i'm sorry jahala

My little girl turns 9 years old soon ,
it saddens me to think of the years i wasted with a tube.
the night she was born, i remember well,
i loved the meds they gave me.. the pain, i never felt.
yet, i love her so much i cannot express,
the guilt and the shame piled on my chest.
ya see when she was small,
i used drugs.. through it all.
i missed her steps, first words,
"i'm proud of you" is something seldom heard.
i've been sober 5 whole months i can say,
one day at a time i hope to take her pain away.
she used to have to take care of me
i tell her i'm better but she cant see
i could have lost her, and her brothers,
but i was fortunate unlike many others.
but for the grace of God i am here
but it could be gone with just one beer
so i'll keep comming everyday
i'll also ask God to take the obsession away