Allie

Allie was an introvert. She did not like to talk to people whom she was not familiarized with. She stayed with her parents in two-stories detached house. Her father was an orthopedic doctor and her mother was a ward Sister.
Since she was a child, Allie’s dream is to be a cook. She always enjoyed watching cookery shows, by Mr Martin Yen who was a great cook himself. During the school holidays, she loved to cook dishes and bake tarts for the family and her own pleasure. When Allie had grown up, she decided to study Course in Culinary Skills in Shatec after she completed secondary school course.
She was in great joy when she found out that she had passed all her subjects with each subject graded a B. She wanted to tell her plan to her parents though she knew both her parents were busy.
That evening, the whole family was gathered to eat the dinner. Before Allie could open her mouth, Mrs Poon, Allie’s mother gave her a sheet of paper. “Allie, go through it and filled in the form.”
Allie look at that piece of paper and read its details. On top of the paper, title was written in large bold and italic font “Sponsorship of Diploma in Nursing”.
Allie squeaked softly, “Mama, I have already told you that I am interested in learning culinary skills, and I want to study in Shatec. Don’t you understand what I want?”
Mrs Poon, who was a stern and strict mother, put down her chopsticks, looked at her daughter and replied patiently, “I know what you want, but it may not be good for your future. What is good to be a cook? Nursing job in Singapore is refer as ‘metal bowl’, is an unbreakable career. You will surely have a stable income and will have a good future. You know, one of my colleagues who used to be a Sister got a chance to study Degree of medicine. At the end, she furthered her study by studying Master of Medicine and became a doctor after she graduated. It’s too good a opportunity to pass by.”
Allie protested louder, “Do you know there is even a diploma course for culinary skills? Its not sounded as cheap as you think. Who knows one day I would be a boss of a restaurant?”
Mrs Poon getting to lose her patience, shouted, “Don’t be ridiculous! How much can you earn as a boss of a restaurant? Who knows one day you may get bankrupted?” She panted a little while, take a deep breathe and continue, “Girl, listen to me. Go and study Nursing, so that you can get something to fall back on.”
Allie kept quiet. She felt angry over her mom said, but she knew that what her mother said got a point too.
Mr Poon who was munching his food and took a sip of soup. “Listen to your mother, she knows what is good for you.”
Allie shook her head. She knew her father always sided with her mother. She was very disappointed over their reactions upon her plan.

* * *

It was the eighth month since she started study the Diploma of Nursing. She found no interest in the course. Not a single bit of it.
Though Allie admitted being a nurse could help people and serve people, but she knew that being a cook could have more satisfaction than this.
The exam would be started in another three weeks time. She closed her book and stared outside the window. She felt very stress and hopeless. She just could not understand what the lecturer taught. When she asked her mother to explain certain module, she also could not figure out what her mother taught.
Soon she realized the main point was she was not interested in Nursing. She had shut her ear off whatever her lecturers and her parents taught. Her heart with deep passion was in cooking. Suddenly she stood up, went out of her room, and knocked on the door of her parents’ room.
“Yes?” Mrs Poon answered the door.
“Mama, can I talk to you for a while?” Allie spoke softly as usual.
“What is it about? Its late, you should sleep now. Tomorrow you have to go to school to attend lessons.”
Allie swallowed her saliva hardly, “Can I drop off the course of nursing?”
Mrs Poon could not believe her ears. She said, “I thought you able to cope your study. Why do you need to quit?”
“Mama, this is not the point. I don’t want to study Nursing in my life. I don’t want to work as a nurse in my whole entire life.”
Mrs Poon persuaded her daughter patiently, “Are you feeling stressful over difficulties in your studies? I will explain to you whatever you don’t understand.”
Allie felt irritated. Her mother still did not get what she said. “Please mama, don’t force me to do what I don’t want to do.”
Allie no longer endure her mother’s unreasonableness. “Mama, you are the one who force me to sign up the course. I did not even want to be in the course in the beginning!” She stomped inside her bedroom and banged the door loudly.

* * *
The next day, she went back home immediately after school. She felt alone and hopeless. She had no friends to listen to her problems. She felt that there was no one able to support her. She started to cry, but being upset and angry could not solve the problems.
She sit up and pulled out one of drawers which contained a medium-sized penknife. She scrolled up the blade and placed it nearer to her wrist. She cut her own skin open. Drops of blood drooling on the stationery table…

* * *

Auntie Sherly was the one who sent Allie to hospital, the hospital that she had signed the course with. She was the maidservant who saw Allie committed suicide when she swept the floor. She had no child of her own and treated Allie as her own daughter. She felt a tense of heart pain as she sent Allie to hospital. Its same kind of heartbreak feeling she had when her young daughter died of leukaemia.
She had heard the quarrel between the daughter and the mother. She decided to have a talk to Mrs Poon.
“Mrs Poon, can I have a talk with you?” Auntie Sherly requested.
“I am busy, I am going to hospital to visit Allie.” Mrs Poon spoke coldly.
“I know. But it only takes a while. It is about Allie.” Mrs Poon stopped herself from walking to the door. She turned around and looked at Auntie Sherly.
Auntie Sherly continued, “I had a daughter who had leukemia, died around eight years old, without able to go in primary school and secondary school. She could not live a normal life like Allie.”
Mrs Poon folded her arm, getting impatient, “What is your point? I hate people beating around the bush.”
“Mrs Poon, Allie is your own flesh and daughter. Do treasure her; let her choose her own path.”
Mrs Poon finally understood what Auntie Sherly meant. “Are you trying teach me how to deal with my daughter?” she sneered.
Auntie Sherly answered her, “No, what I meant is this, Allie is a live person treasure her as yourself. Don’t wait till anything happen, then you will feel remorse for not treasure her.”



Mrs Poon was at Allie’s bedside. She saw Allie was in pathetic shape, strike a tight slap on her face and rebuked her, “Why did you commit suicide? Did you know how much effort I have to talk to Directors of Nursing to continue to take you in? They think that you are not suitable to be a nurse since you unable to take stress over your studies, and want you to quit the course. You have shown disgrace unto me, mind you!” After she left the ward, Allie cried in pain. Not much in physical pain, but emotional pain. So much pain that her heart suddenly turn hollow and empty.

* * *

She glazed at the skies. The stars shone beautifully at night. Stars usually represent hope, but now to her she felt as if there was no tomorrow. She remembered how her mother from the beginning wanted her so much to study in Nursing to how her mother slapped her viciously. Did her mother really want good for her or she just want Allie to be like her out of her own selfish ambitions? She did not know. She shook off her thoughts. She walked step by step. Till the end, Allie closed her eyes and tears rolled down from her cheeks. She mumbled to herself, “Mama, I am sorry.” She breathed deeply and walked the final step and took a jump to death of hopelessness.

* * *

Mr and Mrs Poon wept bitterly over their daughter’s death. They did not understand why Allie wanted to seek commit suicide as a resort to solve her problems. “Allie, why you so foolish? If you have any problems, you should have come to me. I will help you, Allie…” Mrs Poon wailed loudly and held her daughter’s favourite photo of herself closer to her chest. Mr Poon shook his head, hugged Mrs Poon and comforted her.