David and Shiva

David stirred, rising from his sofa. He had been unable to sleep; of course the brief respite from reality had eluded him tonight. It was midnight, and so it was the beginning of the final day of the Earth. What an odd combination of start and finish.

David turned on the television and changed the channel to Fox News. They always had the most apocalyptical take on recent events. Maria Statin’s beautiful figure appeared on the screen, as the bottom of the TV alerted viewers of the change of date. For a moment David was pensive and disappointed. This would be the last time he’d get to see the wondrous chest on Miss Statin, a personality obviously hired for her bodily assets instead of onscreen eloquence.

Maria Statin took a deep breath and dove into her spiel. “Well, as you can see, it is now March 15, 2020. This is the day the asteroid from space will come bearing down upon our little planet and send us to either a quick or prolonged death. As of observations taken within the last ten minutes, the asteroid is on the same track it’s been on since it was first discovered. At 10:23 P.M. tonight, it will collide with the town of Peoria, Illinois.”

A groan rose out of David. This asteroid certainly was a problem; the ending of all human life would probably impact his well-being in one way or another. And it had been enveloping the news, rumors, and conversations for three months! What a nuisance. Discovered by a Korean scientist in early January, the prediction that an asteroid roughly the size of the one that killed off the dinosaurs became an instant hit in the media. What’s more, the asteroid would even hit right here in the United States, in fact a mere hour’s drive from David’s apartment. What coincidence.

At first, the asteroid, nicknamed Shiva after the Hindu god of destruction, provided a welcome distraction from everyday life. It had seemed impossible that the world would not come together to stop it somehow. After all, we could nuke our own planet a hundred times, right? But all efforts to either sway the asteroid from its fateful path or blow it up were futile. As a testament to man’s impotence, the shuttle that had been constructed to alter the trajectory of the asteroid by its own gravity burned up in the same atmosphere that scientists hoped might just roast Shiva. And those same scientists insisted that if we attempted to blow Shiva up, the asteroid would just splinter into dozens of small rocks that would inevitably kill us slower.

David was altogether glad that the slow-death plan didn’t fly with President Desbert. Many people had claimed that he was doing nothing and allowing the world to face its doom, but David trusted the scientists’ predictions that nuking Shiva would only make matters worse. David would rather die quickly, something he’d certainly be granted based on his geographic location. Apparently, a good number of people agreed with him. The population of Peoria and the surrounding area had skyrocketed in the last three months. The influx was mostly religious cults that saw Shiva as either an actual God coming down to Earth, the retribution against humanity by the gods, or the most popular explanation, the Second Coming of Christ.

Jesus returning to Earth brought mixed results to Christianity. Those semi-mainline branches like Adventists saw their membership increase a hundredfold, as did extremist groups who acted like saving their evangelical soul was tantamount to winning World War II. Hard-hit was the Catholic Church, which was forsaken by its populace. Many had interpreted Armageddon as God’s punishment for the abuse of one too many boys.

Shiva had also interrupted the normal processes of other industry. Vegetables and fruit revenues plummeted when the asteroid first broke news. No one wanted to eat healthy anymore, or exercise. Full exercise machines went for twenty dollars. On the other hand, bomb-shelters and machine gun sales had never been higher. Shiva also gave rise to industries that had previously been considered taboo. As people desired to indulge themselves in the finer points of life in their last days of life, others were right at their side to indulge them at abhorrent prices. Amusement park tickets were currently being sold for $400 on Ebay. Government also eased up on regulations to appease the country. Fireworks were openly sold on the streets of any city, drug dens were no longer dens but superstores, and stadiums now housed gladiator fights. David attended one of these and threw up multiple times. Yet he had been sucked into the moment and the crowd, and most importantly the gore. Doomsday came a few weeks early for many men in the arena.

Perhaps the most noticeable and provocative of the new industries was the ascent of “The Works.” This product could not be marketed anywhere, it entailed the complete set of human happiness in one shot. It was not uncommon for coroners to label their clients victims of the ecstasy of “The Works.” The sheer and total high received during the process was unendurable for some. Being happy had its limits apparently.

Once a customer entered a Workplace, they were laid down on a vibrating bed that gently massaged every inch of their back, legs, and arms. They then selected they wished to dine upon, and the options were limitless. Any food imaginable was at your fingertips. Next came the choice of drugs. And then, the most important part, the choice of whore. The customer could request his whore to dress or perform some unspeakable act to satisfy fetish if he was so inclined. Music to suit the situation could also be provided if the want was there. Finally, the experience began. As the customer engaged the whore, he was fed the food he wanted through an odd contraption and given a hit of whatever drug he wanted through an even more peculiar one. As the drug machine anticipated the reach of climax by the customer it injected the strongest laxative that could be administered without inducing a coma. Thus the customer was assaulted with all the worldly pleasure available to the human mind at once.

David himself had undergone “The Works” once. It was something he’d definitely never do again, but he had enjoyed every minute. His food of choice was T-bone steak, his drug heroin, and his whore Wendy, an appetizing twenty-something Asian who really knew how to bun a hot dog. She had told him that back in China she’d advertised them on the street, except there they actually were dogs that they put in as the meat. Strangely enough, David truly believed that the best high he got was from the rush of excrement (although it was hard to tell, as they all came at once in one muddled mix of perfection). He had bottled up that particular urge the whole day due to a busy schedule.

Without a doubt, the best thing Shiva had done for the world was in the area of foreign affairs. Although nations could not always agree on what to do about Shiva (Israel finally admitted to having nuclear weapons when they took aim at the asteroid. Their weapon missed and somehow hit Iran. At any other time in the modern era it would’ve caused a world war), old enemies put down their arms in the face of God. Everyone would be dead, so it didn’t matter if you were Muslim, black, Tutsi, or even Nazi. Peace reigned supreme, at least in the area of international wars. America pulled out of Iraq, Russia left Chechnya to its own devices, Israel withdrew from Palestine, and Canada gave Quebec its independence at last.

The strangest reaction to Shiva had come from China. The Commies there even refused to acknowledge its existence, because a capitalist from across the bay found it first and it wouldn’t sound good if they told their citizens that they were unable to stop it. Actually, a joint US-China attack on Shiva might’ve killed her, but tensions had been strained ever since plastic dolls sent from Macau were found to contain high amounts of anthrax. China simply decided to tell its people to ignore the second moon that had suddenly appeared and grew with every night.

The great thing about the asteroid’s landfall was that it would happen at night. For everyone in America to see, and David was currently seated in the front row in his apartment. He’d be able to fully experience the enormous asteroid collide with his town. Joy.

David decided it was time to make some breakfast to kill his pointless asteroid-filled thoughts. His last breakfast ever, which really was a bummer. David emptied his freezer and made the biggest sausage breakfast sandwich made in the last five months (the record had been set in Zimbabwe in November). As David munched on his sandwich he contemplated his next move. Should he go into work? As chances of asteroid destruction fell from slim to almost naught, David decided work was a useless enterprise and the final week or his life would be better suited doing more enjoyable things, such as watching his first cockfight. David asserted that going to work would be a bad idea, although he’d be able to say goodbye to all his friends there he’d have to explain that betting on the outcome of snail races was more stimulating than adding up the debits for a picture frame producing company. In a show of his employer’s strict and truly evil personality he’d reprimanded David for skipping work through email, telling him that this was the reason he’d never advanced farther than junior accountant of cherry wood sales, Peoria branch. Like David cared.

Instead, David would spend the day with his real friends, those he’d met in the course of everyday life. First he’d go see Sam. He was a real friend who’d always stuck by David’s side, and they always did everything together. Conveniently, Sam lived only three levels below David. David refused to acknowledge this as the primary reason they were friends. David moved for the bathroom and brushed his teeth. As he gazed into the mirror he saw a pale face look back at him, a miniature head with eyes darting from side to side. People often described David as “a pitiful beetle-faced man with no future.” But what did they know.

David donned an olive green sweater and walked to Sam’s apartment. He knocked on the door ten times, reciting the specific order and space between knocks he’d established with Sam. This was a practice for some reason that only David followed. Sam did not answer the door.

“C’mon Sam, I know you’re in there!” David shouted. “I also know that you’re not asleep, no one would be asleep on the last day or their life! So you can’t use that excuse on me again!”

David vainly tried the ten knocks again and got no response. Well, no response from the person he intended to have one from. An utterly repulsive woman emerged from the opposite apartment. She was as wide as a tank, and she looked just as powerful as one with a large dough roller in her left hand.

“What do you think you’re doing? You’re interrupting my husband’s second last chance to enjoy my company!” she shrieked, brandishing the roller threateningly.

“Looking for my friend,” David blurted out, extremely wary of being whacked.

“What, Sam? He left town five days ago. Wanted to get farther away from the impact zone. He never told you? He told me, and I hate him!”

David was temporarily taken aback. Why had Sam not informed him of his departure? A true friend would’ve told David that he would soon be disappearing from the face of the Earth. Even though he would’ve anyway five days later…yeah that was it. Sam just didn’t want to waste the energy to tell him such a pointless fact.

Well, David might as well get going to the next friend on his list. Aaron was his real best friend, and would certainly welcome David into his home at this time on this very special day. Unfortunately, Aaron lived in downtown Peoria, so David would have to drive to his house.

David fired up his SUV, one of the last models legal due to its gas-guzzling tendencies, and made the trip to Peoria. Aaron was David’s roommate at Colgate, and he turned out to be hyper-successful. He owned a grand house in the ritziest neighborhood of all Peoria. He was also the Senior Executive of Goldman-Sachs, Midwestern Region. He’d married his high school sweetheart, an agonizingly pretty woman named Jessica.

Contact between the two had slowly deteriorated over the nineteen years since graduation. For the first decade they had corresponded regularly, but the calls and emails became fewer and farther between. David blamed it mostly on Aaron’s hectic lifestyle. Hard to have time for old buddies when you’ve got a job like his, and a wife like his. David knew that Aaron had at least one son and one daughter; perhaps he’d doubled his child count by now.

Reaching Aaron’s house in fifty-five minutes, David approached the door and gave it a couple hard knocks. He waited for a moment, hoping that it wasn’t too early in the morning for Aaron and the rest of his family.

Luckily, the door opened, revealing the stunning Jessica. In a striking contrast of effect, the baseball bat she wielded actually made her look ever more attractive. “Why are you here at this time of night?” she shot at David.

“Um, I’m just here to wish goodbye to Aaron, this is the last day we’ll ever exist. You see, I’m his old college buddy, David Leslie. I hope I’m not waking up Nathan or Sarah.”

Jessica stood in the doorway for a moment before admitting David into the house. “No, we let them stay up because they’re adults now and no longer live with us.”

Oh yeah. David had forgotten all about that little fact: Aaron and his soon-to-be wife had gotten it started a year before graduation. “Right. My bad. So I’m not interrupting anything then?” David queried, recalling with detail his confrontation with Sam’s neighbor.

“No, you aren’t. We’re just having some last quality time with our younger sons, Alex and Douggie.” Jessica walked towards the kitchen and David followed her, his eyes glued to her magnificent behind.

“Oh, how old are they?”

“Alex is twelve and Douggie is ten. They really are energetic. Here, we’re all in the living room.” Jessica led David down a small corridor and into a very impressive room. Three plasma TVs hung from the walls, all cordless, and a very sleek computer sat on his right. Marble statues and busts adorned the room.

And in the middle of it all sat Aaron, looking almost exactly as he had when David last saw him (fourteen years ago). Perhaps an effect of being so rich. At his side were two little boys who must be his sons. Upon seeing David Aaron’s brows furrowed and he suddenly looked like his age. “David? What are you doing here?”

“I’m just here to say goodbye. After all, we are going to be incinerated in about twenty hours from now. And the projection of Shiva lands it right on top of your home, so I’m expecting you not to live through the initial blast.”

Aaron stared at David for a moment and then shook his head. “David, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t remind Alex and Douglas about the asteroid. Their minds don’t need to think about that.”

“Yeah, and soon their minds won’t be thinking anything!” David cackled. Aaron had always liked his sarcastic jokes.

“You never had much in the way of social skills, Dave,” Aaron said sternly. “Please do not mention Shiva again. We still trust in Jesus to save us.”

“I see. Well, then I guess there’s no need for goodbyes, if Jesus is going to spare your lives.”

“Exactly. Now this is family time. Strictly family. You’re a family friend. Now, if you’ll please leave, I’d like to spend some time with Jess and the kids.”

David was struck with this verbal blow. “You don’t want me here?”

“No, it’s not that. I just want to be with my family now. That is all. Now, remember that Goldman-Sachs is your best option concerning finance, and goodbye, Dave. Have a nice day.”

“Yeah, you too. Bye.”

As David shut the door behind him, he could not help but think he was being pushed out of his best friend’s house.

Well, there was still Amanda. He’d go to her next. Surely, she’d spend the day with him. After all, Amanda would have to. No one else would want to be with her. Amanda was surely the ugliest and most despicable person in the world. Despite this fact, she had the honor of being the first person David had ever been intimate with three years ago. They had met secretly for a year and then fell out. David had no idea why she wanted to meet in secret, but it suited him fine because he didn’t want any of his other friends to know he was with her.

Fortunately, Amanda lived almost exactly halfway between Peoria and David’s apartment. The drive would only be a half hour and not waste too much of David’s remaining life. Cranking up the hard rock-it made him feel like a big man-David began the drive to Amanda’s house. He arrived there on schedule and tapped on the door lightly; normally Amanda was asleep at this hour. David would know, after all.

To his surprise, the door was actually opened. But not by who he’d thought would. A tall and lanky man, completely devoid of muscles, graced the doorway. Well, not graced, more occupied. There was nothing graceful about the man at all, it looked as though his frail body would collapse at any moment. His glasses also seemed as though they were coming dangerously close to falling off his face. And he was downright ugly, too. Being straight, David didn’t really know what made a man look good, but whatever it was, this guy didn’t have it.

“Who are you?” he asked, eyes narrowing.

“My name is David Leslie. Is Amanda home? I’d like to speak with her. Are you her brother or something?”

The man at once looked very suspicious. “Amanda?”

At once David understood. “Ah. Does she not live here anymore? Did she move without telling me?”

“No, she didn’t. She still lives here. But why would she tell you if she moved?”

“Because I used to date her.”

The man scanned David darkly. Suddenly his face showed he understood. Understood something bad. “So it’s you who sent her those emails,” was all he said.

“What are you talking about?” David asked, but just as the man was about to respond Amanda suddenly appeared behind him. She frowned deeply when she saw David, and her eyes flashed. Her enormous figure towered over the man standing in the doorway, and her

“David! Why are you here?”

“I just thought I’d spend my last day with the woman I’m destined to be with. After all, if we don’t get back together today, I doubt it’s going to happen at all.”

“David-I was drunk and stoned when I met you. I continually met with you because I was desperate for someone else and you paid me well. This man in front of me is Jared. He’s my husband. In the year I sometimes got together with you I was engaged with him.”

This revelation hit David even stronger than Aaron’s harsh words. He’d meant nothing to Amanda, that whole year was just an illusion. Wow, so far his last day of life had certainly been one of the worst. “So all the times we met, it didn’t mean a thing to you?”

“Dave, we met a total of four times. We haven’t talked since your extremely dissatisfying premature explosion on the last time.”

“I told you, your outfit was very stimulating-”

“Look, David,” Amanda cut in, “you should leave. Now.”

“Not before I get a piece of him,” Jared growled. “Lemme go get my machete with lasers and sharpened spikes attached to the side.”

Although Jared barely looked like he could even lift a machete, David ascertained it was a good time to leave.

Well, that left only one person in the whole world David counted as a friend. Bert. His old buddy from high school. They went way back. Hopefully not too far back that he wouldn’t remember David.

If David remembered correctly, Bert lived in Indianapolis, a not-so-great two hours from his present location. But David needed someone to spend the day with, and Bert would be overjoyed when he saw David’s face for the first time in countless years. David made the drive, this time a little slower than usual due to traffic. Apparently more people than him wanted to reach cherished ones.

A full three hours later David was in Indianapolis. He went to a telephone booth and opened the yellow book sitting inside. Flipping the pages for J (Bert Jamison), David soon learned that there were in fact two B. Jamisons in the Indianapolis area. One lived on Arbeck Street and the other on Delion Avenue.

Randomly deciding to call the Delion Avenue number first, David dialed the given number and waited patiently. After the fourth ring with no answer David was about to hang up, but suddenly there was a voice on the other end of the line.

“Hello?” the voice was light and groggy. Not exactly as how David remembered his friend’s voice, but it had only been one word spoken.

“Hey, I’m looking for Bert Jamison. Are you him?”

“No. Do I sound like a Bert Jamison?” Indeed, the speaker did in fact sound quite feminine.

“Ah. No, sorry I interrupted your sleep Miss Jamison.”

“Miss? My name is Brad, I’m male. But if you come down to Delion Avenue I can show you just how manly I am. I just broke up with my husband and plan on getting married again soon, so take me while you can!”

David immediately hung up the phone. Unlike the majority of Americans, David did not approve of condoning homosexual behavior. David speedily dialed the other number.

This time, four rings did not yield an answer. Neither did five. Or six, or sixteen, or sixty. David hung up, accepting the fact that Bert was not going to answer his phone; he must be a heavy sleeper. Or have caller ID…no, he mustn’t, because if he did he would’ve surely answered the phone. In David’s mind, there was only one thing left to do. He’d have to personally go see Bert. Jotting down the address (2351 Arbeck Street), David hopped back in his SUV and navigated the streets of Indianapolis, finding without too much difficulty Arbeck Street.

Unlike the neighborhood of Aaron, Bert’s street was a conglomerate of stink, drugs, oil, and lawlessness. Not the best area. But still, it was where his very best friend of all lived. 2351 Arbeck Street turned out to be one of the better looking apartments on the street, not full of garbage piles.

David went up a flight of stairs and knocked roughly on Bert’s doors. When no one responded within, David tried the door handle and was shocked to find that the door was not locked. David entered Bert’s apartment, shouting, “Bert! Bert! It’s David Leslie, your old high school friend! I’m here to spend the last day of the world with you, so just wake up and have some fun!”

David pushed open the door that seemed like it could lead to a bedroom and discovered that Bert was indeed sleeping. He was in a very peculiar position for a sleeping person (his body was contorted, and his hand clutched a gun pointed to the side of his head). And for some reason, there was cranberry juice splashed all over his bed. In fact, it looked like it had come from his head.

When David pushed Bert and he did not wake up, David snatched his pillow and beat him continuously over the head. This was also to no avail. David then pistol-whipped his friend, causing a scary contusion to form on his back. This also did not wake Bert up. In one last attempt, David shot Bert in the foot. He tried to shoot again but the gun had had only one bullet in it.

Then it dawned upon David. Bert was not asleep, he was dead! And judging from the existence of the gun, he probably committed suicide!

What could’ve possibly pushed Bert to kill himself, David did not know. Surely, suicide would be fairly pointless on the last day of one’s life. There was a note next to his bed. David bent over to read it.

I kill myself today to end the pain I experience. Nothing I could do could rid myself of the monster eating me. I cannot simply forget the love of my life. I am heartbroken. But that is not the only reason I die. So many people have wronged me.

The people who have only slightly done me wrong are so numerous, I’ll only mention a few here. Let’s see. There’s my boss, Advon T. Applebury. I work for the guy for twelve years, and he doesn’t give me one raise, won’t let me sleep with his daughter (or son!), and he almost fired me because I stole a company pen from work. Then there’s Jeb Stillman, my landlord. He seems to think it’s illegal to keep snakes in an apartment for the purpose of pleasuring oneself. Another guy pissing me off is Ted Kennedy. His logical plans for the advancement of the United States through a slight move to a more socialist nation simply won’t work. Why won’t he die?
But the person who truly caused this is none other than my ex-spouse. I hate him. I hate him so much, because he’s a dirty whore and he hates me. I’d give him a good slapping if I could. I hate Brad Jamison! I wish I never gave him my last name. If I could steal that back I would.
However, there are some people who made life worthwhile. My best girlfriends, Cindy and Holly, I’ll never forget you. You helped me get through some tough times with Brad. I’d also like to thank Mikey for helping me too. His services were greatly appreciated. I’d also like to credit Lewis, Megan, and Cassie for making life marginally enjoyable. After college everything really went downhill, and I thank you for making sure it didn’t become a freefall. And for those people who made high school and college great, thanks. That’d be Marcus, Amy, Joe, Deegan, Fred, James, Harry, Alice, Emily, Maddy, Emma, Ethan, Will, Olivia, Dylan, Liz, Grace, Rob, Lauren, and Cameron.


Wow. After all those faithful years as a friend David didn’t even register. But why would he want to be on that list? Bert seemed to be fairly gay. He also seemed to have been married to the loser David called a half-hour ago.

David set down the paper as he realized this was the end. Bert was his last friend in the world, and he wouldn’t be spending today with him. What would he do now? David sat down on the bed, next to Bert’s corpse, as he contemplated his next move. There really wasn’t much to do. Truth be told, David had already accomplished everything he’d wanted in life. That sort of made dying easier to accept.

David exited the apartment and walked down the street. He chanced upon a wider boulevard and continued meandering on his way. Nothing exciting in mind, there wasn’t anything to do. Eventually David, unaware of where he was walking, trampled on the feet of a sprawled beggar.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” the man shouted.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m a little distracted right now. You know, Shiva and all. My mind really isn’t concerned with stepping on some random bum.”

“You wanna go?” Suddenly the man was on his feet, fists ready to be thrown. David slowly backed away from the man. David was more of the kind of guy who’d kick you in the balls or gouge your eyes instead of take you straight on.

“Um, well, no actually…actually…” A new idea dawned upon David in a moment of enlightenment. “Actually I was just going to buy you a nice double bacon cheeseburger at McDonald’s.”

The fists quickly fell to the man’s side. “That’s a much better idea. Lead the way!”

As a McDonald’s was conveniently located on every block in the world, David and the beggar (who explained his name was “Ivan”) speedily found said restaurant. Ivan ordered what probably amounted to as much as he ate in a typical year and sat down at a table to consume his meal.

“So, what do you like?” David began awkwardly. This really was strange, taking a bum into a McDonald’s just for some chat.

“Hold on. You’re not into me, are you? What’s your angle?”

“No, no, no, I’m as straight as George Bush was insane. Don’t worry. I’m not into that stuff. I just really need someone to spend my last day of life with.”

“Oh, well then I’m your man!” Ivan’s expression brightened considerably. “I’d pretty much do anything to get free stuff. So, what are we going to do together? Play some miniature golf? Shoot some people with paintball guns? Shoot people with real guns?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of a movie.”

“I thought you said you weren’t gay?”

“Oh, I’m really not. But what else is there to do that’d be more enjoyable? We could see Rocky Balboa XXIII.”

“I do love Rocky movies. It’s a date!”

And so David and Ivan went to the nearest cinema they could find. Ordering a couple of tickets for Rocky, they took the left corridor down to Screen #15. David and Ivan chatted before the film and during the coming attractions, and David was delighted to find out that despite the fact Ivan was a former drug user and now just a plain bum, he had a strange knack for knowing exactly what to say at the right moment. David felt considerably better about the day by the time the lights dimmed and the movie began.

A little over two hours later the friends emerged from the cinema with beaming smiles. Rocky had once again come back from the gutter and overcame the odds to beat the best boxer around. And this time at the age of ninety-seven! What a hero.

“I wonder if Rocky could save us from Shiva,” muttered Ivan. “I bet you he could. With one good uppercut.”

“Well, I wish he was real. Now that I’ve met you I don’t really want to die.” It was true. David felt something he’d never felt before with Ivan. Perhaps he’d finally found his actual best friend.

“Yeah, me too I guess. But in a non-sexual way.”

“Of course,” David said with just a little remorse.

“So, what now?” asked Ivan.

“Hmm…how about we take craps off the Overland Bridge?”

“One of my favorite pastimes!” Ivan exclaimed. “I’m in!”

The pair took the short walk to Overland Bridge, dropped their pants, and excreted on the cars below. Naturally, this fun did not last very long, and the McDonald’s food acted as an impassable butt-plug, but David did manage to hit an unsuspecting car right on the windshield.

“Haha! That was a lot of fun!” Ivan guffawed. “Much more fun with two people! You know what, if I’d have known that we’d be doin’ stuff like this, I wouldn’t have even asked for McDonald’s food. Thanks so much, David, you really brightened my last day.”

“How about I brighten your night, too?”

“Alright, now what the hell does that mean?” Ivan’s expression suddenly turned suspicious.

“Well, I’ve just got a nice apartment back near Peoria, I could drive us there.”

Ivan became wide-eyed. “Peoria! Isn’t that like right where Shiva’s gonna land?”

“Yep! That’s the fun of it. Besides, Ivan, you would’ve had to have left by now if you didn’t want to die upon impact. China’s a long way from here, you know. And you wouldn’t want to die slowly like they will. And if we go to Peoria, we could have front-row seats! Maybe even tape the impact and put it on YouTube!”

“Well, I dunno, I’ve never gone with a guy to his apartment before…”

David could see that some bribery was again in order. “I got some old pizza in my apartment too, you know.”

Ivan grinned. “Alright, that seals the deal. Where’s your car?”

It took David and Ivan a full three hours to arrive back home at the apartment. David immediately heated up the stale pizza and served it to Ivan, who appreciatively gobbled the food up. David hooked up the PS4 and they played until darkness fell.

“It’s almost time,” David said, glancing at the clock. “We’ve only got one hour left of life. Think we should go outside? I’ve a patio. Put me into endless debt, but that doesn’t matter anymore…”

“Yeah, let’s go outside. I wanna see how big this b*tch is,” profaned Ivan.

Well, this b*tch was a cow. Shiva had grown to an unimaginable size, covering almost all the night sky. The asteroid glowed a dirty-white, and the light reflected from the sun darkened the rest of the stars. The only thing visible in the heavens was death.

David and Ivan settled down onto adjacent chairs and idly spent the time between PS4 and apocalypse talking about their lives. So much they hadn’t done, but very few regrets. It was a peaceful time.

The conversations became deep and probing, and David and Ivan revealed their most-hidden secrets to one another. Their secrets turned out to be the same thing, quite coincidentally. David left his chair and clambered onto Ivan’s.

By this time Shiva had completely enveloped every dark patch of the sky. Two minutes later it crashed into the earth. The world exploded just as David did.