Another Day

I see your smiling effigy when I sleep and when I wake, there it is, still hung silently watching me. I wonder casually where you are, allow myself to foster ideas of you at home working on your car and then snap, they're gone. You're probably with your girlfriend, telling her she is the most amazing woman you have ever met, the same words you uttered to me months before.

Perhaps she deserves those sentiments, I was clearly a liar and a cheat but I guess i had my charm. She is Snow White and I am the wicked step mother. Still, you broke my heart so perhaps I am not as cold and unfeeling as you had once believed.

Right now, I fight the urge to call you and tell you that I fucking well love you. The phone remains silent but I haven't won. I sometimes wonder if you're ever dominated by thoughts of me. I know you still care, I could see it in the way you grew so suddenly pale when I told you I was in love with your best friend. I wasn't.

This is why you're better off without me. You're happy now. I call her stupid, insolent and superficial. She's merely simple and that's what you need I suppose. I was manic depressive, manipulative and insanely emotional.

It's difficult for me to conjure up the moment that I ceased hating you. You didn't do anything THAT bad. Nevertheless, I was sure i'd never forgive you for sleeping with that girl. She's slept with my current boyfriend. I never hated a person as much as her, not even you when you ripped my heart out.

It's a shame I just called you and can no longer entertain this dillusion that you still care.

Funnily enough, i'm pretty indifferent.