--- life

Today was a boring day, I wonder if people know what im thinking. Anyways if youre reading this you might like to know who I am well im ---- and 13 years of age I live in a suburban boring town of boring things I have a boring giant house and boring father. But my mums terrific she lives in the bordering town (theyre divorced) and she got remarried and now has twins with my step dad. Hes a pretty cool guy, he’s a lawyer. The two babies are nice I play with them and I primarily live with my father but he’s not too cool. I love my mom she treats me like she knows me and is quite a good friend we talk for hours about drugs and something or other. I smoke marijuana and see nothing wrong with it, it just makes me feel good but my father disagrees and caught me the other week smoking and grounded me for a month. My girlfriend doesn’t like it either but she’s tried it. Whatever I think its fun. I really dig music I listen to it all the time its kind of like sex and drugs that’s how good it makes me feel. So aside from the basics now that you know whose who in my life. Oh I have an older brother too he’s a dick. I go to our shitty school which I don’t like. I’m not the normal kid I hate the people who dress average as most people say the ‘prep’ they all wear nike’s and stupid faded jeans. Uggs and a short skirt. I have short brown hair (which I’m growing out and dyeing platinum blonde) hazel eyes which change daily, a few pimples but I use proactive now which I don’t recommend to anyone it really doesn’t do shit. I wear pants that are a little tight usually unless theyre all in the wash and I have to wear my old wigger clothes) and some kind of artistic shirt or band shirt. My father wants me to go to private school, all the teachers seem to love me so they write recommendations for me. Which is odd because I don’t say more than a few words to each of them. I don’t know why my dad keeps on trying to get me in I’ve purposely failed the SSAT’s twice now. As much as this town sucks I have some good friends that make it worth while (Katie, Julia my girlfriend, Evan my bestfriend, meg my other best friend, Arnold who’s just pretty cool and a couple others) I hate private schools. I hate the thought of it I hate everything about it, because I have to wear a shirt and tie to school everyday this is bullshit! I hate the thought of conforming to wear the same outfit as everyone else. All these schools and right wing bullshit anyways. All the teachers say I’m a genius but I don’t put work into school. They say I can be an A student. I couldn’t care less because what does an A get me money, what will money get me, certainly not happiness maybe a house or something but I don’t like materialistic things I believe in Buddhism it’s a cool belief and I meditate about twice a day for as long as possible. Anyways I don’t pay attention in school because I don’t want to learn the things they teach if it’s interesting Ill learn everything about it. But most is stupid what will algerbra ever give me? I think its stupid to learn all of these things and I don’t want to so personally all my teachers can fucking suck it.
This was the beginning I just woke up and I’ve got nothing to do today, accept for my hockey game Julia’s goin to her friends evans got his punk band concert and megs grounded. So ill sit and hopefully find a new book because I just finished how the light gets in that was great. So basically I’ll be sitting here all day. Ive decided to write this because I love writing and I suck. Horribly at it. But what I want to be when im older is a writer im an artist and I feel the most compassion for writing so as this goes along hopefully I will get better but for now you can deal with my bad writing. I know this im what I should do I don’t want to be some business man or some corporate dick I just want to write stories. I don’t like dreams they give you false beliefs. But my dream is to go to some other country. Which could be happening because I might go on a teen tour thing this summer. I think I want to go to Thailand or fiji and go do community service there to help little kids. I think that would be quite the experience. But life is currently hell. Im on the phone with my mom and saying how much of a dick my father is because he flips out whenever I spend money but hes rich as fuck and needs to waste his money on somethings so apparently my brother was listening in on the conversation comes in and starts punching me in the legs and the stomach about 20 times so I wouldn’t bruise. And I ran away from him and told my dad (but we’re in a fight) he doesn’t even pay attention and just says do you have any marks so I tell him to fuck off, and now hes trying to prove that my mom has been a bad parent for 3 years in court. I think hes stupid because ill end up living with my mom if he trys to sue and hed have to pay child support. Whatever too many adult issues don’t you ever feel like you’ve grown up but you just looked in the mirror and realized it. I think a fun way to become a kid again is tie youre shoes with mittens on. This makes you feel childish because youre so helpless and cant do anything on your own. Sometimes I pretend im somebody im not just to wonder what its like to not have a fucked up childhood. Ah yes childhood heres a flash back of my childhood: fathers always yelling at mum because she needs to spend money on clothes for us. They get divorced and when my mother screamed IM LEAVING FOR EVER I ran after her screaming I never want you to leave and she picked me up and we walked for miles im not sure to where. They got divorced and my father got custody of me. Then my father found a women he used to know in high school they dated for a month then got married but she was an alcoholic and tried to beat me because she hid her alcohol in my room but I didn’t know it was alcohol so I drank it thinking it was punch then she tried to beat me but I puked on her shoes. Then they got divorced. Then we had a nanny steal our money. Then we went out to dinner to get a new nanny and we were talking to some new nanny lady and once we got home my house was burning to ashes everything I had was destroyed completely gone forever. Ever since ive been obsessed with ffire I’ve been burned about 10 times now. A few were accidents. And others I was playing with fire and it slipped and fell on me. So I couldn’t tell my dad. Once I was burning a pen and it dripped on me and then dried on my finger so I remember spending about 2 hours lighting the plastic on fire to loosen it off then stabbing it with a pen. I cant tell my dad about these because then hed probably send me to a phsyco place. I ve had about 3 or 4 second degree burns where I didn’t tell my rents. And I wonder if I didn’t live such an insane childhood would I be the same person I am now.