Is this the end?

Sometimes there's moments in your life, when you think things are too good to be true, then it proves you wrong. That's why there had to be some catch to that phrase. It's like you spend all your time thinking of the best possible out-come and you never consider the reality of it all. You know, what about the fights, the differences? Do you think about that, not really because if it doesn't happen now, whose to say it will ever happen? No one likes to think of the bad, but that's the reality of it all. We've got the good & the bad. If you're always looking for reasons to not be with someone you're always gonna find them. It sucks, knowing that it's not some fairytale and we may not all live happily ever after. You give them so much of who you are and you let them in without hesitation and it feels like they're constantly stabbing nails into your almost broken heart. Yet, they perceive things differently. It's like we're so caught up with the faults we see in other people, that we're not caring about the faults they see in us, or the way we should see each other as a whole. It's really horrible isn't it? Some of it, not all. Just when someone wanders into your life, taking all the bad and giving only good and for a second you think "I could really spend the rest of my life with them", but then the more complicated part of it starts to happen. First you add in the jealousy, the paranoia, the control, the white lies. Suddenly it all starts to build on one another and you're almost left with nothing but pseudo happiness and sex. People search their whole lives for that one person and at first you think it's great, this person seems a lot like you, they are fun to be around, but then they start to show you who they really are and you start to regret for a second, the choice you made? But it doesn't stop you from getting completely into something you know you shouldn't, you just go and pray for things to change. And when they don't, you don't let it bother you much because you have so much faith in your significant other that he/she will change. You sometimes both think you have this great connection, this great bond that will never be swept away from you, but when it is, it comes as a suprise. That's reality, we never think of what might be, just what is. You'll spend your whole relationship thinking this person is the right one for you, thinking nothing is better than this, until it's taken away from you, then you realize maybe you we're wrong? Or maybe you weren't, maybe it was just a break you needed and you two will end up together again sooner or later. Or is that just being delusional, living in denial? Do you really know if it's gonna happen again, probably not. But you try to keep your head up and for a second when you start to feel the love again, the powerful true meaning of what love is, you get shot down again, because they are scared to give in again. Vulneribility, it's what causes that's unspoken pain. The pain in your heart, going through your veins, deciding if they should get another chance or should they just live knowing that their love was all but a tease. You see at a precious prize, it makes the world go round and round, but that's not true. Love stops everything. You write the letters, you gaze into each others eyes, you hold hands and you constantly say I love you and for just a second you remember how great it is to feel that. When you've searched for something you've wanted your whole life and you finally have it, why do you drive it away? Why do you dig a hole into the ground so deep you can't get yourself out of it. And sometimes you'll be afraid, you'll be so afraid. You don't want the worst possible thing to happen, but if it does will you be okay? Will you sit in your room dwelling on everything that was, instead of all that is. Will you carelessly destroy every living organism in your body, because you feel weak and powerless agaisnt them. Or do you just forget about and search for something better. What if there isn't anything better, what are we searching for then? Do you really think there's one person out there for each person. Each person just has someone, at the time of falling in love, yeah I could say it's true, but once the love has vanished, you're left with the truth, and the truth is no one wants it. And the one who broke your heart asks you w hy it worries you so much or they will tell you'll find someone better, but in the end it's all the same darkness. It doesn't matter if you find someone better, it doesn't matter if you get over them, what matters is that they broke your heart and that's something we won't ever admit. Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination, so which would you be? Insane & Happy or Unhappy & Sane?

That is all.

All we can do is live on prayer for now.