An elderly women's thoughts before her husband dies |
Killing The Dove Click. Click. The second hand on the clock moved to three. The doctors told me there wasn’t anything I could do. Just to watch, as the one I love left and never returned. The hands of his, were so cold, shaking uncontrollably while he sipped his green tea.Glen’s face looked flushed and gray with tiny wrinkles on his forehead. Those eyes were so dark and distant looking out the living room window to see the rain fall down during those April showers. His chapped lips only frowned, for he had nothing to look forward to in the future. Hours would past, and the man never move an inch. I barely lived a life, I had all I could do watching him suffer as his white blood cells inside died off day by day. Nothing? I would ask the doctors daily, but the tears I cried wouldn’t change their answer. They had no cure except the medication they gave him. He gave that up. For him there didn’t seem to be a point. The little yellow pills laid on the table near a tall glass of water, but he wouldn’t take them. Glen’s voice was raspy, constricting his throat every time he turned to me to say he loved me. “Hush.” I would tell him. “I know you love me.” Then I would turn away from him, sitting on the opposite side of the couch, and my tears would hold back. “I love you too.” Outside the window was the perfect view of his garden. That was what he stared at all day, from dawn till dusk. It used to be filled of color and life just like him. The roses would be red with only one white one. Birds, bees, rabbits and other small animals would gather around the garden. He told me that the white rose he grew for me to show his love. The garden never looked like it did now. The roses were all withering away just like his love for life. No more animals gathering around our yard. Well except the dove. The dove use to fly high in the blue sky, soaring higher and higher by the minute. Circling around the sky and then he flew down into the yard. It was like our love. As each minute grew our love reached a higher point. The dove would sit on the birdbath in our garden even when Glen was gardening. The dove would sing along with him while he hummed different tunes. Now that the garden is dead, and the birdbath is rusted the dove doesn’t come around much more. On the side of our small log cabin is a tall pine tree. The dove sits on the branches all day looking in the window to our bedroom. At nigh time Glen stares at the bird. It would use to chirp a song for him which put him to sleep, but I haven’t heard the bird sing for months. Glen and I are not what we used to be. We’d spend time together jogging around the neighborhood or gardening. We used to have a lot to talk about. All we say to each other now is “I love you”. I want to tell him more but there isn’t anything to tell him. He’s heard it all from me. He won’t take the pills for me anymore. He doesn’t hold me in his arms or kiss me. Glen doesn’t look at me like he use to. I remember the smile he gave me every morning when I woke up by his warm lips on my lips. And those eyes that use to be so bright. But he’s not the one to blame. I mean he comes closer to dying each and every minute. In his eyes fear is present. Glen’s probably scared to say goodbye to the one he loves. I don’t want to say goodbye to him. I just want his long arms around me, his warm lips upon mine, his hands touching my face again, and his deep blue eyes gazing into mine. But no. He doesn’t move from that couch, from looking at that garden and waiting to hear the dove sing. It is like the world has stopped for the both of us. Nothing changes and nothing moves. Time is our race for life. Tick. Tick. It was now four o’clock and I went over to the kitchen to zap his maccaroni and cheese Tv dinner. Beep. I took the dinner out of the microwave and brought it over to Glen. I sat it down on the stand. “What happens when I'm gone?” Glen spoke. His voice sounded as if it hurt him to speak. I didn’t know what to say to that. A tear ran down my face. I sat down next to Glen and looked into his eyes. “I don’t know.” I was scared, for when that time comes, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. “ You know...when you need me you’ll hear the dove sing again.” I leaned in and wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight up against me. I looked deep into his eyes. Glen touched my face with his cold hands, his lips pressed up near mine and we kissed for the first time in months. I mean we pecked each other but nothing like this. It lasted for a few minutes. “I don’t want to see you go.” His hands wiped my tears away. And his frown turned into a smile. “I know but there’s nothing we can do, just sit here and hold me until that time comes.” He had his arms around me and I laid my head on his shoulder. Closing my eyes I pictured us twenty years ago. Glen and I were so young and full of life. Him with his dark brown hair, and those sparkling blue eyes. I would give up anything to see him like that again. I opened my eyes to see his elder face lifeless. “Why did you stop taking your medication?” I asked. Glen paused and looked out the window. Out on the windowsill was the dove. Glen wobbled his way over to open it. The dove flew in and landed on the coffee table. It began to sing again. I know I was probably way over my head but I thought maybe it was a sign. Like he wasn’t going anywhere, like he was going to live longer. I closed my eyes again, hearing the dove sing. “Wise men say only fools rush in But I can't help falling in love with you Shall I stay, would it be a sin “ If I can't help falling in love with you” Glen began to sing our wedding song. Of course he didn’t sound like Elvis Presley. But it was the sweetest saddest moment of my life. As the bird chirped along with him, and I joined in, our love took a new height. “Like a river flows surely to the sea Darling so it goes Some things are meant to be” “Take my hand, take my whole life too For I can't help falling in love with you” Glen looked at me with the most passion in his eyes singing that song. Tears of happiness ran down both of our faces as we sang the song together holding hands tight. “Like a river flows surely to the sea Darling so it goes Some things are meant to be” The doves singing began to fade as I closed my eyes. I couldn’t no longer hear Glens voice singing but I saw our whole white wedding all over again. Glen holding my hand and I holding his as we both say “I Do”. Our kiss I could feel once again. “Take my hand, take my whole life too For I can't help falling in love with you For I can't help falling in love with you” I opened my eyes and looked at Glen lying on my shoulder with his cold blue eyes wide open. His heart wasn’t beating anymore. I laid him down on the couch and kissed him on his forehead for the last time. Sitting on the floor I held his hand so tight sobbing. Glancing over on the floor I saw the dove lying down. “We once were the dove flying high until time built bullets in the sky, Say goodbye my love, we were the ones killing the dove.” THE END |