Michelangelo, Lewd and un-American 1

This just in: Michelangelo, Lewd and un-American
A Play by Jason Hughes

Characters:
Linda Davis: Thirty five year old middle school art teacher.
Margery Davis: Linda’s older sister (forty) she teaches Math at the High School.
Megan Davis: Linda’s younger sister (thirty) she teaches third grade.
Muriel Davis: Linda’s mother (sixty-five) she taught middle school English though is now retired.
Bueller Reynolds: The Principle at Linda’s school (forty-five)
Peter Golding: A physics teacher at the Middle School (thirty-five)

Lights up on the left side of the stage only where there is an office, with a desk in the middle and two chairs in front of the desk. Behind the desks sits Principle Reynolds. He is talking on the phone. There is a light knock at the door and Linda Davis pokes her head in. Principle Reynolds beckons here in, motioning that she should sit as he continues his conversation.

Principle:
No…No…Of course…yes, everything is shipshape over here….No problem…Will do…First thing Monday….Talk to you then Mitch. (He puts the phone down and turns to Linda) That was Superintendent Landin. Bureaucratic nonsense if you ask me. When will they just let us teach, right? Am I right?
Linda:
Right. Principle Reynolds I have class in a few minutes. So if we could make this…
Principle:
Of course, young minds to mold and all. Oh, and come on, call me Bueller. I mean how long have you taught here, what seven years.
Linda:
Actually it’ll be fourteen this summer.
Principle:
Fourteen. Gosh really fourteen. Fourteen. Heck wasn’t it only yesterday that you and that husband of yours were new teachers, I mean children yourselves. Oh my.(Pause) Sorry. I mean your ex husband. (Pause) How is Bill?
Linda:
Bill is fine.
Principle:
He likes Cranston?
Linda:
He seems happy enough. We really don’t talk much.
Principles:
Cranston has a great baseball team. Didn’t one of the major leaguers go there?
Linda:
I’m really not sure.
Principle:
Yeah, you know. One of the Latin ones. Big guy, strong. Hector, Jorge. Anyway Bill probably loves that team.
Linda:
Bill coaches basketball.
Principle:
I know. Still. What school pride and all. Well I didn’t have you come down here to talk sports all day. You have a class young lady.
Linda:
I have to set up the projector, we’re going to look at some slides, so I’m going to need to duck out soon.
Principle:
Not a problem. Not a problem. This will only take a second. (He takes out a file) So, now. Okay here it is. You took one of your classes to a museum last week, yes?
Linda:
Yes, my eighth graders. We went to the Dallas Museum of Art.
Principle:
Oh the Dallas Museum of Art, fantastic.
Linda:
So you’ve been?
Principle:
No, but I’ve heard good things. Good Things. Now what kind of art exactly is housed at this facility?
Linda:
What kind of art?
Principle:
Yeah art, art. Is it statues, paintings? Avant-garde women in metallic bousteis.
Linda:
Well it’s mainly paintings. Though there is a sculpture wing. But we kept to the paintings.
Principle:
(Beginning to write it down) Kept to the paintings. Now could you perhaps describe for me the content of these paintings?
Linda:
Uh. The exhibit runs the gambit from pre colonial Native American to post modern expressionism. But we primarily focused on the renaissance work.
Principle:
(Still writing) The renaissance. Good. Okay. Now these paintings are what? Fruit bowls? Dukes on horses?
Linda:
Well renaissance art was at first essentially an experimental period characterized by the styles of individual artists rather than by some all encompassing stylistic trend as in the high renaissance. What we must look at is…
Principle:
All encompassing stylistic tread. (Puts the lid on his pen. Looks over what he has just written.) Okay, now I’m sure you’re wondering what all of this is about. Turns out that the parents of one of your students (Scans another piece of paper) Tammy Baker, Has called my office to complain. Says something about her daughter being offended by one of the paintings. One of the nude paintings to be precise. Yes it says here the work in question was the judgment of Paris.
Linda:
Yes by Lucas Cranach the Elder. What I was attempting to do was to…
Principle:
Now Mrs. Baker just wanted to make me aware of the situation. So I’m going to have her come in at four to talk the whole thing out. You know how it is. I’ll listen intently, nod a few times. Tell her I understand her concerns. Maybe I’ll throw in a little charm. I’ll apologize. Tell her you’re sorry too. Express some regrets over the whole ordeal. Then shake her hand and it’ll all be over sound. Sound Good?
Linda:
Uh. Yeah. But…
Principle:
Good. Now there are a few things I need to clear up before we move on.
Linda:
Okay.
Principle:
Now you did send out permission slips?
Linda:
Of course.
Principle:
Now did the permission slips mention nudity explicitly?
Linda:
Not explicitly no. But…
Principle:
(Writing again.) Not explicitly. Okay now did you tell the class that there would be nudity?
Linda:
We discussed several important aspects of the genre one of which was nudity.
Principle:
And what did you tell them regarding nudity?
Linda:
That it was important for art, and to this piece specifically, because it showed how although the German school had in many broken away from Italian forms Cranach’s nudes in this case are in fact heavily tutored by Italian art.
Principle:
(Writes for a moment. Then looks at what he has written and scratches it out) Now look, I’m right there with you, German versus Italian and all. Yet, I was wondering if there was perhaps a different explanation. One that was a pinch more, more, more approachable. You know for Mrs. Baker. She might not be like us, you know, so enamored with the arts.
Linda:
It was not just nudity for nudities sake. I also mentioned that by eighth grade I expected them to be able to handle it and act like the young adults that I thought they were.
Principles:
Young adults. Good, good. (Scanning what he has written.) Well it looks like I have all that I need. Everything checks out. Everything computes. So, I guess that…is…about…it. (Looks at paper one last time.) Yup. So you get to class young lady.
Linda:
So that’s it? I don’t have anything to worry about?
Principle:
Oh my dear. Of course not. Always remember that I look after my teachers. It’s us against them. We will persevere. Now off to class. And say hi to Bill for me.
Linda:
If I see him I make sure to mention you said hi. Well thank you principle Reynolds.
Principle:
Come on Linda I’m Principle Reynolds to the inmates. Not my trusted guards. Bueller.

Linda:
Thank you Bueller. I really must get to class.
Principle:
Of course, of course. Mold those young minds. But in a tasteful fashion of course. I mean I love the occasional naked women picture, really who doesn’t? But then one of these over protective women, banshees I call them, goes on the war path. Before you know it some suit form the superintendent’s office is on the phone and my day is gone. You know how it is Linda. Well off to class with you.
Linda:
I’ll see you Principle Bueller.
Principle:
Principle Bueller, I like that. You’re a clever lady Linda.
Linda:
Thank you. (Linda gets up and begins to walk to the door.)
Principle:
Linda.
Linda:
Yes.
Principle:
Remember I look after my teachers. It’s us against them.
Linda:
Of course.

Linda exits stage left. And Principle Reynolds opens up another file. We hear big band music as the lights on the right side of the stage go up. At the same time the left side of the stage goes dark. The right side of the stage is a kitchen, with a counter and a table with a few chairs. At the counter stands Muriel Davis. She is chopping vegetables and dancing slightly to the music that is coming out of a radio on the counter. After a few moments Linda walks in carrying a bag and wearing a different shirt then in the principles office. She puts the bag down on the table and pulls a stack of papers out of it.

Linda:
Mom, could you turn that off, I’m trying to grade some papers.
Muriel:
Of course dear. (She turns off the radio, though she continues to dance slightly.)
Linda:
(Moving assorted things off of the table to make room for her papers) I’ll be out of here by the end of the month.(Pause)And my new place. My new place is going to have an office. No more moving my stuff out of the way for dinner.
Muriel:
I told you to leave whenever is best for you. I have plenty of space and honestly the only time it gets any use is when Meagan brings that horde of hers over. Besides I like having some one to talk to.



Linda:
Don’t worry mom. The divorce is final, my bank account is my own, my credit score is in my name only. I’ll find somewhere close to school, maybe one of those places with a gym.
Muriel:
Sounds nice dear. So how was school?
Linda:
Fine.
Muriel:
Fine, not even a complete sentence. I take back what I said about it being nice having someone to talk to.
Linda:
Mom.
Muriel:
Now I know you artsy types are sensitive. Rather paint a picture to express yourself. Still, is it to much for an old English teacher to ask for a little more? Maybe a verb, couple it with a noun. It’s Friday lets go crazy.
Linda:
Fine. I enjoyed teaching my classes today.
Muriel:
Excellent. We’ll have you conversing like a pro in no time. Now classes where fine.
Linda:
Well there was some bureaucratic nonsense, but nothing important.
Muriel:
Again with the bureaucratic nonsense? Didn’t you just see Reynolds last week? You said it was nothing important.
Linda:
It wasn’t important. And neither was this, just bureaucratic nonsense. It’s part of the job.
Muriel:
I don’t remember it being part of the job when I used to teach. No, it was just me and principle Stevens all of those years. Heck, if I ever called him anything other than Jeff.
Linda:
Must have been nice.
Muriel:
If I had a problem I’d yell Jeff. Then he’d stick his head in the door. And I’d say, Jeff I gotta problem. And he’d deal with it. He’d always say, now Muriel, You know that I look out for my teachers. And he meant it, every word. The man worked till he was 78. Died two months after he retired.
Linda:
I always liked Mr. Stevens.
Muriel:
Everyone liked Jeff. After Lucinda died he and your father would always be out in the garage. They’d come in saying that they’d been working on one of your father’s cars, but I knew. I knew that they’d turn on the radio, have a beer and just talk. Jeff needed that after Lucinda, so I pretended not to know.

Linda:
I remember that he’d do tricks for us.
Muriel:
Yeah, nickel behind the ear sort of stuff. Meagan really thought that it was all magic.

Linda:
Oh, but Margery loved to explain how it all happened.
Muriel:
And you? I always thought that you knew how it worked. Still, every time he did a trick, there you’d be with a big surprised look on your face. He loved that face. You girls used to make him laugh.
Linda:
Oh mom. He was a sweet guy.
Muriel:
No really, you made an effort. You guys were so full of life back then. Especially you. You know that I always thought that.
Linda:
What?
Muriel:
No. It’s silly.
Linda:
No really.
Muriel.
Well I always thought that… (Margery walks in) Hi dear. Right on time as usual.
Margery:
Well I consider it polite to be on time.
Linda:
You consider it to be polite to be five minutes early.
Margery:
There is nothing wrong with making an effort to show consideration. We can’t all be like you, waltzing through life.
Linda:
We can’t all be like you, sticks firmly planted up our asses.
Muriel:
Girls. Stop it now. I will have none of that in my house. Linda you know my thoughts on that kind of language. I don’t care how old you are I’ll still wash your mouth out with soap.
Margery:
It’s okay mom. Linda must have had a rough day considering.
Muriel:
Considering?
Margery:
(With great relish) Oh. You haven’t told her.
Muriel:
Told me what?

Linda:
It’s nothing. I was getting to it.
Margery.
Nothing? Nothing? I hardly consider getting suspended nothing.
Muriel:
Suspended?
Linda:
Thanks Margery. I wanted to tell her my way.
Margery:
Oh what like you told her about Bill? Oh wait you didn’t tell her about Bill. No, if I remember correctly she bumped into Mrs. Henderson at the grocery store.
Linda:
Margery.
Margery:
Sorry to hear about your daughters divorce. Says Mrs. Henderson.
Linda:
We all know how this goes.
Margery:
I’m sorry Betty; none of my daughters are getting divorced. Strange. I just talked to Bills mom and she said that he and Linda are splitting up. I swear that’s what I heard.
Poor Mrs. Henderson must have been so confused.
Linda:
One more word Margery.
Margery:
Poor mom, finding out that way. You must have been so embarrassed.
Linda:
I swear to God Margery one of these days. I’m going to…
Muriel:
You’re going to nothing.
Linda:
But mom.
Muriel:
But mom nothing. She is your sister and you will love her. Do you hear me?
Linda:
Yes Ma'am.
Muriel:
And you, your sister is having a hard time right now and I don’t want you of all people making it any worse. Now somebody tell me about this suspension.
Linda:
It’s nothing. I got suspended because a parent complained.
Muriel:
Go on.
Linda:
Tammy Bakers mom complained that her daughter saw a nude painting on our field trip.
Muriel:
And.
Linda:
And. And she complained to the principle. Then she complained to the superintendent’s office. Then she threatened to sue. The district wanted to cover their asses.
Muriel:
Linda.
Linda:
The district wanted to cover their tails, so they suspended me until they get this all figured out.
Muriel:
So what’s next?
Linda:
Reynolds says that they’ll look into it, see it has no basis and I’ll be back in school Wednesday at the latest. That is why it isn’t a big deal. That is why I’m grading papers. And that is why I wanted to tell later. After it had all been resolved.
Margery:
I think she may have found out when it was on the news.
Linda:
The news. What the…
Muriel:
The news. This? I’ve never heard of something so silly.
Linda:
Which news?
Margery:
Well channels seven and nine had vans at the High school.
Muriel:
But Linda teaches at the middle school.
Margery:
After they couldn’t get a hold of her they went to the other schools asking teachers what they thought of the suspension. They wanted to talk to Mr. Barret.
Muriel:
Who’s Mr. Barret?
Linda:
He’s the high school art teacher. You know tall, thin, neat.
Muriel:
Oh the homosexual. Yes, nice man.
Linda:
Mom, you can’t just say…you shouldn’t…Oh never mind. What did Barret say?
Margery:
That he didn’t know all of the facts, but it sounded like you did nothing wrong.
Linda:
Any thing else?
Margery:
He also said if they wanted the inside scoop on you that they should talk to me.
Linda:
You didn’t.

Muriel:
You didn’t what?
Margery:
Of course I didn’t talk to them. Really. Do you know me at all? Besides what kind of simpleton allows themselves to be interviewed for the local news? (Meagan comes running into the kitchen.)
Meagan.
Guess whose going to be on TV?
Margery:
Why I am not surprised?
Linda:
What did you say? Please say you kept it calm.
Meagan:
All I said was that this is America.
Linda:
This is not good.
Meagan:
And if those Nazi hypocrites at the district office wanted to suspend you, then they could just go ahead and suspend the constitution.
Linda:
You didn’t.
Margery:
Of course she did. She loves to embarrass this family. Do you remember the pot bust?
Meagan:
Bust? It was like less than an ounce.
Margery:
You are a mother and a teacher. How they let you near those kids. You criminal.
Muriel:
Enough. Your sister is not a criminal, her record was wiped clean.(ToLinda) And you, why don’t you thank your sister?
Linda:
For what?
Muriel:
For what? For What? For going on television to defend her big sister. You can disagree with what she said, but you can’t disagree with her motives.
Linda:
Fine. Thank you Meagan.
Meagan:
Any time. I love sticking it to the man. So is true?
Linda:
Yes I was suspended.
Meagan;
For taking the children to a porno theater.
Linda:
What? Is that? Is that what people are saying? I mean god, really? Who is saying this? I’ll, I’ll…

Meagan.
Calm down. I was only kidding. The look on your face.
Muriel:
Meagan. Don’t harass your sister. Now wash your hands and help me with this. Are the children coming?
Meagan:
No, they wanted to watch their dad work.
Margery:
Work? Work? When has that man ever worked?
Meagan:
That man. He happens to be at band practice. He practices five times a week five hours a time. Sounds like work to me.
Margery:
Sounds like something else to me.
Muriel:
Quiet. I swear one more word out of either of you. Now Linda.
Linda:
Yes.
Muriel:
What do you plan to do about all of this?
Linda:
Nothing.
Muriel:
Nothing?
Linda:
As I said, nothing. Reynolds says that they’ll send someone to talk to me. They’ll probably ask some questions, maybe write a report. Basically they’ll se that it’s all crazy and I’ll be back teaching…
Muriel:
So they haven’t even talked to you yet?
Linda:
Well no.
Muriel:
And they’ve suspended you? Before they know all of the facts?
Linda:
Yeah. I guess that that’s the policy with accusations of lewdness by a teacher.
Muriel:
Lewdness? Lewdness? Have they any idea what that word means?
Linda:
Mom, calm down. This is just the category it happens to fall into. So they have to act a certain way. Trust me it’ll all blow over.
Muriel:
And Reynolds is just going to let them suspend one of his teachers? No evidence, no chance to put forward your side first.

Linda:
Well what can he do?
Muriel:
He should do something.
Linda:
Mom, there really isn’t anything he can do. It’s out of his hands.
Muriel:
Out of his hands? He’s the principle.
Linda:
Yeah but once these district guys get involved there’s really nothing that he can do. His hands are tied.
Muriel:
Hogwash, Jeff and I’d have been down there in a flash. Telling them about common sense and how they should just butt out and let us teach. And if that got us nowhere I’d threaten to quit, so would Jeff, and we’d have half the parents threatening to take their kids out of school.
Meagan:
Hell yeah. Actions of the people. That’s all they’ll listen to, a show of force. A united front. Us versus the corporate machine.
Muriel:
Not quiet dear. Still you’re on the right track. If you believe that you have done nothing wrong then this suspension is unacceptable. It may be more convenient for them, but to you it is unacceptable. You and Reynolds need to show them that. Show them that or they’ll walk all over you.
Linda:
God Mom. Things aren’t the same as when you taught. They’re more complicated. There’s a way to do things. This is the way. Now I told you it’ll all work out. I’ll be back teaching by Wednesday. That is all I have to say. That is al that any one has to say. (Linda storms out of the room)
Margery:
Well that was dramatic.
Muriel:
Margery. Not now. (She follows Linda out of the room) Linda honey, come back. Diners almost ready.
Margery:
What? What did I say?
Meagan:
Everything, just like always. (Getting up from the table and chases them out) Guys wait up. I have a plan. This is going to be great.

Margery sits at the table muttering to herself as the right side of the stage slowly goes dark. At the same time the left side of the stage lights up revealing a classroom. There are paintings and easels scattered around as well as other art supplies. In the middle of the room is a teacher’s desk. Linda enters from the right wearing a third shirt and begins to wander around the easels looking at the work that is on each one. She smiles as she passes her way slowly to the desk. Once there she begins to take a few items (Book, ipod, and a stack of papers) from the drawers in the desk. After taking out the items and placing them in a back pack, she goes to leave. Then stops. She sits on the desk and just takes the whole room in for a moment. There is a knock at the door that startles her.

Linda:
Come in. (In walks Peter Golding) Oh hey Peter, you caught me.
Peter:
Planning on stealing the precious art? Then what? Some island in the Caribbean?
Linda:
No, I’m more of a manor in Prague kind of girl.
Peter:
It’s good to see you.
Linda:
It’s good to see you too. How are the kids responding to physics these days?
Peter:
Oh they just can’t seem to get enough.
Linda:
I know that when I was young I was always…
Peter:
It’s terrible what they are doing to you.
Linda:
It’s okay Peter.
Peter:
No it isn’t. It really isn’t. That Mrs. Baker has gone too far. And it’s not just me; other teachers feel the same way. Most of us feel the same way.
Linda:
That’s kind, it really is, but Peter I’m just suspended. I’ll be back. Before you know it I’ll be back.
Peter:
Still, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
Linda:
It’s not like I’m in prison. I finally have time to. (Pause) And hey there’s even talk of a segment on sixty minutes. I guess they’re doing a piece on censorship. I’ve never seen my mother more excited. I think that she has a crush on Ed Bradley.
Peter:
Well I just want you to know that I’m here for you, if you need anything. Just don’t let them get you down.
Linda:
How are they supposed to get me down?
Peter:
I saw them on the news the other night. Saying that people like you were what was wrong with America. They shouldn’t be allowed to say things like that.
Linda:
Oh Peter. They should be allowed to say what ever they like. Still doesn’t make it true. Besides I’ll be dammed if I let those Meanies get me down.

Peter:
Meanies?
Linda:
Oh, it’s just something that Meagan came up with. I guess that they are calling themselves the Mothers for Ethical Action Now. M.E.A.N, which easily goes to Meanies which leads to a thirty year old mother of four toilet papering your house.
Peter:
No.
Linda:
Rumor has it there were rotten eggs thrown.
Peter:
That Meagan really does march to her own tune doesn’t she?
Linda:
Since the day she was born. I remember when she was. (There is another knock at the door. Margery quickly walks in.) Margery, what are you doing here?
Margery:
I needed to speak with you and mother said that you had come here for a few things.
Linda:
Margery this is Peter Golding. He teaches Physics.
Peter:
Well I try to. Nice to meet you.
Margery:
Uh huh. Linda I need to speak with you. It is urgent. You don’t mind do you?
Peter.
No of course not. I have papers to grade any way.
Linda:
Don’t mind my sister, she was born pushy, stay.
Margery:
You heard the man, he has papers to grade. Some of us are still working.
Peter:
Don’t mind me; I’ll make sure to check in on you later. Good luck Linda.
Linda:
Thanks Peter. It was good talking to you.
Peter:
You to. (Peter exits.)
Linda:
Okay, what’s so urgent?
Margery:
I wanted to know if you’d given any more thought to the superintendent’s offer.
Linda:
No, I still want to let all my options sink in for a while.
Margery:
I thought as much. To be honest I was hoping to be able to talk to you about it before you made a decision. That’s why I came here. I wanted it to be just you and me. No mom or Meagan cluttering up the whole thing.

Linda:
Okay I’m here. So speak.
Margery:
Well I think that you should take the deal.
Linda:
Okay. Good to know.
Margery:
I’m serious. It’s the best thing for you.

Linda:
And how do you see that?
Margery:
Look, all the district wants is to clear this whole thing up quickly.
Linda:
And quietly.
Margery:
Yes, and quietly. The problem is. Well you see the problem is that the battle lines have already been drawn. Baker and hers aren’t going to let this go without a scalp. And the teachers union will sue to have you reinstated. There’s even talk of the ACLU getting involved.
Linda:
I know all of this.
Margery:
Then the answer should be simple.
Linda:
And how’s that?
Margery:
Baker isn’t going to budge.
Linda:
Neither is the teachers union. They think that this is all bull. And I’m starting to agree. Margery I didn’t do anything wrong. Why should I be punished?
Margery:
Don’t be so naïve Linda. This isn’t about right and wrong. These things never are. What we need to do is find the easiest and best way out for you.
Linda:
And what’s that? Admit I’m wrong? Admit I corrupted those kids? Admit that I’m what’s wrong with America? Hell Margery why don’t I just say that I smoke crack, killed Kennedy and club baby seals, just for the fun of it?
Margery:
Be reasonable. As I said Baker won’t budge.
Linda:
Neither will the union.
Margery:
Yes, but they can’t sue on your behalf unless you let them. Linda if you don’t fight this I have it on good authority that all that will happen to you is that you’ll be suspended till the end of the semester. Linda You’ll be suspended twice that long as the two sides try and sort all of this out.
Linda:
You’re forgetting one thing. M.E.A.N wants me dead.
Margery:
Don’t be so dramatic. After you serve you’re suspension all that you have to do is call a press conference. Then you say that you were wrong. Say that you’re sorry, that after much soul searching you have seen the errors of your ways and want to change. That this whole thing has made you a better person.

Linda:
The only problem is that I’ve done nothing wrong. You know that. I have….
Margery:
Damn it Linda. This isn’t only about you. The rest of us have to live in this town too. What about us? Did you even think about mom? How this is going to affect her? She has a reputation in this town. One that she worked long and hard to build. Are you going to just drag her name through the mud? My name. All so you can what? Be right. I hope that makes you happy. Watching your family suffer.
Linda:
Calm down. I was just thinking out loud.
Margery:
Well think about us.
Linda:
Okay, okay. I’ll think about it.
Margery:
Good, now are you coming home for diner?
Linda:
Yeah.
Margery:
Do you want a ride?
Linda:
No, I’d rather walk. Tell mom I’ll be there in a minute.
Margery:
Okay (Pause) Linda.
Linda:
Yeah?
Margery:
This is for the best. Trust me.
Linda:
I just sometimes want it all to go away. You know?
Margery:
Of course. We all do.
Linda:
It’s just. It’s just I’m not sure why I’m fighting for all of this.
Margery:
All of what?
Linda:
All of this. This job, this life. I remember before all of this I just felt empty inside. You know, kind of dead. And now here I am fighting. I guess it’s just kind of surreal.
Margery:
Don’t worry. Before you know it, it’ll all be back to normal. Trust me.
Linda:
I’ll see you at home. Okay.
Margery:
Okay.

Margery walks briskly out the door. Linda stays for a moment longer looking around the classroom. She walks to the door takes one last look back, takes a deep breath then hits the switch turning off the light.

Go to, Michelangelo, Lewd and un-American 2, for the rest of the play.