Virginity, South Carolina

"Yeah, mom, hi! I'm just calling to tell you I found this place. It's in Virginity... Virginity's the name of the town, mom. It's a little ways away from the highway. I've got the whole house all to myself. No, it's not very big, but I got a real good price. Yeah, it's been raining since I got here. What?! No! I don't want Amelia coming to stay with me! I'm trying to go out on my own finally. How am I supposed to be independent if I have to drag my sister everywhere I go? Fine, drop her off. I'm not guaranteeing I'll take her." Jeff hung up the phone.

At the age of 22, Jeff had left his parents house to find his own place. It wasn't long before he stumbled upon the sleepy little town of Virginity, South Carolina and discovered his new home.

Amelia was Jeff's 16-year-old sister, who was now on summer vacation from school and was getting sick of staying home all summer.

A few hours after Jeff's phone call, his parents arrived at his new home and dropped off Amelia and her belongings. Jeff shook his head and showed her to where she would sleep. "My bed's a lot smaller than yours!" she complained.
"That's because you're short." Jeff replied.
"I'll fall out!" she retorted. "And your room has a TV! All I get is a broken hula hoop to stare at."
Jeff wondered where the broken hula hoop had come from. The previous owners must have left it.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Jeff opened the door and saw a small old woman clutching an umbrella in one hand and a basket of fruit and sausages in the other. "Welcome to Virginity!" she announced with a warm smile. Lightning cracked and filled the sky. Jeff invited the old lady inside, where they sat at the kitchen table. The lady set the basket on the table, and Jeff stared at it. "I think you'll find that our community is quite unique and very comfortable." she continued. She reached into her pocket. "And look! Free bowling coupons!" she stuck them in the basket. "And of course, there are our long-standing traditions..." She sniffed the air a bit.
Jeff glanced from the basket to the old lady and asked, "Traditions such as what?"
"Well, for example, no virgin has ever slept in this village in 30 years."

Jeff stared at the old lady. "WHAT?! That's absurd!"
The lady looked confused. "Why is that absurd?" She continued to sniff the air.
"For one thing, how can you even tell if someone is a virgin?"
At that time, Amelia came into the kitchen. The old lady replied, "We can smell them." She turned and saw Amelia. "Oh, hello. You must be Jeff's sister?"
Jeff suddenly realized the direness of the situation as the old lady and Amelia started conversing. He was obviously stuck in some sick Twilight Zone town where he could never escape.

After the old lady had left, the rain had cleared and the sun came out. Jeff wanted to lock all the doors and windows, but Amelia wanted to tour the town. After a little resistance from Jeff, they were soon strolling down main street, looking around at all the little shops.
The first place they went to was a sporting goods store. After a quick look around, Jeff saw many things he could use. Amelia wandered off to the restroom and saw that the ladies' room was out of order, so she walked into the mens' room. The shop owner walked up to Jeff and asked if there was something he could do for him. He asked the shopkeeper if he knew anything about any strange things about the town. The owner replied, "No..." and Jeff breathed a sigh of relief. "Unless you're talking about how no virgin has ever slept in this town for a long time... I guess that's sort of strange."
Jeff was once again disturbed. "And what would happen if one tried to sleep here?"
"Well, I'd expect that they'd either have to leave town, or have their virginity taken from them."
"That's sick!" exclaimed Jeff, now very worried.
A large man with a shaggy beard opened the door to the mens' room and stepped inside. Jeff saw him and quickly asked the shopkeeper, "Could I take a look at that handgun over there?"

Jeff barged into the restroom and saw the large bearded man standing at a urinal. He calmly walked over to the stall and knocked on the door. Amelia responded, "Almost done!" then the toilet flushed and she opened the stall door. Jeff hurried her out of the restroom as the large bearded man washed his hands. Suddenly, the man began to sniff...

On their way out of the store, Jeff pulled the handgun from his pants and slapped it down on the counter.

As soon as they exited the store, Jeff tried to guide Amelia back to the house, but another store caught her eye. This time it was a colorful candy shop across the street. Amelia was immediately drawn to it. There was absolutely no traffic on the road at all, so she simply wandered across, with Jeff very close behind. "Make it quick," he told her.

Inside the store, it was like a sweet-lover's heaven. Any kind of candy you could think of from any time period, plus there were large vats of melted chocolate churning in the back. Then, behind the counter, Jeff saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He walked over to the counter and introduced himself. The woman replied, "Hi, Jeff. My name's Jennifer. Welcome to the Chocolate Works. Can I help you?" Jeff gazed into Jennifer's bright blue eyes.
Unbeknownst to Jeff, a gentleman in his mid-40's had asked Amelia if she wanted to go in the back to see where the candy was made. She happily said yes, and they disappeared behind a door.
Jeff was fixated on one particular piece of candy, and he couldn't take his eyes off her because she looked so delicious. Long blonde hair, amazing figure, larger-than-average breasts... Suddenly, Jennifer started sniffing at the air. "Smell that chocolate? I love that smell."
Jeff snapped out of his trance and said, "Have you noticed anything strange about this town?"
Jennifer replied, "No... I just started working here, I live in the next town over."
Jeff looked around quickly, but didn't see Amelia. "Have you seen my sister? Where is she?"
"She went out back with the manager..." And Jeff was gone in a flash.

The two marched out of the shop, Jeff clutching Amelia by the arm. "That is it. We are going straight home!" he announced.
"Why should we?" Amelia asked. "You make it look like everyone is out to kill me."
Jeff looked at Amelia very sternly. "Worse."

They passed a young man in his 20's on the way home. He was carrying a portable game device and not paying attention to them at all until he took a whiff of the air. Amelia stopped the man and asked, "Omigosh. You have one of those too? These are like impossible to find!"
The young man said, "I know! I've been trying to find someone to play with for a long time! You should come to my place sometime and we can... play."

At the house, Jeff locked the doors tightly and closed all the curtains. Then, the phone rang. Jeff answered it. Jennifer was calling to tell him that he had left his cellular phone at the candy shop and he should come to pick it up. Jeff sighed, and started for the door again. "Amelia, this is important. Keep this door locked and don't let anyone in, not even me. I have my own key and I will let myself in." He patted his pockets. "I had my keys before... Oh well, just let me in. Got it?" Amelia nodded and Jeff set off. It was beginning to get dark.

As the time passed, Amelia watched some stupid TV shows. Soon it was totally dark. Jeff should have been home by now, right? She peeked out the window and saw a dark silhouette strolling toward the house. She hoped it was Jeff, but it was impossible to be sure. There was a knock at the door. Then the doorbell rang. She wished Jeff had invested in a porchlight so she could see who it was. "Who is it?" she asked loudly. No answer. Maybe you couldn't hear people through the door? She unlocked the door and opened it. The man that stepped in the house definitely was not Jeff.

Later on, Jeff was shocked to find the front door unlocked. "AMELIA?!" He yelled, his adrenaline rushing. Then he heard Amelia scream. "STOP IT!" followed by the pleasured laughter of a male voice. Jeff's heart nearly exploded as he looked around the room for an item that could be used as a weapon. Amelia let out a scream of frustration. With that, Jeff barreled down the hall and broke open her bedroom's door.



The young man with the portable video game and Amelia were sitting on the edge of the bed, engaged in a heated game competition. they both leaped and screamed as Jeff barged in. "Jeez, Jeff, what's gotten into you?"
"I was trying to protect you from this town," he replied, to Amelia's confusion. "The people said that a virgin has not slept in this town for 30 years. I was worried that they might not want to break that tradition."
Amelia said, "So... why were you worried about me?"
Jeff was taken aback. "You're not a virgin?"
Amelia admitted, "Remember Thomas?"
"The one with the glasses and the tuba?" Jeff asked. Amelia nodded. "Jeez, you can do better than that. But I thought people around town were smelling a virgin all day."
The young man interjected. "Funny. I don't smell one now."
Amelia thought for a moment. "Wait. You mean, you and the girl at the candy shop?"
Jeff smirked a bit. "One thing led to another and then soon we were buck naked on the candy counter." Amelia had a sour look on her face.

After the young man had gone, Jeff said, "Well, looks like the tradition stands."
"Yep," said Amelia. "I was thinking of taking a better tour of the town tomorrow. Today was pretty hectic."
Jeff thought for a moment. "You know, I was so worked up today, that I didn't even think of how nice the stores were. I like what I've seen so far."
Amelia added, "Yeah, I think this might be a really nice place to live. I should invite some of my classmates."

End