Why won't you believe me?

"Why won't you believe me?"

Well here I am a testimony to a life not fully yet lived but certainly one well journeyed.

I sometimes feel that in a past life I must have been a monster or a murder or something similar as life certainly hasn’t dealt me one of the best hands. It's funny but as a child I had a good life. Life was easy and enjoyable, but its seem’s that once I became a teenager my life was to follow a dramatically different path from the one I had mapped out for myself in my mind.

For one I had not pictured losing my mother when I was 18 years of age. I certainly didn't foresee having to cope with the same illness that took my mother from me.
Life sure knows how to throw spanner in the works, but to receive a tool box full of the dam things is not funny.

After all I have been through I have been asked on numerous occasions whilst in hospital. "Have you felt any comfort knowing that God is there for all of us"? At first my reply was simply "no not really" but after a while my bitterness began to take over and when asked the same question quite recently I replied in more detail and it was the first time in my life that I realized how well I had hidden my emotions and that I was actually quite angry with life but now I had reached boiling point. I could not kid myself anymore and my bitterness showed. My answer to the question well it was on the lines of “God, is there a God?. If there is then why do the good die young? Why do people like me who have done nobody any wrong have to deal with such situations? Why do children loose there mothers when they need them the most?". Well my comments left a lasting impression on the person who had asked me the question and she too questioned her faith.

You may be asking yourself by now -what illness have I been afflicted with. Is it the big C, Cancer? Well the answer is no it is not cancer and it’s probably no to all of the illness that you may have though of. To be honest if you have not been affected by the condition that I have, or it has not touched your life in some way, then you will probably not even be aware of its existence.


To be continued