Our Best Kept Secret

         Christine lay awake in bed.  She looked at the clock, it was 2 AM.  She lay there, awake, while Samantha lay sleeping with her head resting on her chest.  Christine rested her head on her pillow.  She still couldn't believe after all these months that this was happening. That she had found a true love.  A love so great that she could barely breathe thinking about Samandttha.  Beautiful, wonderful Samantha.  Thinking this she looked down at her.  Her eyes were closed and her long blonde hair flowing down her back and on her shoulders.  Christine smiled and kissed Sam's forehead, holding her closer, feeling her warmth.  She lay there awake. Not caring.  She turned around, the clock now read 2:15.  She smiled to herself, knowing she probably wouldn't go to sleep for another few hours.  She just lay there, thinking back.  Remembering everything that her and Samantha had been through.

         Christine and Samantha had known eachother pretty much their whole lives.  They met when they were 5 and over the next 10 years they became the best of friends.  They did everything together.  They were around eachother every day and when they weren't physically with eachother they were on the phone.  They were as close as anything. They knew everything about eachother.  They didn't know they could get any closer, they didn't know they could fall in love.

         They had been through a lot when it came to boys.  By highschool they had their share of relationships and break-ups.  It wasn't until their freshman year in highschool that things started going crazy.

         Samantha was single.  She was taking a break from guys.  She wanted to concentrate on more important things.  She wanted to make sure she got good grades and did well.  She didn't want to be distracted by the drama of being in a relationship.  Though most guys tried to get her, she turned them down.  She just didn't want a boyfriend. 

         Christine was with someone.  She really thought she loved him.  He seemed never to approve of her.  This was hurting her terribly.  Samantha knew.  She knew her best friend was in pain.  And she hated Rob for causing the pain.

         "I really think you would be better with someone else Chris, or even alone."  She told Christine on the phone one night.  "But, I love him, I don't want to leave him."  Christine said.  "Christine, come on he treats you so bad and you two always fight."  Christine was about to say something back when the doorbell rang.  She got up and opened the door.  It was Rob. He looked mad and disappointed.  "Sam, I gotta go."  She said nervously.  Before Samantha could say anything, she had hung up. 

         "What the hell are you doing?" Rob asked, walking in the door.  "Rob, what are you talking about? Whats going on?" "Oh, don't give me that Christine." he said, inching closer to her. She shrank back, so afraid that Rob was going to hit her. "Who were you talking to?" He grabbed her by the wrists. Christine got scared and started crying, trying to pull away. "I was talking to Samantha, why are you freaking out?" She was really scared and trying to pull away.

         Rob tightened his grip on her, shaking her slightly. "Don't lie to me you little whore." he said, his eyes filled with rage. "I know you're fucking around with other guys." Christine shook her head. "No, no, Rob, no, I'm not." She cried as he tightened his grip even more, she tried to pull away. "Baby, I love you, Rob please. Believe me. I would never cheat on you." She was now sobbing. "Where did you hear that?" Rob didn't say anything, his eyes softening a little. He let go of her.

         Christine backed away from him, crying. He seemed apologetic, but only for a moment. He lifted his arm and slapped her, right across the face. She started crying again, harder. "No, don't." He grabbed her again. "You fucked him, don't lie, you stupid little slut." She pulled away and yelled, "Who did I fuck!?"

         He looked hard and mean at her again. "Don't play stupid with me. You fucked Jeremy. You fucked him and you know it." She gasped. She remembered. That's not what happened though. He forced her. She thought about this. Jeremy must have told Rob that I willingly had sex with him.

         He grabbed her and shoved her against the wall. "Admit it Christine, admit that you fucked my best friend." She shook her head, crying. He grabbed her harder. "ADMIT IT!" he yelled. She was crying harder than ever now, choking on her tears. She decided to admit it, hoping it would make things better. She knew it wasn't true, but she said anyway, "I fucked him." She said, choking on her words. "I liked it, I wanted him, I'm a whore."

         At that, Rob lost it. He started beating her. Throwing punch after punch, swearing at her, calling her so many names. She cried, she screamed. She couldn't believe she had said that. She hoped it would make things better, but it only made things worse.

         After what seemed like hours, he stopped. She lay there, crying. He looked apologetic and took her into his arms. "Baby, it's okay. I'm sorry, I just lost it. I love you." She shook her head. "No Rob, it's over. I hate you. Leave. Just...go away." He let go of her and walked away. "Fuck you bitch!" He yelled, slamming the door.

         She lay there, sobbing. When she finally got the strength to get up, she ran. She ran out the door and didn't stop until she got to Samanthas house. Samantha opened the door to see her best friend in tears.  She immediately took Christine into her arms. She told her the whole story. "Oh, sweetheart." Samantha said, holding her. They stayed up almost all night in eachother's arms. Their bond growing stronger.

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         I woke up in Samantha's arms.  I felt so safe and warm, like nothing could ever hurt me again.  I didn't seem to want to get up.  But I wanted to see if I had any bruises from the night before.  So I got up, gently, ever so gently, as I didn't want to wake her up.  I looked back at her, sleeping.  She looked so beautiful. 'Wait?  Beautiful?' lying there, asleep. I'm straight, I can't think that.  I just can't.' I got up and ran into the bathroom, deciding to take my mind off of what I just thought about my best friend. 

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         When Christine got into the bathroom, the first thing she did was look in the mirror.  She instantly started crying.  There were bruises all over her face.  She looked down at her wrists.  There were bruises and red marks there too.  Looking at them like that made them seem to throb in pain.  She broke down and sat on the floor in the bathrooom and started crying harder.  Christine's crying eventually woke Samantha up.  She quickly went into the bathroom to be with her friend.

         "Christine, honey whats wrong?" she asked, kneeling beside her.  Christine just shook, sobbing.  "I hate him.  Look what he did to me, Samantha."  She turned around, and for the first time, Samantha saw the bruises on her face, she saw the redmarks and bruises on her arms.  She couldn't take this any longer, she had seen her friend in pain for far too long.  She too, broke down, taking Christine into her arms.  "Chris, it's okay.  It'll be okay.  Baby, I won't let him hurt you anymore."  Christine burried her face in Sam's shoulders, hugging her back.  When Christine pulled away, Samantha gently kissed her forehead.  Christine looked up at her, wanting more.  Craving more.  But didn't dare do anything nor say anything to her.

         Christine looked up into Samantha's eyes, brushing the hair away from her face.  She leaned up and kissed her, softly on the lips.  Samantha sat there, frozen.  She didn't move until Christine had pulled away.  She then leaned down and touched her lips against Christine's.  It felt so good to both of them.  So warm, so loving.  They felt as if nothing was going wrong.  It never seemed to occur to them that they were both kissing another girl.  Samantha got more inviting and opened her mouth, but just as Christine slipped her tongue in, she pulled away.

         "Christine, I can't do this.  I just can't.  You're my best friend, and we're both straight."  Christine got scared and apologized.  But she wanted more.  She looked at Samantha and instantly knew that she wanted her.  She wanted her more than she had ever wanted anyone before.  She knew.  She knew right then and there that she wasn't straight.  She had never felt for a boy anything that she was feeling for Samantha.  Perfectly wonderful, beautiful Samantha.

         Samantha stood up and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Christine feeling puzzled and dazed.  So many things were running through her mind, and they all seemed to come back to Samantha.  She wanted Samantha more than anything in the world.  She knew that she wanted to be with her.  It was coming to Christine's attention that she wasn't straight.  Not even a little bit.  The more she thought about this, the more she came to realize that she was a lesbian.

         Now, Christine had always been happy with guys, but about her 8th grade year she had started to notice girls.  She ignored it, thinking it was just a phase she was going through, like a puberty thing.  But once Samantha held her in her arms and kissed her in the bathroom, all those thoughts came back to her, and she could no longer ignore it.  She had to admit it to herself. Despite everything she was taught.  Despite everything she thought was right, she knew she liked girls, and she could no longer fight that feeling. 

         After a while, Christine got back up and left the bathroom.  She walked into the living room and Samantha was there, watching T.V.  She sat on the opposite side of the couch.  "Sam, I'm sorry about what happened in the bathroom."  Samantha looked at her friend.  "It's okay, Chris." 

         That was all that was said about it for months.

         Just because nothing was ever said about it between the two girls, doesn't mean that Christine ever stopped thinking about Samantha.  She thought about her constantly.  Being around her made it even worse.  Being close to her, smelling her perfume and when they hugged, Christine wished that she never had to let her go.  She wanted her more as every day passed. 

         Christine stayed single after Rob.  She never got another boyfriend.  She didn't want one, but she never came out.  She was afraid that everyone would look at her differently.  But what she was most afraid of was that Samantha would never speak to her again.  That was the worst thing that could happen to her.  She was afraid that if she came out, Samantha would somehow know that Christine was in love with her, and get scared and never talk to her again.  Christine didn't want that.  She wanted to be as close to Sam as possible, even if she didn't have her as a girlfriend, she wanted her as a best friend.  For that moment, that was just fine with Chris. It was perfectly okay.