Trust Fear

Okay, finally the baby is sleeping all swaddled in a blanket covered in Dads smell, something like brute. We are listening to jazz some of the only music on the planet able to sleep a swaddled baby in seconds. I cleaned up after the cats and they’re happy and fed. Dani’s off to work and I have a day off from the drama. The time is 9:40.
Well Let me reverse my sweet smelling comment from before, the baby is not sleeping and I just finished my first cup of coffee, She’s come unsaddled and is now crying. An hour has passed and feeding the baby has given me the well-needed chance to focus on something else important in life. Facing my fears, and the deceptive life that I have been lead into by not doing exactly that. Can I honestly go further into my life lying to myself about what is actually real, and what is phobia? I mean it’s all there in front of me and I’ve been denying it for years. The “friends” I have are a pretty good indicator of my lifestyle. I can’t say that about everyone I know, just the friends I comfortable being around, and especially the ones who are comfortable being around me. Trust is everywhere you look for it. I know now something I didn’t know before or did, but didn’t want to That in facing my fears and anxieties, life will open up for me in ways that I have never dreamed, taking twists and turns that will lead me away from the kind of people who would smell fear and bury me. I no longer want to linger in the smell of my own fear. I want to trust and be trusted, love and be loved by everyone. If that comes in small doses, I take it and will love it.