies today and time is really dragging until I get to leave for the sonogram. I had a blog all planned out that would have amounted to something, but I think I'll watch some more ESPN and then post. This blog entry just went down in history as the worst one ever. Oh the shame. Oh, one more thing. A quick plug for a really good blog that I've recently discovered.
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| A very loud, unattractive, mean woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says "Good morning,and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid? "I'm neither blind nor stupid", replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice." |
| Just a quick update It's official. Hubby and I are westward bound. I'm so excited. It's kind of happening fast. Hubby's last day will be August 3rd and I've told my work August 31st. Still lots of unanswered questions but at least we know we will not have to deal with another Maine winter. Not to mention the in-laws. We told them Sunday. Let's just say they were less than thrilled. I have a WHOLE crazy story about them but that will be another blog. There just isn't enough time right now. Plus I want to focus on happy thoughts right now. I will officially be a New Mexican by early September. And on that note let me just say... Buenas tardes mi amigos/amigas! |
| I fear all we have done is awakened a sleeping giant and filled him with terrible resolve. ~Admiral Yamamoto on attacking Pearl Harbor I have a feeling that Kobayashi was thinking the same thing yesterday about Chestnut yesterday during the "Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest." Okay, so maybe he wasn't thinking anything that severe, but he knew deep down inside that his 6 year eating rein of terror was about to come to an end. And an end it did. Joey Chestnut managed to cram 3 more hot dogs down his throat than Kobayashi. The final count? 66 to 63.  I don't think I've eaten 66 hot dogs in the past 10 years. Truly the most disturbing 12 minutes I've ever been witness to. The feeding frenzy would rival that of barracudas on an injured capibara. I think the most ridiculous portion of the whole train wreck was when one of the idiotic commentators said that "this is one of the greatest moments in professional sports!!" referring to the fact that Chestnut would be victorious. Are you f'ing kidding me??? Someone needs to whoop the shit outta that dude. The 2004 ALCS, the 1997 NCAA Men's Basketball tournament, Mary Lou in the '84 Olympics. Now those are great moments in sports. Not proving that you are a glutton when it comes to frankfurters and buns.  Don't get me wrong, it's time Kobayashi was de-throned, and who better to do it than an iron-gutted American, once again confirming that not only is the US the fattest nation, but how we got that way. So hats off to you Mr. Chestnut. May your days wearing the mustard colored belt be long and happy. |
| There is a local community theater called The Gaslight. They put on a few productions each year and all the actors are amatures. No big deal. I check their website periodicaly to see about audtions and this past Sunday I decided to go for it and try-out. The play is "Crimes of the Heart." It's a very dark Southern comedy about 3 sisters and their past and present problems. A great play with fantastice roles. I e-mailed the director before the auditions and told her about my pregnancy. She said that role of the sisters' cousin would be fine to read for, that it wouldn't matter if she were pregnant or not. I was psyched. It was the smallest part, but who cares. It was still a chance to audtion and be a part of a production. Something that I haven't done in 10 years. I got an e-mail from her this morning and she offered me one of the lead roles!!! How amazing is that??!!! She said that my growing bump shouldn't be a problem because the sister I will be playing is supposed to be "a little round." This is so exciting. Being on stage again. Performing. Now the question is, should I tell her that my growing bump is actually two growing bumps??  |
| If there is one thing that gets me hot and bothered it's handsome, insulting British men. Let's start with my favorite: Simon Cowell. Look at that thick head of black hair. I could run my fingers through it all day. I get so excited when he says, "What the hell was that?" While I love watching the talented singers, it's so much better to listen to him go on and on about how awful someone is. His honesty is hilarious and attractive. What could be better than that? He makes watching American Idol so worth while. Damn, that is one sexy Brit!!! Gordon Ramsay: This man takes the art of insulting to a level that I've never seen anyone touch before. It makes me giddy when someone screws up in the kitchen because I know what is coming next..."YOU *@#*!ING DONKEY!!!!" Women want him and men want to be him, after they kill him, that is. He can take you from the depths of despair to the highest summit with just one look. This man melts my butter. And finally we have: Peter Jones. Peter is the quiet, pretty boy billionaire. He delivers his insults with more tact than the above mentioned. He is so good-looking you almost have to look away. But then he draws you right back in when he explains how ridiculous your invention really is. Intelligent, hot, and rich. Oh yes, the triple threat. So there you have it. My sick obsession with rude, British men. Whew, I need to go fan myself. |
| I did something this weekend I swore I would never do. I looked at mini-vans for a possible future purchase. ~shudder~ That's all I have to say about that. ~hangs head in shame~ |
| Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now. Yeah, that's about how I felt yesterday around 3:30ish. You see I had my first sonogram. Routine really. I was excited to see the heartbeat and the little alien baby. Get some measurements for a more accurate due date. No big deal. Even though I've done this before I was still looking forward to it. Honestly, this first trimester has been a little surreal. It was obiviously not a planned pregnancy, but how many really are? Even though hubby and I will be poor from now until eternity we were still happy about the child to come. So the tech lady and I are chatting it up and here's the following conversation... "This is a little different set-up from last time. I like the screen on the wall up there so I don't have to crane my neck to look at your monitor. That's nice. "Oh I've had that for a couple of years now. How old is your little one now?" "He'll be 2 in August." "You must have just missed it then. All right, let's take a look at this baby." "TV snow" appears on the screen and then I see what I think is a head. I start getting choked up because now the pregnancy seems more real. I'm not just getting fat, there really is a baby in there. "So how do you feel about having two babies??" "Well, you know, I'm a little nervous, but we'll be fine. I'm excited." "No...how do you feel about having two more babies???" "What? What!!! What are you talking about???? Two babies?????!!!!!!!!" "Oh yes, there are twins in there." At this point I start laughing hysterically. Tears are streaming down my face. Now the pregnancy has become surreal again. I'm just laying there cracking up and then the tech starts cracking up and then I tell her my husband is going to shit his pants. I just keep laughing because I just don't know how to react. I swear I don't think I've ever been more shocked.  So, here we are. Twins on the way. Hubby didn't shit himself, but I think a little pee came out. |
| Wow, there are some real tools here at work. So here's how the story goes... Our work day is from 8 am - 4:30 pm. Yep, a 37 1/2 hour work week but we get paid for 40. How awesome is that??? Anywho, there are a couple of women that work from 7:30 until 4 so they can leave to pick their children up from daycare. Apparently some of the non-daycare women noticed that these ladies would leave anywhere from 3 to 5 minutes early. (How dare they!!!! ) Well, to make a statement they started leaving 3 to 5 minutes early themselves. The ridiculous part is that they really didn't say why they were leaving "early." What they are hoping will happen is that one of the higher-ups will say something so they can come back and say, "Well why are we being treated different from the people with daycare issues??? They leave early and no one says anything to them." Can we say RETARDED!!!! If I'm leaving early it's because I've got an appointment or I just want to get the hell outta here. Not to prove some stupid point. 3 to 5 minutes?? Are you f'ing kidding me??? Sheesh Get a life for shit's sake. |
| Well, I could be on the brink of yet another move. This will make #5 in 5 years. Not to mention the couple of times we moved inside Tucson. I could write a book on this crap by now. Hubby has been looking for jobs in the west so we can be closer to the kids (he has 2 from a previous marriage). As luck would have it, he found something that is only 2, yes 2 hours from Mamaw's house!!! I'm so flippin' excited. I mean, let's be honest, Mamaw isn't getting any younger and I want Trot to be able to spend as much time with her as possible. Moving closer to my family is wonderful. I haven't been that close to them in about 10 years. I can't imagine being able to drive and see them pretty much whenever I want. The best part of this move...being away from MIL and FIL!!! We haven't told them anything yet. It's not exactly in concrete, but we are about 90% sure. I'm looking forward to/dreading telling them. I think MIL will be devistated. FIL might be upset to just because he'll only have his other son to help him out with projects and whatnot. And BIL is not exactly reliable. All I can say is, not my problem anymore. Thank goodness. I'll keep my 3 readers posted when I hear anything else. The only real downside to all of this, we are relocating to New Mexico. Land of Enchantment my ass. |
a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash. Watching a weight loss info-mercial while eating a pint of Ben&Jerry's.Road raging while listening to the Christian radio station. Priding yourself on your attention to detail then realizing after 8 months the beater car you've been driving has 2 different front seats.Please feel free to add your own form of irony. |
| What's up y'all!!! Just a quick recap of this past week's/weekend's events. 1) Sanjaya is finally off AI!! Justice has been served. 2) Spring is official here. It's supposedly in the 70's today. I haven't been outside except for coming to work this morning but everyone keeps raving about how fabulous it is outside. Judging from the view from inside, I believe them. 3) Hubby and I are expecting! Yea!!! Although, after looking at the financial situation we might have to sell the house and live in cardboard boxes. Oh well, at least we will have another Red Sox fan. I can't wait to tell Granny. What a wonderful Mother's Day present. 4) Speaking of the Red Sox...do they TOTALLY ROCK OR WHAT!!!!! Suck on those 4 homers and a series sweep A-Scrod!!!! GO SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| This glorious spring weather makes me think of Christmas. Ah snow! How I love Maine. Yes indeed, here in Nowheresville, Maine we got almost 12 inches yesterday. Nothing like hiding Easter eggs in snow banks. Oh well. Anywho... Like I said, this weather reminds me of Christmas so I thought I would share one of my fondest memories. I was married before (gasp!). I am, in fact, damaged goods. But I digress. So my ex-husband's family is somewhat dysfunctional. His dad is on his 4th marriage. Well, it was our little tradition to spend Christmas Eve with his dad and step-mom (who I happened to absolutely ADORE!) and then spend Christmas with his mom (who I can't stand). When I say mom, I mean his honorary mom who did most of the raising. Even after his dad packed his shit and declared, "I JUST WANT TO LIVE!" (true story) ex-hubby stayed with this woman. So yes, I had 3, count them, 3 mothers-in-law. YIKES!!! Okay, sorry for all that background. Well, we were over there for the usual merriment. Tacos and margaritas. Yes, nothing says let's celebrate the birth of our Savior like getting smashed on liquor and eating Mexican food. Now I shall set the sceen. Everyone was enjoying their fill of the tacos. FIL had already put away at least 4 or 5 Rainers (think Lone Star beer but the Washington state version ) It was almost time to open presents so we are wrapping things up in the dinning room. The living room is just off the dinning room and you take one step down into it. So ex and I used to have this miniature dachshund that FIL loved. He would always want to play tug-o-war with her. So he starts taunting her with one of his socks. Well naturally she was more than happy to get a little rowdy. So drink in hand, FIL was really getting into the tug-o-war session. He was completely unaware how close to the step-down into the living room he was. It happened in slow motion. He lost his balance and started falling. It might not have been so bad, but he was drunker than Cooter Brown and he fell right into the Christmas tree. The beautiful, beautiful Christmas tree. It was spectacular. Carefully decorated with antique and glass ornaments. FIL is all over the place. Smashing presents, breaking ornaments, getting cut and bleeding like a stuck hog. I look at ex and his sister. They are sitting there all red in the face. Not because they are embarrassed, but because they are trying to stifle some raucous laughter. God knows I was too.FIL is a huge Johnny Cash fan and as we were leaving that night we thought we would honor that love for the Man in Black by singing a tribute. "I fell into a Christmas tree of presents..." HAPPY EASTER Y'ALL!!! |
| Well, I know my name suggests that spring is upon us, but that is some major cock-a-maimy (sp???) bullcorn. Spring was here and just like that it vanished. I woke up to snow this morning. Yep, that's right. F-ing snow. Man I hate Maine more and more. It's April 3rd dude. Now to totally contradict myself, the trees look spectacular. Very Robert Frost-y "Stopping By Woods..." I think what drives me insane are the lifers who keep saying, "Oh this wahsn't ah bahd wintah." Oh yeah, well why don't you go piss up a rope??!! If one more slack-jawed yokel calls me a wimp I think I shall punch them. I've told them to go and survive a Texas summer and then come back and tell me I'm a wimp. That shuts them up. And speaking of shutting people up... I had my yearly visit from the latter day saints not too long ago. I kind of feel sorry for them. They just don't know what they're up against when they knock on my door. So there I am washing dishes and I hear the 3 pair of footsteps. I turn around and shudder. Like an idiot I didn't shut the wood door, just the screen door so there was no time to hide. Oh well, this time I was ready. To be honest I'm not really a confrontational person. Honest. But back me into a corner and I have no choice but to be a raging heifer. "Are you familiar with the church of Jesus Christ blah blah blah?" "Yes, I know who y'all are." "Has anyone ever shared the message with you??" "They've sure tried, but I've received a message already, but thanks." "What message did you receive?" "The Christian Southern Baptist one." Leader of the group looks a little worried "Guys, she's Baptist." Says "Baptist" like I have some disease. The other 2 look very scared at this point. Leader is trying to build up courage to continue. "Well, have you heard of Joseph Smith." "Yes." "So you know..." "Son, anyone who wanders the desert for an extended amount of time without food or water is bound to start seeing and hearing things. Sorry, I just don't buy into any of that. I know what I believe and I know it to be right." "So you know about the power of prayer." "Certianly." "Well, have you ever prayed to God that you might receive the message that Joseph Smith brought." "Absolutely not. Look, I understand and I appreciate what y'all have to do. Bottom line is I found my ticket to heaven and now I just need to make sure that my loved ones and those around me get their ticket too. As strongly as you believe whatever it is you believe, that's how I feel about my faith. You will never change my mind or heart. Okay?" "Oh yes, but..." At this point I realize I'm just going to have to be rude. So be it. "Let me put it to you this way. You would have an easier time convincing a shi'ite muslim in the middle of Baghdad to convert to Mormonism than you will EVER with me. Y'all stay warm now and have a good day." As I flash them my biggest and most sincere Texas smile.Hind sight?? I should have told them what Daddy used to. "We're satanists." That kept them away.  |
| The only reason one should ever be late for work is early morning love making. |
| Well I finally did something this morning I haven't for quite a while. I'm guessing at least a month, but who's counting? Sickness, laziness, the winter blahs...all of these were factors preventing me from personal upkeep. Okay, I'll leave you in suspense no longer...I shaved my legs. That's right, I finally broke down and did the deed. Maybe that's why the scale kept creeping higher and higher in numbers. I forgot to subtract for body hair. The great thing about being a red head (besides being so unbelievably sexy) is light colored leg hair. I could've let them bad boys keep on growin' but my pantyhose where itching like the dickens! I know what you're thinking. What about your poor husband?? Dude, he's been near his death bed for almost 3 weeks now and both of us have coughed and hocked up enough phlegm to chock a donkey. Yeah, yeah, overshare but I'm trying to paint a very clear picture here. When you are feeling that ill there is just no room for "special time." But now he is getting over the crud, so I thought I should be prepared incase I see that look in his eye.   So what does this have to do with my headliner?? Hello! If I can go that long without shaving my legs and you can barely see the tiny blonde hairs, then I would look pretty good on camera. No scary Sasquatch girl with wicked-dark leg hair. I could probably let my armpits go for just as long, but until Mark Burnett saves a spot for me I will continue to shave those. I'm lazy, but not that lazy. Now if I could just figure out how to start fire without that darn flint... |
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