TWO DREAMERS---TWO DREAMS

I am keeping these reviews because I'll need them as I take inspiration from them to turn this, the favorite story I've ever written, and make it a novel. 

TWO DREAMERS---TWO DREAMS

         There were times that a grimace broke through her lovely smile when a sharp arthritis pain surged through her. 

         Because her students observed the knotted joints of her hands and the fingers that had once played piano concerts to international audiences, they knew arthritis caused the pain reflecting itself in the grimace.  Intuitively, they also knew she was embarrassed in those moments so they respectfully turned their attention to something else.

         She moved slowly down one row of desks, observing her students as they practiced on the silent keyboards, and she paused at the side of those whose facial and body movements indicated confusion.  When the student looked up, her smile projected warmth and understanding.  Then she quietly asked questions and gave instructions until the student relaxed, smiled at her and expressed a word of gratitude. 

         At fifty-seven, Mrs. Ethelene Schuster, taught keyboard and related courses at the Modesto Junior College in the small town of Modesto, California where she had spent her childhood years and learned the beauty and art of the piano from a retired concert pianist.  She was following the same pattern set by her mentor, with a major difference; her hands would no longer allow her to play the piano.  With a broken heart and arthritis-deceased hands, she faced her greatest disappointment and became a teacher.  Eventually, she developed her own unique style for teaching piano without touching the keys.

         Even more than the method which she used to teach young people, her way of inspiring them was masterful because her heart was filled with music and the love of music, especially the sound lilting from the keys of her Steinway on which the lessons were taught and learned. 

         Ethelene lived with the hope that one of her students, at the college or in her private lessons, would reach the pinnacle of success that had blessed her life.  She limited the number of private students she accepted because of her college hours as well as the fatigue caused by the crippling and painful arthritis.

         Brett Kensington was one of the first students who came to her seeking piano lessons when she announced that she would be giving lessons.  At first he was one of twelve students whom she accepted, however, after realizing his talent and devotion to the art indicated great potential as a concert pianist, she reduced the number of students to only five. 

         Brett had recently graduated from Downey High School, Modesto, and enrolled in the community college.  He chose to continue his formal education locally in order to continue to learn piano from Mrs. Schuster.  His dream was to follow the steps of her wonderful adventure with the piano.

         Her music, Brett knew, had been heard all over the world, from small concerts like he was doing by the age of sixteen, to the greatest music halls in America, England, France and Germany.  With her as his teacher, he believed his dream could come true.

         Raised on his family's farm, Brett had learned the importance of hard work and how to apply the same effort over and over again when faced with daily chores that required the same tasks every day.  There was no piano in his home; however, he often lingered at the piano in the small church where his family worshipped. 

         Brett was tall, slender and was a nice-looking young man with his blue eyes and dark hair.  He was a bright student in high school who was valedictorian and graduation speaker.  From the podium at the ceremony, he spoke about music as a healer of the soul with the hope that his fellow graduates would find a portion of the joy for music he had felt since a young boy tapping the keys on the church piano.

         Four years after college graduation, Brett accepted an invitation to an exclusive music school in New York where he expanded his musical knowledge and repertoire.  His dream of success remained in his heart. 

         Mrs. Schuster continued to be his greatest fan by writing letters to encourage him.

         Many opportunities to perform were available to Brett, most by invitation.  He always accepted those invitations, and, in is heart, he knew his dear teacher, Mrs. Schuster, was his benefactor who arranged those invitations.

         Mrs. Schuster finally gave up teaching college courses.  She had to reduce her private classes to only three students. Arthritis crippling, pain, and fatigue continued to be her enemy as it ravaged her joints. 

         She continued her greatest enjoyment which was following and participating in the career of her gifted student, Brett Kensington. 

         Her dream was to live long enough and be physically able to be present the day he would play at Carnegie Hall; her heart knew that one day he would perform there.  She believed in him and his gift.

         Brett received a scholarship to study in England where he continued to enhance the quality of his performance at the piano.  He wrote a letter to Mrs. Schuster in which he told her he had become a European tourist only because he went to so many towns, both small and large, to perform at the piano. 

         She enjoyed his humor and the letters they shared through the years.  He often sent her the program bills from his appearances, and occasionally he sent her special recordings so she could have a sense of being present for some of his performances.

         Brett's career continued to develop until he reached the pinnacle, an invitation to perform at Carnegie Hall.  He was only thirty-six years of age.  Mrs. Schuster was seventy-five. 

         As soon as all arrangements were in place, he was ready to share the wonderful news with his beloved mentor; and, he had no intention of telling her from across the country.  His plane arrived at the Modesto airport late one evening when he called her to ask if he could see her the next morning. 

         She could hardly contain the joy and excitement that she felt when his call came.

         One dreamer, Brett Kensington, knocked on the door of another dreamer, Mrs.  Ethelene Schuster, the next morning and their joy of just seeing each other was wonderful. 

                    When Brett saw how the arthritis was damaging her body, tears filled his eyes. 

         After Brett shared the news about Carnegie Hall, Mrs. Schuster could not hold back the tears of happiness.  The doors of Carnegie Hall had opened for them, her dream and his dream.

         After Brett returned to New York to prepare for the most important performance of his career, Mrs. Schuster remained excited and shared the news with friends by telephone only because she could no longer leave her home.  She was wheelchair-bound and required both oxygen and a live-in nurse's care twenty-four hours a day. 

         Basically, the arthritis had turned her joints to stone, and the fact that she could sit in the chair part of each day was a result of specialty surgery. 

         Mrs. Shuster was filled with sadness because she could not be present for Brett's performance; however, she wanted the evening to be memorable for her, and she looked forward to the gift he would send to her, a recording of the evening.

                  The evening after the recording arrived, Ethelene told her nurse she wanted to be dressed in her royal blue, exquisite gown that she had worn for her own Carnegie Hall performance decades earlier.  She had carefully stored the gown to wear only for an occasion equal to that evening when her dream had come true. 

         Now, she wanted to wear it to celebrate her second dream-come-true, to listen to the recording of Brett's appearance at Carnegie Hall. 

         The nurse had to make a straight cut down the back of the gown in order to place it over Ethelene's arms and body.  She lit candles to dim the room then she placed the recording of Brett's performance in the player.

         Wearing her beautiful performance dress, Ethelene lay back on her pillow, her lovely smile across her face, her hands folded, and listened to Brett's music and the applause of the audience. 

         In her mind, she imagined the stage of Carnegie Hall, the audience, Brett sitting in his tuxedo playing the musical performance of his life with the heart and love of the art of music. 

         As the final sounds of the music and the audience faded, Mrs. Ethelene Schuster closed her eyes and faded with them. 

         Perhaps, if eyes could have seen what hearts can feel, she was present in her royal blue, exquisite gown, sitting at the piano and playing along with him.

         When Brett called the next morning, he was saddened that he could not hear her thoughts about his Carnegie Hall performance with Ms. Schuster; but his heart was blessed when the nurse described her beautiful evening to him. 

         Her memorial service was his first concert performance after Carnegie Hall; she would have loved it.

                  Perhaps she heard every word from a place where her joints were perfect and pain-free.   


This story written with my Modesto Jr College instructor in my mind; I still remember her grace and her gnarled hands.

Dear Reviewer:  thank you for this thorough, helpful review. This was only my third short story when I began writing at 70. You can tell because I had not learned through experiences here at writing.com what a story needs. dialog had me stumped so I avoided in those early stories; now I know much more and have twelve books so far of what I've written at WDC...most of those items are no longer here but I've kept my first three stories here; one I turned into my first book after a WDCer suggested it would make a good novel "Out in Love" and now, six years later, i'm still writing each day. The dear teacher in college was an inspiration to me; at the time I wrote this my own arthritis was very painful.......maybe that's what caused me to mention it too often in the story.

I'm grateful for your help; now I'm wondering if I can make this story into a book as well. Keep reviewing as you do to help the writers here each day.


A wonderful review: :

I'm glad I've had the opportunity to visit you, because you've sent me a few reviews lately. It was nice to check your port out to find this emotional story! I enjoyed reading it and thought the characters came across well. It was easy to get to know them and by the end, I felt the respect they had for each other. *Thumbsup*

*Waterdrop* The concept for the story is a good one, and I see that it is based on a personal experience. I think this helped bring the emotional thread through the story. I liked that there was some background information at the beginning to set up the character of Ethelene. It then slowly focused in on the secondary character of Brett, and built more details on how their relationship grew with her being the piano teacher and him, learning so much from her as the student. It was interesting how she became a fan of his, as he became famous and traveled the world.

*Waterdrop* Suggestions:


Overall, it read smooth, but I found, at times, it moved too fast. I think by slowing it down and even adding more details would push the emotional aspect even further. For instance, in some cases along the way, I wanted to "hear" their voices. This can be done through dialog. For instance, with the one part where she's reading one of his letters, it would have been interesting to quote some of what she was reading. Or, at this part: She could hardly contain the joy and excitement that she felt when his call came. it would be great to "hear" the conversation by writing some dialog. This would slow it down and then the reader could take in more of the character's personality and show the emotion even more.

Also, more details can be brought into what Ethelene looked like. Yes, we can get a general picture on what arthritis does to people, but at this part: When Brett saw how the arthritis was damaging her body, tears filled his eyes. it's a perfect opportunity to describe just how bad she really is with this disease.

I think you can edit some of the instances where arthritis is mentioned. I found that it was written too many times, and once we know that she has this disease at the beginning, we remember as we read further into the story. I think it's just fine to read about the pain she's in, but the disease itself is fine to be mentioned once.

Typo: Paragraph starting with: Many opportunities... Sentence: He always accepted those invitations, and, in [h]is heart,

Paragraph: Basically, the arthritis. . .  *Pointright* The adverb at the beginning here is not necessary. It would make the sentence stronger without it.


*Waterdrop* Final Thoughts:

I enjoyed reading the story very much! Even though it was sad at the end, I felt that it gave me a good feeling because she was proud of what Brett accomplished. She was a great character to get to know, and her life was full and she ended up doing what she loved most -- teaching piano. Some of the descriptions of her disease painted the picture of how she suffered, and it gave me a sense of the pain she was in. I liked how this sentence was written and is one of my favorites: . . . the arthritis had turned her joints to stone This gives a good visual on what it was like to live with this disease. I thought the emotion of the story came through well, and I really liked how it ended. A touching story! Keep up the great work. *Starbr*

When I read your note at the end of the story that this one was your third short story when you started writing, I browsed again on your port to read more recent items. Your writing have indeed improved! I am impressed *Thumbsupr* and inspired *Star*.

I hesitated to continue on this review, but then I thought that I'd like to contribute for this story. I've tried to analyze your presentation and extracted three parts from it. Here's what I've got and my suggestions.


*Right* *Reading* The first part is about Mrs. Schuster, her achievements, and her health issue.

*Cut* *Paste* The line “unique style for teaching piano without touching the keys” piqued my interest. How I wished you have described more on how she does it. I also thought that maybe you could have described first the unique style on the earlier part of the story, and then showed to us the condition of her hands. The reason behind her unique style.


*Right* *Reading* The second part is about Brett Kensington, his determination to be like his teacher, and his achievements through the help of Mrs. Schuster.

*Cut* *Paste* On this part is the best way in revealing more who Mrs. Schuster was through the admiration of Brett. So, I thought that stating the international performances of the teacher on the first part can be omitted. Else, as it was presented, it sounded redundant.


*Right* *Reading* The third part is about the realization of the dreams of the two dreamers.

*Cut* *Paste* The sentence that started with “He wrote a letter to Mrs. Schuster” could mean that Brett informed his teacher on every detail of his musical journey. I thought that it would be better if this would be rewritten in another way or the word detail (or any relevant word) be used as a keyword since this shows the depth of a relationship formed between the two dreamers. (This is just a suggestion, though.)


*Heart* The sending of letters and recordings appeals the most. The resignation of Mrs. Schuster from teaching while her protégé was on his way to success made me thought of sunrise and sunset. I love this hidden message.

*Heart* The information that performing at Carnegie Hall as the pinnacle excited me. The wearing of the gown, and then the closing of teacher’s eyes (for eternal rest) along with the end of the recorded music showed the best drama for me.


*Thinker* At the end of my analysis, I imagined the story of having it presented through the voice of Brett rather than the narrator’s voice. This idea came up because of the line music as a healer of the soul from Brett's valedictory address. If he's the one telling the story, then maybe this line could have more power as a sub-theme rather than being a line simply narrated. I also thought that it would be great to listen from the story of Brett about her teacher since it could give more emotional impact and personal connection which would certainly glue the interest of the reader. I also noticed that several times I stopped reading and tried to weave the connections of some parts, and so, Brett's narration may also slow down the pacing of the story.

Hmmm... What do you think, GrANNbest4writingLesbian;Smile ?


*Exclaimr* My final thoughts

For me, a good story leaves an inspiration and something to ponder on. Aside from crying at the end of this moving story, it reminded me of my Mathematics teacher who chose me to receive an in-depth math lesson from her. I am also thankful to her for she had helped me recognize my learning ability which would have been impossible without her guidance. Like Brett, this event in my life had left an important landmark along my life’s road map.

I admired Mrs. Schuster’s determination in continuing passing on piano skills despite her arthritic hands. I also admired Brett for his gratitude to his teacher and his continued connection with her.

With all these impressions, your story is truly inspirational. This deserves your editing attention which I am certain that would turn great with what you have now.

I really thank you for sharing this story with us. I'm dreaming that this be seen published. *Bigsmile*


Grateful,