WHO ARE YOU MOTHER?

Your strength intimated me
For many years
I was blinded by your screams, yells and fists
and was not able to see myself
or you...

Many days you made it hard to live
I kept secrets
that I wanted to share...
your being did not welcome my voice
my touch, my hug, or even a look

The pain I felt each time
a man entered my life and vanished,
pierced through my mind
I question you,
you never warned me...

You never told me
how things could be...
How a man could enter you
and remove a piece of your soul each time
leaving you physically hot
but internally stone cold

At 17 I was confused
Hungry for a guidence that never did show..
Didn't know how this was supposed to be
didn't know that if you gave too much away
that inside you'd feel even more low

What you had with Dad
was wild, scary and to me untrue..
We watched as your face was struck
We saw your body turn black and blue..
I'm sorry for the pain you felt,
but we felt the pain too
I'm sorry when that day came
when *Lucy and I left there without you

You stayed behind
and I tried to press forward
Each time I looked back
were you there, or was I the one
being ignored?

I say this to you
now that I am a mom too...
I love you because you had me
but too many times, I did not know you