Frankie Sez...RELAX!

You know at one point in my life, I was open to many suggestions. Most of us have had these periods when something we normally wouldn't try seems exciting...

Drink this...

Eat that...

Smoke this...

Try one of these...

Drive HOW fast?...

You want me to date who?....

Thankfully we survive most of these things and we live to discuss them and warn future generations of the dangers of attempting these things. Then they go off and do whatever the hell they want anyway.

I've always had a way of finding myself in whacked out situations on the spur of the moment. Generally what would start out as a day planned for some peace and quiet gets turned on its ear.

1984...(I think)

It started as a typical 20 year old's Friday night of corousing and revelry with a friend. No big deal, just out getting hammered, but with a twist that we all have been thru. I had to be at work at my 2nd job as a clerk in a convenience store at 7 am.

No problem, we can handle this. I'd been to college and been up all night.

Actually I wound up early to work. By 5:30 am I was still intoxicated and hadn't gone to bed yet. There was no point in trying to get any sleep. So I just drove my car right to work, figuring I could devour enough coffee, snacks and breath mints to sober up in time to open the store at 7.

I open the door of the store and it stinks of crap...*Ooh blame it on Midnight*

Midnight the black cat who lived in the store had just let one loose in his litterbox. Well that seemed to bring my head around. I was now at least semi-functional to try to get thru this day.

The morning kind of dragged by but by noon I figured I'd go home at 3, take a nap for a few hours, get a pizza and take it easy for the night. Something would disrupt this cozy plan.

This chick named Julie comes in with her kid. I get a queezy feeling because I remembered I promised to go over her house around the corner that day and meet her husband and hang with her friend Bonnie.

Julie who was about 25 had been in there quite a bit with Bonnie in tow. She and I would talk while Bonnie, a very quiet and kinda cute young girl of about 17 or 18 would stare at me a lot and laugh even if I wasn't funny. It was clear a crush was in the works and Julie wanted to nurture this.

"Remember you said you'd come over after work today? We're ordering food and Frankie (her husband) is all excited to meet you. Bonnie has been spending the morning deciding what she's gonna wear."

I didn't want to tell her I had been out all night drinking and hadn't been to bed yet because she knew my boss there too. However I had put off this day a few times and didn't want Bonnie to think I was completely disinterested. 

As 3 o'clock approached, I was getting more and more tired. But I drove around the corner to these people's apartment where I am immediately met by Julie's husband, a Puerto Rican fellow named Francisco...

Frankie introduces himself and his English isn't real good. He is about 5 feet nothing and maybe 110 lbs and all scraggly. He right away tells me he is "On dat Worker Comp" like its a badge of honor for him. He looked pretty healthy for the most part and that he was clearly soaking that for all it was worth.

We walk upstairs together and he tells me, "Go see Bons man, she like you." I assumed he was talking about Bonnie. We get into the apartment which doesn't smell real good, met by Julie and Bonnie wearing a carefully selected pair of jeans and some sinus torturing perfume.

Julie had ordered food and Frankie hands me just what I need...a beer. Frankie kept talking away, but I wasn't sure what the hell he was saying. Bonnie sat next to me not saying anything and Julie just kept laughing at Frankie like he must have been telling a joke or a funny story.

The food arrives and while Julie goes and pays,  Frankie takes me out to the porch and starts telling me he has 5 or 6 other women on the side and what a player he is. I know this guy like 10 minutes and he's telling me his life story, from what I can understand.

We go back inside and start eating and drinking more when Frankie comes out with a large pill bottle. He gets a big smile on his face and Julie laughs and says, "Oh boy, here he goes. He's proud of these things." I look at him and asked, "What are they?"

"Relax." he says, "You know, relax."

"Muscle relaxers." Julie smiles and says, "He got them from the doctor the other day, he is thrilled with them."

Frankie takes one and then hands me one and says, "Go ahead, relax man!"

Game for anything, I ingest the pill and rinse it down with a Bud. We keep eating and talking with no real result from this pill. A few minutes go by and I decide to increase my stupidity.

"Hey" I mention to Frankie, "That pill didn't do anything for me."

He smiles and says, "Oh man, you no know! 'Ere, hab anodder one. Relax!"

I take a 2nd muscle relaxer in about 15 minutes. Before you know it, the first one kicks in. The fatigue from the night before and the effect of the pill was now encompassing my entire body. Not knowing what this thing does to you probably made it worse. It was this frightening effect that the room began to wobble and your body couldn't do anything about it.

Before you know it, my entire body stops working and all I want to do is sleep.

Bonnie, on the other hand had other ideas. It was like a switch in this quiet unassuming girl was flicked on that turned her into a wild vixen!

Normally I wouldn't have minded this but there was no way to enjoy it! My entire self had abandoned me and all I wanted to do was lay down. I asked Julie if there was a place I could lay down and Julie begrugingly let me lay down in the bedroom. Bonnie gets a little pissed off and stomps off in the other room.

I slept there about an hour and still felt awful but then Frankie comes in and says, "Ay...what da matta wichu? How come you no like Bons?"

I don't know how to tell the guy the way he could understand but I told him the pills were making me messed up and it had nothing to do with Bonnie.

"I dunno, I take 'em, I like 'em. I hab no prawlem wit dem." he told me.

A little while later Julie comes in and says, "Bonnie wants to know why you're mad at her."

I tried to tell her thru my stupor, "Its got nothing to do with Bonnie, those pills made messed up."

"Frankie takes them, he thinks they're the greatest! If you didn't like Bonnie all you had to do was say you didn't want to come over."

Seeing this was going no where and knowing staying the night would be uncomfortable, I decided to try to drive home. As I walked out the door, Bonnie is sitting in the living room crying and Julie says good bye to me.

I have all to do to make my way downstairs and to my car and remember how to start it. Its not quite dark outside yet, but its thinking about it. I make my way to the highway and remember getting on and exiting Downtown New Haven. That's it!

I recall going into my bedroom and going to sleep at 6:45 pm. I woke up the next morning at 10 am with no other effects or hangover.

I was amazed to find my car in its parking spot, parked well I might add.

I go back to the convenience store the next afternoon to go to work and by now I'm on everyone's shit list. My boss sitting there petting Midnight says to me, "How come you pissed off that nice girl Bonnie who likes you?"

I tried to explain what happened to me to him and he kept the mantra up..."If you didn't like her, you should've just said you didn't want to go over there."

Frustrated with this entire mess I tried to let it go when Julie arrived later in the day, "I'M MAD AT YOU!" she starts to yell, "YOU HURT MY FRIEND'S FEELINGS!"

I tried to tell her that those muscle relaxers and the fact I had been out the whole night before were the reason they didn't hit me well.

"Well why didn't you just tell me you were tired? We could've picked another day!" Now knowing this, I figured she would tell Frankie and Bonnie what happened, but no such luck.

A little while later Frankie comes over to the store and starts to lecture me in some language.

"Daybbie (Davey). I gib you dooze pills so you culd relax man! All I wanned for you wahz to relax an enjoy my home. Dere wahz no reason to go to da udder room, all mad at ebbery buddy cuz you no like Bons. What da madda witchu? I taught you my frend, I tell you bout all da babes I got... no tell Julie ebber ok? I gib you pill to relax, I gib you food an cervezas. We gib you ow frend Bons, she wanna take care ob you, I jus no know wahz rong witchu?"

Julie then didn't come in for days and then when she did, she didn't have Bonnie in tow anymore. I asked her where she was and she calmly told me the 7 words I've heard many times before "She never wants to see you again."

Bonnie did come back one day a few weeks later by herself, said hello and bought a few things.

Then she was ready to really talk. She did mention in the only real conversation I ever had with her that she was sick of them. Frankie was always hitting on her and Julie was trying to get Bonnie to take care of the kid all the time and clean her house while she just did what she wanted to do.

Finally I told her that the pills were the reason why that day went haywire.

"I know" she replied, "A week or two later Frankie gave me one and I was a mess afterward. He handed me the pill and told me, 'Relax Bons'."

I laughed at her recalling that horrible weekend..

"Then he tried to jump me!" she said, "I went home and slept for about a day!"

Somehow, I knew what she went thru...

Hey..sometimes we all need to just Relax!

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