How NOT to catch a cat in the dark

How NOT to catch a cat in the dark

When you are trying to corner a cat for whatever reason, try not to do it in the dark. This can lead to lots of complications, often in the forms of long, painful scratches and little tooth-marks all over your hands. But if, at some point, you find yourself chasing down an elusive feline when all the lights have gone, there are a few ways NOT to go about it.

First of all, under no circumstances should you allow said cat to get under a chair. If this happens, you will be reduced to crawling around on your hands and knees, calling out "Here, KITTY KITTY KITTY" in an increasingly weaker voice until you either fall asleep or just plain give up. Meanwhile, your cat will be sitting there, daintily cleaning its ears and secretely laughing at your feeble attempts at coaxing it out.

Another thing to never do in this situation is forcibly grab your cat. Cats, after years of evolution, have developed a unique talent to, on contact with human hands, immediately change their shape to that of a worm and smugly slither out of your grasp. Imagine trying to hold water in a sieve.

The last thing to avoid is trying to trap your cat. Cats are smart. When they see a closed door, they do not think to themselves, "Oh deary me! A door! I must surrender!" Instead, they think, "Ha! Now I will have an easier time hunting down that stupid human and clawing him/her to pieces!" Also, just because a cat is in a smaller space does not mean it will be easier to catch. In fact, when in this situation, it probably will perform the aforementioned Chair Trick, and dart under the nearest piece of furniture to swat at your legs as they go by.

You may ask now, "But how DO I trap my cat, now that I know how not to do it?" In fact, the best way to go about this is seizing your feline firmly by the collar and hauling it around like a really furry six-pack. However, since you (probably) do not want to strangle your dear kitty, I suggest only doing this if the cat is wearing a harness. If it isn't, you may as well give up and go bandage your various claw-marks. After all, the cat can live another day without its medicine, right?