The Morbid Musings of Della

"Its about time."

These were the words she vowed to utter in the presence of The Master of The Universe on the day of her untimely meeting with Him. With the ball bouncing in her court she would stick it to Him royally and in doing so would humble the Originator with her courage. This, she calculated, would momentarily distract Him from the terrible sin she had committed in being there before Him and so provide her with a brief window of opportunity to deliver her argument.
         
"But if He should inform me while I am stood upon what I imagine will be a                    psychedelically decked limbo"

Because The Lord Of All Things had to be a '80s electro-pop aficionado with a penchant for kohl pencils and this perfect taste would manifest itself (because all things took instruction from the will of His Imminence) in the décor of the Intersection between the living and, well, the other thing. Mirrored disco balls would hang from seemingly nothing in the ongoing sky and reflect the dull glow that no doubt emanates from His mass (hangovers are all the rage – everyday is a party in Heaven)

"that my life's luck was about to take an infinite turn for the better"

Hers had so far been the most miserable existence led by any creature on the face of this ill-managed earth and signs of cheer and/or hope were nowhere to be seen. She had bartered and bargained to the point of attempted suicide and still there was no change in her circumstances, which are, as ever, ordained by His Omniscient One. Questionable habits she may or may not have adopted, in search of a less selfish end to her life than the one she had engaged in before, proved unfruitful and were now a cause for secrecy and nuisance in a life filled to the brink with secrets, lies and frustrations. Such callousness could have been perpetrated by none other than The Almighty Himself and so she had become embittered by the fact that her calls for divine intervention went unheeded. Thus there was but one choice left to make.

"in a mere week from when I chose to take up eternal abode in the hereafter."

To commit murder upon herself; this was the only option left open to her since He had slammed all other doors so insultingly in her face. For no other would grant her the audience with Him that she desperately sought in order to confront His Righteousness about His AWOL status, the validation of claims stating Dakota Fanning is the Anti-Christ, whether he really appeared on The Simpsons, where the real WMD are, the meaning of Thierry Henry, whether He foresaw the hideous misuse of the literary tool, abbreviation and the madness and destruction it would inflict on so many lives by unleashing the likes of LOL, BFF and IMHO into mainstream conversation and which actually came first; the chicken or the egg, amongst other burning questions.

"I'll go for His neck."



- The Morbid Musings of Della.