Feminism a la Freestyle

Throughout history,
Most cultures and societies have classified woman as a substandard creature,
Second to man and only a step above beast,
Blamed for planting the seeds of evil,
Good for nothing more than homemaking and procreation.

After millennia of persecution for Eve’s temptation, Pandora’s curiosity, Helen’s lustful ways, we are no longer nailed upside down to any cross,
(Remember that we would not have been considered worthy to be nailed sunny side up).
We will never again be forced to hide our true colors under veils, under pleasantries, or lead-based paint.

Vive la resistance!
Should we feel the urge, we are free to stride about in trousers
Or wear a skirt to feel the breeze between our knees,
We are free to marry whom we wish
(As long as he’s got the approval of our girlfriends),
We are free to vote for the future presidents of our great country,
Though nowadays there seems to be no one running worth the effort.

Mankind has released its grip on the outdated beliefs of their forefathers.
And like the Allies at the end of World War Numero Uno, we’ll be saddling Germany with the bill.
But don’t worry too much, Boys- after this we’ll one, we’ll do it Dutch.

Throughout history,
Most cultures and societies have classified woman as a substandard creature,
Second to man and only a step above beast.

Welcome to the New World.