Lulu-Bell and the Texas State Fair

Don't mess with Texas.

That there's a highway slogan, an' folks round here take it mighty serious. There's signs up and down the state with names o' people or clubs or groups what adopted this road 'er that un. They keep 'em right purty too, pick up all the trash what out-a-staters toss around, plant wild flowers and take pride in the looks.

There's other things what folks round here take pride in 'sides clean roads. They's proud o' their backyard oil fields, stadium sized tail-gate parties, the Dallas Cowboys and Bar-B-Que sauce. But the thing they's most proud of, is the Texas State Fair.

Now before I go any farther, let me tell you a little bit about the Fair. It's big. Really big. Most states, they's got a nice little fair ground where they can have a few animals, mebby a hog 'er two, and a few rides. That's what we Texans call a carnival. They's fun ta visit and spend a few minutes at, but that's all. The State Fair, bein' as it's the State Fair of Texas, is big. Biggern' any other fair around. There's a fair ground a course, and rides, and booths with games, and food... can't have a fair without food, and plenty o' shows. To corral all this, the City of Dallas has roped off several city blocks, a musem, the omini theather, the Cotton Bowl stadium and anything else that didn't move fast enough ta get outta the way.

The fair's so big ya gotta have a mapsco so's ya don't get lost walkin' around in it, but folks round here like it that way, and there's even talk about expandin' it some. Seems it's too small in some people's opinion.

Now right at the entrance o' the fair is a big o'l Cowboy. Big Tex he's called and he greets all the visitors to the fair every year. He's 'bout 52 feet tall, wears size 70 boots and a big ol' 75-gallon hat. Been there since forever and everyone's partial ta him. He towers over the fair, cept at night when something bigger'n him draws the eye.

Now if you've never been ta a fair at night, it's a purty sight. All the rides is lit up, the booths are blazin' and the smell a cotton candy jest fills the air. It's the same way with the Texas State Fair, only more so. An' right in the middle o' everythin' is the Texas Star. The world's biggest Ferris Wheel. There's a line o' people what stretches for miles jest waitin ' ta get on it, an' it take most of an hour or two when thing's ain't busy. But once you're on, it's worth all that time. Ya kin see the entire state from the top of that wheel, and they let ya go 'round several times. It's nice in the day, but it's really good at night.

Now a couple years back, my cousin Lulu-Bell decided she was wantin' ta go ta the fair at night, so's ta ride that wheel and she wanted me ta come along. I had doubts 'bout goin' ta the Fair with ma cousin' at anytime, day or night. She kin be a bit on the wild side and most times it's best ta be anywhere but in the same county. But I was broke and hadn't been ta the Fair that year. I still almost didn't go, but it was the last weekend and she offered ta pay. That settled it so 'gainst my better judgement, I come along.

The thing 'bout Texas at night is, it's jest about as hot as durin' the day, and this night it weren't no different, even though it were October. There was a crowd o' visitors streamin' in the gates, lights blazin', music playing and heatwaves risin' off the pavement so thick ya could'a fly'd a kite on the updraft. Purty normal all told. Lulu-Bell, she couldn't wait ta get inside and once we was, she high-tailed it fer the mid-way.

Now before I go any further, I got's ta explain a couple things. First, there's Lulu-Bell's sweet-tooth. She's got the worst sweet-tooth I never done seen and many's the time she's come back from the store with nothin' but the entire candy asile in plastic bags fillin' the back o' her truck. The other's the cotton candy what they've got at the State Fair.

Normal cotton candy, it's sticky. Spun sugar they call it and it don't last long, specially with little kids around. But the kind they got at the State Fair's a might different. Oh it looks like the normal stuff, weighs about nothing and eats jest as good, but once it start's ta melt, it's stickier than the strongest glue known ta man. Ya can mix some in the mortor fer yer bricks and never have ta worry 'bout an earthquake knockin' down yer house. Kids what get's it in their hair wind up stuck to things, and it's funny ta walk through the fair, watchin' parents a tuggin on a kid what's danglin' from the bottom of a ride, all stuck and not comin' off.

My cousin, she'd gotten a hankerin' fer some a that candy while we was waitin' ta get in and soon as she had the chance, she hoofed it toward the first booth she could find what sold it. Most'a the booths, they had big puffs on sticks, but this one, bein' as it was right by the gates, had a bunch in plastic bags too, ready ta go home. Lulu-Bell's eyes lit up when she saw that and a-fore ya could count ta ten, she'd bought six of 'em. Big bags, with big puffs a green, yellow, red and blue candy. I tried ta tell her she was gonna be sick, but she ignored me, which is usual, and trotted on off ta the Texas Star.

I kinda wandered 'long behind her. I'm not too partial ta heights in the first place, and the Star's 'bout the highest place I kin think of in Texas. I'm also kinda leery when it comes ta my cousin, and she'd just loaded up on one of the most lethal weapons I could think of. I could jest imagin' us up in the top a the Star, with them bags a candy all coming loose, gettin' stuck ta the seats an' things. So I took my time, part of me hopin' she'd get lost in the crowd.

Didn't happen though, but what did almost shut down the fair early that year.

Here in Texas we've got all kinds a critters, and most of 'em are mean. The squirrels ain't no exception but the rats, they're down right ornery. Now there was a family a squirrels that'd lived at the Fair Grounds fer years and they used ta entertain the crowds some by chasing round the place, dashin' up on top'a the booths and tossin' nuts at people. They'd gotten braver as the years'd gone past and they'd met up with a family a rats what'd jest moved inta the area a year or so before.

Them rats, they was transplants from somewhere's and they was big. Real big. Two foot long big. Well they'd hit it off with the squirrels and danged of those critter's hadn't had babies. So this year, we had scrats - that's squirrel-rats for those 'a you what ain't seen 'em - running round the place. Huge critters, 'bout foot or so long, big bushy tail, and cheeky. Wasn't nothin' safe from 'em and the fair'd been trying to get rid of 'em the whole time, but failing. Them scrats was sneaky and they liked the midway cause a all the food.

Well one o' them scrats, it spotted Lulu-Bell a walkin' toward the Star with her arms bulgin' with them bags a candy. She must'a made a right nice target in it's mind, all alone like that. It sized her up, then pounced. It come flyin' outta no-where, knocked her off her feet and run off with one a them bags just as neat as you please. Now anyone else, they'd a jest got back up and been glad ta still have 5 bags, but not Lulu-Bell. That was her candy and she was gonna get it back or die tryin'!

Now like I said, the fair was packed, it bein' the last weekend an' all. It was hot, and a hot Texas night in October usually means sudden rain. That critter took off a runnin' with Lulu-Bell's candy, she took off a runnin' after it, whoopin', hollarin' and swingin' her lasso 'round in the air like she was after a steer! The clouds up over the fair ground got a good look at the chaos goin' on an' got ta laughin' so hard it commenced ta pourin'!

Rain ain't usually a bad thing, 'specially in Texas. Tain't seen one summer yet where we wasn't in a drought by the time October come around and this year weren't no different. The ground was thirsty. Real thirsty and that rain was jest what it wanted. It opened up it's mouth and drank it right in. That turned most'a the fair parkin' into mud holes, since there ain't enough parkin' lots ta go around, and folks tend ta use front yards, back yards and vacant lots. If that weren't bad enough, all that rain come cascadin' down on the midway, slickin' up the streets, and soakin' everythin' in sight.

That would'a been ok, seein' as how all the booth's had awnings, but that rain come outta no where, not even a cough o' thunder ta go with it, and it got inta the Cotton Candy booth licker'n a whistle. It soaked all them bags and the candy reacted. It swelled up real big, then exploded with a ear-splittin' boom!

Now when most things explode, they tend to make a mess and the candy weren't not different. When them bags exploded, it sprayed half-melted candy in all directions. The fair went from being full 'a people all havin' a good time, to being packed with people all stickin' ta each other and runnin' inta things they couldn't let go of.

The rain was fallin' harder by this time, and most time's you'd expect it ta just go on meltin' that candy, washin' it away, but not this stuff. The wetter it got, the stickier it got and now it was flowin'. There was a river of candy runnin' outta the booth and headin' straight fer the gates, gummin' up every thing in it's path. The cotton candy booth was still open too, 'cause the operator'd gotten stuck to the posts and couldn't get free long enough to pull the awning down.

Right in the middle a all this mess, Lulu-Bell showed back up, carryin' that scrat by the tail. She'd caught it and wrassled the bag from it fair'n square, then promised ta buy it one of it's own. She was aimin' to, but like I said, the candy'd all turned inta a river and was runnin' down the street, makin' a mess o' things.

Well that scrat seen the river and it wriggled loose, then dove under a booth a-fore Lulu-Bell could catch it again. Didn't take no time though, a-fore it come back out fast as lightning followed by it's whole family. Them scrats was in heaven with that candy river and they dove right in, slurpin' it up off the ground, lickin' it off a the folks what was stuck together and makin' short work a the stuff. I never seen a bunch a critters move that fast.

'Bout the time them scrats finished up the last o' the candy, the rain had done stopped and things began ta get back ta normal. The fair comittee decided ta adopt them scrats as official mascots, the cotton candy booth closed down and re-thunk their recipies fer the next year and I dragged Lulu-Bell over ta the Star. I figured, much as I don't like heights, if she was up in the top, she couldn't do much more damage. I waited in line with her fer most of two hours, then chickened out and let her ride the car alone. Soon as she was up outta the way, I beat it out the front gate and called a cab fer home.

I saw in the papers the next day that they had'ta call a hook'n ladder out ta the fair to get some lady outta a car what was stuck at the top o' the Star. I ain't been back ta the fair since but I'm thinkin' 'bout goin' this year. If it don't rain.