Accountants without Borders

The other night, when I was supposed to be sound asleep, I lay wide-awake in my bed. I was going through one of those episodes where my brain just did not want to turn itself off. Of course, I find it ironic that I never have that problem during the day when my mind is supposed to be razor sharp. Nevertheless, there I was, wide-awake while the rest of the household slumbered peacefully. What was I thinking about you might well ask? Well, like most people, I was wondering what I could do to win myself the Nobel Peace Prize.
It took a while, but eventually I came up with the idea: Accountants without Borders. Rather cleverly I thought, I decided I would have to give it the French name, “Comptables sans Frontieres”. That way we could be consistent with that other organization of doctors who go by the name “Medecins sans Frontieres”. There are other good reasons for using a French name:
1. It sounds like you know how to speak French when spoken by Anglophones like me.
2. The French are still upset at losing the 2006 World Cup Final, and this will help restore some of that Gallic pride.
3. The French are even more upset at the “incident” that culminated in their star player Zinedine Zidane being sent off, after being deliberately, and cruelly, struck in the head by the chest of Italian player Marco Materazzi.
There is actually more to the “incident” story than people generally know, and I will share it with you now. If you recall, there was a great deal of speculation surrounding what Materazzi said to Zidane to get him to lower his head. And, for the attack to be successful, he had to lower his head. According to classified documents in France’s Deuxieme Bureau, what he actually said was “Hey Zizou! There’s a 10 euro note at your feet.” On hearing that, Zidane being a trusting soul, looked down, and that was when Materazzi sprung his dastardly attack. To make matters worse, the French hero was deep in thought, wondering how he was going to find the rightful owner of the bank note from among the stadium’s 90,000 fans. Clearly, he was in no position to protect himself when Materazzi threw his chest into Zidane’s unprotected head (bear in mind soccer players are a tough lot and they don’t wear helmets). Materazzi then threw himself on the ground in feigned agony to draw attention away from his brilliantly executed attack. With the sending off of Zidane, the World Cup Final was as good as over, and Italy was crowned as champions. The whole of France went into mourning. I feel that using a French name is the least I can do for their country.
Of course, the other reason for using a French name, is that if the idea fails, we can all say “Oh well it was just a silly French idea!” Business students will instantly recognize this technique, now being taught in the most prestigious institutes of higher learning, “Accountability Transference”. I believe whole books have been written about it, and the Whitehouse uses this technique on almost a daily basis. But I digress.
The organization “Comptables sans Frontieres” will spread joy to those poor Third World villagers that we see on our television sets every Sunday morning. Yes, they need food, clean drinking water, and money, and that is always the highest priority. However, I am talking about a quality of life issue here. Have you ever stopped to think about all of the people, who toil away in Third World countries, who have never even seen an accountant? Some of these folks have never experienced the joy of looking at a healthy balance sheet, or income statement. They’ve never experienced the thrill of an audit, or the unbridled joy one feels from looking at favourable variances. Why should poverty, malnutrition, and lack of health services exclude people from the accounting experience? Accountants are good people. Well, most of them are (we won’t talk about Enron, or WorldCom, or any other accounting scandal for that matter). “Comptables sans Frontieres” will spread the joy of accounting to every corner of the globe, and if the Nobel Committee is on the ball, it should make me an obvious candidate for a Peace Prize. And if not, then it was just some silly French idea.