The Sting of Death

The Sting of Death

1 Cor. 15:55 "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?"

I recently was hospitalized for 21 days, many of those in 'critical' condition. I remember my night in the emergency room and then nothing of the next week or so. When I arrived at the ER, I had a blood pressure of 50/12, barely alive. My family was told I probably wouldn't make it through the night. I do remember that, and seeing my second oldest grandson cry. I could not lift a hand to comfort him. I remember being pulled, pushed and pummeled as they tubed, scanned, etc., trying for a miracle which they managed to pull off, this time. Then peace, and I supposed that's when I slept.

I always heard that one's life 'flashed' before the eyes just before 'near death.' That did not happen to me. I didn't feel fear either even though I believed them that I was dying. What I felt was extreme, profound really, sadness.

I thought I will never know if my oldest grandson writes a movie score, if my daughter will ever find true happiness, if my brother ever finds the Lord, if Obama will become the first black president or Hillary the first female president. Will there be a cure for leukemia ever? Will we eventually clone slaves (I have wondered if we will clone a hybrid type of being and use them as soldiers and workers) and so many things. Will global warming be stopped? Will the Muslims and Christians ever get along? Will I ever have a full night of restful sleep again?

To me, the sorrow of death is the 'not knowing,' the 'not being' and the 'not feeling' anymore. My biggest doubts about God comes when I think of death. What a harsh punishment for the children of Eve -- to be given such a gift (life) and then have it snatched away.

Until my 'near death' turns into 'total death,' I want to think, feel and experience all I can despite my failing strength. Today, just hearing another Christmas song was good. Three weeks ago, it didn't seem possible I would hear another one. One more hot chocolate, one more CNN special, one more friend to visit, one more flower to smell, one more bird to feed, one more veteran to help, one more child to laugh with, one more glance at my child, one more hug, one more laugh, just one more...