Outsider View of Anna Nicole's Death

Memorandum**

To: The Planet Earth
From: [unpronounceable], an Alien race
RE: The Death of Your Ruler/ Queen/ Empress/ Governing Warrior

Dear Earth-People:

As you may or may not already know, we've been monitoring all broadcast signals from your planet since your people began polluting radio, television, and most recently, high-speed internet waves with your inescapable presence.  Mostly, the intercepted broadcasts were used to pass the time while we used our inter-dimensional portals designed for expelling waste from our near-perfect organic forms.

But recently, with your many, ever-escalating wars in full swing, we've been paying particular attention to your 24-hour news channels.  Thus, judging by the amount of coverage devoted to the death of one mortal, the one called Anna Nicole Smith, so much so that it has eclipsed coverage on most days of people sacrificing their lives for ideals and loyalty to their various countries, it has become clear that the first Ruler of your young planet has finally died.

It was hard for us, as a disconnected race, to delineate among the many presidents, prime ministers, kings and queens, etc., of your various human factions and decide if your planet as a whole had chosen a sovereign Ruler of the human race.  Now we know that it is the one called Anna Nicole, and that she was a much beloved Ruler indeed.

To devote so much time and discussion to this woman in death, it stands to reason that in life she must have been the best example Earth had to offer concerning morals, good deeds, purity, and piety.  Weeks upon weeks of non-stop coverage concerning where her body, surely a sacred object of your race as a whole, would be laid to rest informs us, a silently observing species, of nothing less.

We applaud your devotion to this Holy Woman and extend our deepest sympathy to your grieving planet.  Being a race with a collective, or Hive Mind, it is hard for us to truly understand a single individual doing so much good for our race, as this Smith surely has for yours, to warrant so much scrutiny.

We also wish the best of luck to the one called Bobby Trendy who, with almost as much air time as the deceased Ruler and double the fashion sense, must surely be next in line for the position of Earth Ruler.

Sincerely,

[Unpronounceable]

**memo translated in its entirety automatically upon arrival