ANIMAL CRACKERS

PLEASE READ, RATE AND REVIEW!

This is my edited second, third, fourth, etc. draft (hopefully close to my final draft) of Animal Crackers. I have been fortunate enough to get reviews on my first draft of this story that included criticism and advice. PLEASE read both versions of Animal Crackers and let me know which you like best and why.
"In Grandma's Belly (Revised)" 
Thank you so much, in advance, for your time and help.
Sincerely,
Fancy

ANIMAL CRACKERS

Word Count: 538
Last Edit: 03-15-2007
still in the editing process...

Velma just finished watching her favorite animal channel program.  As she turned off the television she could hear singing coming from downstairs.


“Wake up, little Velma, wake up,” Velma’s mom sang.  “Wake up, little Velma, wake up.”


Velma ran downstairs and climbed onto the couch next to Mom.  She snuggled up to her mom and put her head on Mom’s tummy.


Mom loved to eat animal crackers with her morning coffee.  She opened a box and popped one in her mouth.  Velma heard a loud noise coming from Mom's stomach.


“Mom, I can hear bees in your belly.”

“Really, Sweetie? What do you hear?”

“I hear angry bees. They sound like they’re fighting,” Velma said.


Mom and Velma pictured the bees wearing tiny boxing gloves.  Mom giggled at the thought of bees in her belly.


Mom put another animal cracker in her mouth.  Velma laid her head back onto Mom’s stomach.


“Mom, I can hear a lion in your belly,”

“Really, Sweetie? What do you hear?”

“I hear a ferocious lion.  It sounds like it’s roaring,” Velma said.

Mom and Velma pictured the lion rumbling around Mom’s stomach.


Mom ate another animal cracker.  Velma was really enjoying the game they were playing.

“Mom, I can hear seals in your belly.”

“Really, Sweetie? What do you hear?”

“I hear clapping seals. They sound like they’re barking too,” Velma said.

Mom and Velma pictured seals yapping like a pack of dogs.


Mom placed two more animal crackers in her mouth.

“Mom, I can hear an elephant in your belly.”

“Really, Sweetie? What do you hear?”

“I hear a booming elephant. It sounds like it’s blowing a horn,” Velma said.

Mom and Velma pictured the elephant blowing on a trumpet.

Mom was having fun imagining the animals in her tummy.


Mom ate another cracker.  Velma wondered what kind of animal cracker it was.  Were the animal crackers coming to life in her mother’s tummy?

“Mom, I can hear a bear in your belly.”

“Really, Sweetie? What do you hear?”

“I hear a grumbly bear.  It sounds like it’s growling,” Velma said.

Mom and Velma pictured the bear chomping its teeth.


Velma listened as her mother ate another animal cracker.

“Mom, I can hear hyenas in your belly.”

“Really, Sweetie? What do you hear?”

“I hear laughing hyenas.  They sound like giggling kids,” Velma said.

Mom and Velma pictured the hyenas holding their bellies laughing.


Mom put a handful of animal crackers in her mouth.  Velma listened closely.  All she could hear was Mom chewing.  Then there was nothing.  Velma couldn’t hear anything.  No angry bees.  No musical elephants.  No laughing hyenas.  Nothing.

“Mom, I can’t hear anything in your belly.”

Mom said, “That’s because my tummy is full. I’m not hungry anymore, Sweetie.”

“Now we can’t play the game anymore,” Velma said.  “It was fun picturing those animals in your belly.”

“I have an idea.  We can play again tomorrow morning.  Same time?  Same place?” Mom asked.

“Sure Mom, that’s a great idea,” Velma said as she hopped off the couch.  “I can’t wait.”


Velma and Mom headed for the kitchen.

“What would you like for breakfast?” Mom asked.

Velma answered with a smile on her face, “Animal Crackers, of course”.