Star Trek: No Beach to Walk On

Captain’s Log, Stardate 2820.4:
The Enterprise has rerouted to Starbase Eleven to deliver Lenore Karidian to the authorities. The death of her father has obviously caused great mental strain. As soon as medical specialists deem her competent to stand trial, she will face multiple charges of murder. The incidents of the last few days have finally given some much-needed closure to a terrible chapter in the Federation’s history.

Personal log, supplemental:
The death of Anton Karidian – who actually was the infamous Kodos the Executioner – has left me with more questions. What caused him to finally acknowledge his past? He said he was tired. Was he tired of running, of hiding? Was it age that finally made him realize he had to surrender to the truth? To see him die… even though I wanted Kodos to face justice, I never imagined I would see him die by his own daughter’s hand. Even if it was an accident. Such a waste.

         Captain James Tiberius Kirk sat at the center of the bridge of his ship, and wondered if it was all worth it.
         He was still reeling from the discovery that Lenore had been the one on a killing spree, murdering the few remaining witnesses who could identify her father as Kodos the Executioner. He’d never suspected the girl, thought that Anton Karidian had been the one eliminating those who knew what he had done on Tarsus IV. Now the girl was in the medical facility at Starbase 11, watched over by security guards on the off chance that she’d ever recover from her breakdown. And the former governor was dead, killed by his own daughter when he stepped in front of a phaser beam meant for the captain. Kirk kept telling himself that he should feel good about justice being served.
         Instead, James Kirk just felt hollow inside. The sounds of his ship, which normally gave him solace, just seemed – how had Karidian put it? – mechanized, electronicized… and not very human. He found no comfort in his usual place.
         The ship was running with a skeleton crew. Kirk had approved a short time ashore  for everyone while the ship took on supplies. At the moment, Kirk was alone on the bridge with Commander Spock at the science station and Lieutenant Farrell at the helm.
         Spock. The one who had been convinced from the beginning that Karidian was Kodos. Kirk sometimes envied the Vulcan’s coldly methodical logic. Did it make it easier to make decisions, choices? Kirk wondered how Spock would fare in command of a mission with that rigid logic as his principal guide.
         Behind him, Spock stood from his station and descended the stairs to stand next to the command chair. He held a PADD in his hand. Kirk was starting to learn how Spock sometimes allowed his emotions to affect how he acted, how he stood. There was something in the Vulcan’s manner now that set off little warning bells.
         “Spock? You look… tense.”
         “Tense?” The first officer shook his head slightly. “No, sir. However, I have something to report that may be somewhat… unsettling to you.”
         Kirk tensed himself. For Spock to describe something as “unsettling” meant something very wrong was about to happen. What could possibly go wrong at a Starbase? He took the report from Spock, looked at it. And he had to look at it again. It was a transfer request. Simple enough.
         From Janice Rand.
         “What the devil is this?” Kirk was stunned, felt gravity shift in his stomach. Rand? Why would Rand request a transfer? Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Farrell trying not to notice the outburst.
         “I am at a loss to explain it, Captain.” Spock was clearly not sure how to approach the matter. “I received the request just after we put into Starbase Eleven.” As the ship’s first officer, he was responsible for handling the personnel requirements of the ship. It was logical that he would be the first to see this. His reluctance to approach the captain about it meant… what? Did Spock suspect something about Rand and the captain?
         “She’s given you no explanation?”
         Spock shook his head slowly. “She did not make the request in person, and I have not had an opportunity to discuss it with her.”
         Knowing how Kirk had felt about Lenore Karidian, the first officer had volunteered to supervise the transfer of the prisoner. Kirk had agreed, silently grateful to his friend for taking the matter off his hands. The transfer request must have been sitting at Spock’s station, waiting for his return to the ship.
         What was Rand thinking?
         “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Mister Spock. I’ll deal with this myself.”
         Spock inclined his head. “As you wish, sir.”


         Kirk stood outside crew accommodation unit 3C 46, indecisive. How was he going to handle this? And why was it bothering him so much?
         “When I get my hands on the headquarters genius who assigned me a female yeoman…” The thought came back to him, unbidden.
         And just as clearly, he remembered McCoy’s snide question: “What’s the matter, Jim? Don’t you trust yourself?”
         He’d reassured the doctor then that the female he had responsibility for was the Enterprise, but was that really the whole truth?
         OK, get it over with, he told himself. Before he could change his mind, he was pushing the announcer button. From inside, the clear alto responded, “Come in.” The door swished open, and Kirk stepped across the threshold slowly. It was his ship, but this was her domain, and Kirk almost felt like he was intruding.
         She was packing. The paintings were already gone. The easel that had stood in the corner was folded and packed away. Everything that had made this unit Janice Rand’s home was gone. Kirk stood there, not sure of what to say, not sure he had a right to say anything.
         She turned, stood abruptly when she saw him standing there. “Captain!” She took a deep breath. “Spock told you.”
         Kirk nodded slowly. “Spock told me.” He took two steps into the room, stopped as he remembered the last time he’d been in her quarters. Well, part of him had been here. He backed up a half-step, seeing on her face that she remembered as well. “Yeoman…” Why was he trying to keep this formal? Was it for her protection, or for his own?
         “Sir,” she interrupted, “please don’t make this any harder than it has to be. I need to do this. It’s best for my career.”
         “For your career? Or for you?” Kirk now knew how she felt about him.
         “Sir, I don’t think I’ll be able to serve as your yeoman, not after what happened on… Miri’s planet.” She couldn’t meet his eyes, looked down at the floor. What was going through her mind now? Kirk could see she was troubled.
         “All of us were under a great deal of emotional stress. No one was thinking clearly.” Just weeks ago, he’d been taken aback by Rand’s admission, “I’ve tried to get you to look at my legs.” Had he been blind? And what had he felt at the time? What was he feeling now?
         She stiffened, met his gaze finally. “That’s just it, sir. I was thinking clearly. About everything. About missed opportunities. About the fact that I’d never really tried hard enough to get you to notice me. And then, when we were dying… only then did I say anything. And it was totally out of line. I’m surprised you didn’t get rid of me yourself.”
         Kirk was surprised. “Why would I do that? You’re a fine officer. An excellent yeoman. You do a great job. I’ve told you as much.” It came out sounding too officious, too rehearsed, he knew. But what else could he say? He was the captain. Could he really afford to let his guard down?
         Rand sat down on the bed. She still couldn’t look at him very long. “I know, sir. And I appreciate the commendations. And I’ve learned so much here.”
         Kirk was starting to feel frustrated. “Yeoman…” and then he had nothing else to say. What could he say? He was a starship captain.
         Rand looked up at him. “Sir, since I’m transferring off the Enterprise, do you think we could dispense with rank for just one minute?”
         Kirk nodded, knowing she’d made up her mind and that he wouldn’t be able to stop her. He watched her stand up slowly, walk toward him hesitantly.
         “Jim…” She reached up to his face, her hand hovering. Then she stopped, her face a mix of emotions – love, fear, anger, sorrow. Regret won. “When the Onlies had me prisoner, and you came after me… I knew then that I couldn’t stay on the Enterprise. I’d never want to  compromise your ability to think clearly in a crisis.”
         He put his hands on her shoulders, feeling awkward. They’d shared many moments together. But never like this. He’d never allowed himself to think of her in any romantic sense. How could he have a relationship with a member of the crew? What would that make her? The Captain’s Yeoman? Or more accurately, the Captain’s Woman? For she was very definitely a woman. And he’d never allowed himself to notice. McCoy had been right. He didn’t trust himself with her.
         “Janice, I would have done the same thing for any member of my crew. You know that.”
         Rand’s smile was forced. “I know. But if we did get… involved…” She left the thought unfinished. She thought for a moment. “If you ever had to rescue someone close to you, it might cloud your judgment. You might even manage to break a regulation or two.” She smiled softly. “How would Starfleet feel if you suddenly decided to take the Enterprise on some wild rescue for just one person?”
         Kirk just looked at her. “Janice, I don’t know what to say.”
         She smiled softly. “This from a man who bluffed the First Federation into diplomatic talks.” She let herself be held, stepping into his arms, putting her head against his chest. “Oh, Jim…”
         Kirk held her, smelled her perfume. It was floral. He couldn’t remember the name, knew she’d mentioned it in her report after Charlie Evans had come aboard. The young man had conjured up a bottle out of thin air. What was the name of that perfume? It seemed such a trivial thing, but it was important to her.
         Rand pulled away. She sniffed slightly. Looking up at him, she drew back into herself. Kirk saw tears in her eyes, but they never fell. “Sir, it has been an honor serving with you.” The formality of the words did nothing to hide the pain in her voice.
         “There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”
         Rand shook her head. “No, sir.”
         Kirk felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Where were these feelings coming from? Had they always been there? “What will you do next?”
         She actually brightened somewhat. “I’m thinking I might go back to Starfleet Academy and take some refresher courses in communications. Maybe even a class or two in the command track.” She shrugged. “You never know.”
         Kirk was able to smile a bit. “You never know.” He turned to leave, then turned back. “Janice, you know you always have a place here if you ever want to come back.”
         She nodded, her chin coming up slightly. Her place in the Enterprise family was secure, and it made her stand just a little straighter. “Thank you, sir.”
         With that, he nodded a good-bye, and awkwardly left her quarters.
         Kirk wandered the quiet corridors. Spock could handle things on the bridge for a while. He just needed some time to himself, time to be a person, not The Captain. He found himself in the arboretum, his feet aimlessly taking him past plants and flowers. Some were new, no doubt Sulu’s contribution.
         He knew he would approve her transfer, knew there was a good chance he’d never see her again. Still, the universe had a way of working things out in its own way. He thought about those moments after he and his dark half had been reunited. Thoughts about Janice Rand. Were they his regrets? Or his wolf’s?
         “No beach to walk on.”
         Time to get back to work.

         “Captain, all departments report ready to depart.”
         Being at Starbase 11 had put the Enterprise at the right place at the right time, according to Commodore Stone. Kirk wasn’t so sure.
         “Is High Commissioner Ferris settled in?” The bureaucrat had arrived just hours before with their orders to proceed to Makus III. Kirk had done his best to avoid the man. Bureaucrats always gave Kirk a…headache.
         Spock nodded. “He is. And he is rather anxious to get underway.” The Vulcan voice betrayed him. Kirk looked at him. Was the Vulcan annoyed?
         “I’m sure he is.” Though this was a humanitarian mission, Kirk wasn’t feeling very charitable toward the commissioner. The official had already proven himself annoying, in that way bureaucrats had. This mission needed some redeeming value. Kirk thought for a moment. “If I remember correctly, our course will take us near Murasaki three-twelve, won’t it?”
         Spock nodded. “It will indeed. And Commodore Stone has already appended our orders to include exploration of the phenomenon.” The science officer was almost gleeful.
         Well, gleeful for Spock, anyway. Kirk turned to look at the view screen, more aware than he wanted to be of the empty space to his left. Rand had stood there so often. “I used a hand phaser, and zap! Hot coffee.” She would be on Starbase 11 now, settling into temporary quarters until the USS Yorktown arrived to transport her back to Earth.
         “Captain?” Spock’s quiet inquiry brought him back to the here and now.
         “Mister Sulu, set course for Makus Three.” Time for looking forward. Looking to the past always was a hazard.
         Sulu nodded and turned to his helm controls. He and Lieutenant Riley made the proper adjustments on the center panel. Sulu pushed a sequence into his main control board and reported, “Course laid in, sir.” He seemed as eager as Kirk to get the mission over with.
         Kirk sat back. He somehow couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d see Janice Rand again. But still…
         “No beach to walk on.”
         Spock turned to look at him. “Sir?”
         Kirk shook himself. “Nothing, Mister Spock. Something another man said once. Mister Sulu, engage. Warp factor one.”