Chapter 4ish

            Before Liz got out of the car in the hospital parking lot she took her head in her hands and cried. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Not now. Not with everything else that she had to deal with. She refused to cry in front of her parents. She didn’t want to give them anymore of an excuse to believe that Tyler wasn’t the one for her. And she didn’t want to cry in front of Tyler either in case she got to see him today. So she sat in her car and sobbed until she was exhausted and had no more tears left. Then she ran some powder over her face and walked into the hospital. She wasn’t sure where Tyler would be since he was probably moved upstairs by then so she decided to go to the general information desk and inquire. As soon as she got to the desk she heard a large group parade in behind her. They were all talking at once and it was so loud it made people turn around and stare. Liz knew before she saw them that is was Robin’s family. She turned and saw Grandpa Sal and Grandma Deena first.
         “Oh Liz! What’s going on? Where’s Tyler? What has the doctor said? Have you been into see him? How is he?”
         “I’m not sure yet. I just got back here and I was about to find out where he is now. They were supposed to move him upstairs last night”.
         “Well let’s find out. Robin didn’t give me any information on the phone. I can’t believe Tyler’s been lying in a hospital bed for two days and I’m just finding out now. I got the call from Robin and I just couldn’t believe it! I yelled to Sal to get on the phone and Robin had to start all over and explain things and then we had to call Rachel and Randy and Rosalyn because Robin just couldn’t handle all those phone calls and…” Grandma Deena always talked a million miles a minute. You could barely get a word in except when she was subdued and in a relaxed state thanks to the occasional glass of wine. It was always a party with Grandma Deena. At Christmas time she set up a karaoke machine and the entire family would get up and sing songs all night long. Sometimes solos, sometimes group numbers. It was never boring with Grandma Deena around. She was the rock of the family. Even now, with chaos and turmoil all around, she didn’t shed a tear and she was in complete control of her emotions. The rest of the family however looked like a herd of deer standing in the middle of the street with a semi barreling towards them. Grandma Deena turned to address the family and Liz turned to talk to the representative at the general information desk. The girl was staring at the family with a dumbfounded look on her face. She’d never seen such a spectacle in all her life! Liz just smiled. She was used to the Vasquez’s loud and exaggerated behavior. It was such a nice change from her small, stuffy family.
         “I’m looking for Tyler Denny’s room. He was in the ER yesterday but was supposed to be moved sometime last night”.
         “He’s up in Intensive Care. Only family is allowed there though. Is this all family?”
         Liz hesitated for a moment. She didn’t know how to answer that. There was no way she was going to let them keep her from seeing Tyler but she was also the worst liar ever, even to strangers.
         “Of course we’re all family. Don’t you see the resemblance?” Grandma Deena to the rescue. The representative looked around at all the family members and raised her eyebrows. There stood a light skinned man with a black wife and his 5 children, one black, 2 mexican, and 2 white. The grandparents, presumably, one unmistakably Mexican with a white wife. And two other women with 3 children. Liz turned to look at the family. Though they were all related, they couldn’t look more different. Randy, the only boy, had married Danni who was black and had a child from a previous relationship. They had 2 children that looked very Hispanic, and then 2 more that looked as white as snow. It was very odd to an outsider, but not to Liz. She understood this family better than her own. Rachel and Rosalyn were both unmarried, one divorced, one widowed and divorced. Rosalyn had a daughter, Sandra, and Rachel had two daughters, Denise and Chelsea, each from separate marriages. Clearly this was too much for the rep to take in and certainly too complicated a family to argue with. She wrote the room # down and just pointed to the elevator. Words escaped her or she would have been more descriptive with the directions. The hospital was confusing but with all the people they’d surely find their way eventually. If not that crazy motor-mouth woman would stop someone and ask them. She could picture her wandering into some poor patient’s room to ask for more information. She didn’t get paid enough to deal with these crazy people!
         Liz and the family piled into the elevator barely able to fit and definitely not able to move. They miraculously found the correct floor on the first try and stumbled out of the elevator to find Tyler’s room. It was so quiet on that floor. There wasn’t the hustle and bustle about like in the ER. Liz could sense the sickness and feel the magnitude of what was going on. As they passed rooms she could see through the small windows people encompassed with tubes and machines. She hoped Tyler wasn’t that bad.
         They found the ICU waiting room at the end of the hall. Only Robin and Val were in there. Liz was relieved there weren’t any other people waiting in there. The family was certainly overwhelming when they were all together. The booming voices all spoke at once and Liz waited in the corner for them to take a breather and finally let Robin or Val speak.
         “There isn’t much to report. Tyler was moved up here late last night and we still aren’t able to see him. They’re worried about infection so he’s not able to have visitors until he’s more stable.”
         The incessant speaking started again but Liz couldn’t hear it. She saw their lips moving but the room around her was silent. She sat down in the nearest chair and just stared. No visitors. Infection. This was not good. This was really bad. Her mom was right. He was never going to wake up. Tyler’s youngest niece Chelsea walked up to Liz and raised her arms.
         “Up. Up!” Liz bent to pick up the child and held her on her lap. It couldn’t be. He had to wake up. He was going to wake up.
         The family stayed and seemed to calm down a little bit. Some walked down to the cafeteria, others left to put the kids down for naps. When there were only a few left, Val walked over to Liz, still sitting in the same seat in the corner as when she had walked in hours ago.
         “You haven’t said much. How are you holding up dear?”
         “I just want to see him. I’m so frustrated that I can’t see him and that we have hardly any information? Is he brain dead, is he barely holding on or is he going to pull through? Why can’t they answer us?” She was on her feet. “I don’t understand how the doctors can leave us completely in the dark. They haven’t told us anything! How are we supposed to go on not knowing what’s happening?” She was yelling but she didn’t care. It was time for the breakdown she knew she needed. She had been trying to be strong and optimistic but now she was scared, not only for herself and her future, but the future of her child and how this accident was going to affect his or her life.
         Robin walked over to her. “You have got to hold it together Liz. Tyler is going to make it and he’s going to wake up and want to see you and there’s no way I’m going to let you walk in that room and see him if you’re falling apart and thinking the worst! Now get a grip!”
         Liz knew Robin was right and she also knew that Robin didn’t believe a word of what she had just said but if Tyler’s mom could keep it together then she knew she had to also. Tyler was Robin’s pride and joy. She was so young when she had him and they had been through so much together that they had a special connection no one else could really understand. Liz knew that Robin must have been dying inside, with all the same worries and fears that Liz had, and yet she was trying to be strong and support Liz.
         Liz decided to leave and come back later. She couldn’t be there anymore and if she couldn’t see Tyler anyways she might as well get out and get some air and try to think for a while. She had to come up with some sort of plan. She wasn’t good without direction. She had everything planned in life ahead of time, she wasn’t good with change. Up until just a week ago everything was in perfect order. Then everything changed all at once. She didn’t know how to handle that, but she knew she had to keep things together for the Denny family, and also for the baby that was growing inside her.
         She decided to drive down to the lake where she and Tyler always went. She got a blanket out of her trunk she always kept in there and sat by the water watching the ducks. There was a playground behind her and she could hear the laughter of little children and the bouncing of a basketball. Someday she knew she’d take her own child to this playground and they would feed the ducks like she and Tyler used to do. She hoped Tyler would be there to share that with them.
         When she got back to the hospital there was a nurse she hadn’t seen when she was there earlier at the nurse’s station. Liz smiled a small smile to acknowledge her and proceeded to the waiting area.
         “Excuse me, Miss? Only family members are allowed up here. Are you a family member of someone on this floor?”
         Oh great, the family member question again. She looked around hoping to find Grandma Deena to come to her rescue again.
         “Well, yes and no. You see I’m really close with the Denny family. Tyler Denny, he’s on this floor and I was with his family when they got the call about his accident and so we all drove to the hospital together and…”
         “I’m sorry Miss, if you’re not family I can’t allow you to be up here. You need to leave.”
         “Please, you can’t ask me to leave. I love him. Tyler, I love him and he needs me and when he wakes up I need to be here.” The tears were streaming down her face. Her words were getting louder and she could feel knots in her stomach. What would she do if she couldn’t be up here? What if she could never see Tyler again? She started to sob and ran down the hall. She could still hear the nurse continuing to explain that only family members were allowed on the floor. She got to her car and fumbled with the keys. She started to feel dizzy and her stomach was cramping up. Something wasn’t right. She got in the car and started towards home. The cramping was getting worse and she felt a wetness between her legs.
         “Oh my god, I’m bleeding!” she said outloud.
She knew it had to be the baby. She couldn’t lose the baby too. Not Tyler and the baby. Why was this happening to her? She hadn’t even seen a doctor yet, she’d just found out she was pregnant only a few weeks ago. She knew she needed to go in for prenatal vitamins and to find out her due date but she hadn’t wanted to schedule anything with a doctor yet because she was on her parents insurance. She didn’t want them getting medical bills until they knew she was pregnant. She wasn’t sure yet how she was going to pay for having a baby. That was part of the conversation she was supposed to be having with Tyler the night of the accident. She remembered there was a Planned Parenthood on her way home and decided that was her only option if she wanted to try and keep her parents out of the loop still. She was glad it was only a few minutes away because the dizzy feeling was getting worse. She knew she shouldn’t have been driving but she had no other choice at this point. When she got to Planned Parenthood and explained that she was bleeding and that she was pregnant she barely knew what was happening around her. Everything was blurry and there were people talking over one another and whirling around her. She wished Tyler was with her. She didn’t want to be alone. But no one knew about the baby. She’d have to face whatever was to come all alone.