Diary of a Cheater- Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Jessica All Over Again

         After me and Alicia broke up I went to talk to Jessica again. That was one childhood friend that I did not want to loose. Driving around town one day I saw her mother’s car at her grandmother’s house and decided to stop by and try to talk to her.
         I knocked on the door. Waited. Knocked again. It took them 5 minutes to hear my knocking or else they saw it was me and just ignored it. When they finally answered the door and invited me in I saw everyone give me the evil eye. You know? That eye people give you to tell you that they hate you. I could feel their stares burning in my skull. I knew that I had been wrong before but I wanted to try to rectify the situation. I wanted them to think of me as a good man.
         Jessica came outside with me and we talked for a little while. I asked her how she had been doing. “Fine.” She said. She really didn’t seem to want to talk to me. So I would have to forgo the small talk and just jump right to the point.
         “Jessica,” I said. “There has never been a point in my life where I wish that I could go back and change the way things were. I never wanted to be a bad man. I always wanted your love and wanted to show you how great things could be. There have been some really bad things happen to us and I know that changes people. I know that you are resentful at me for the things I have said and done in the past, but do you believe that people can change? That people can realize their mistakes and try to correct them? This past year with you has been hell. I haven’t been able to focus on what I really need to do. You always made me want to be a better man.”
         She cried after that and we hugged. I told her that we will take things very slow and that I’d just like to hang out with her at first so that she could get to know me all over again. If things went well then maybe we could get back together, but no pressure.
         Jessica and I started to go see movies together again. We went to parks to talk walks and just talk. We sat under the stars and discussed our philosophies on life. We did everything together again. I was happy.
         I told her about Alicia and how I had messed up again and gotten her pregnant. She didn’t seem to care so much about that. Maybe that’s because she knew that she wouldn’t marry me. Maybe somewhere, even when we started our relationship for the second time around, she knew that it wasn’t going to work out.
         
         In July of 1999 Alicia had Taylor, a cute baby that came out with a full set of hair, or so I’m told. She didn’t call me up until two weeks after having her. She wasn’t even planning on telling me. When she did call I felt my heart sink to the bottom of my chest. Part of me wished that part of my life would have just gone away. I wished it had never happened. But I had to take responsibilities for my actions.
         I went to her father’s house to see the baby. I held her in my arms. There was no doubt that she was mine. She had fiery red hair just like me when I was a baby. I knew that this child was part of me. There is something to be said when you hold a child of your own in your arms for the first time. It seems as if time stands still and that nothing in this world matters expect for that moment. I felt very happy and thought that I could do this. I could manage this. I’m capable to taking care of this child, continuing school, working, and holding down my relationship with Jessica. I knew that all it would take is a bit of self-confidence on my part.
         Little did I know really how bad Alicia really was. After seeing Taylor I worked the next few weeks everyday and couldn’t get down to see her. I called Alicia up and told her that I wouldn’t be there for a few weeks. She said fine. The next time I called her and asked if it was alright if I come down and see Taylor she hung the phone up on me. I was a bit shocked. I tried to call back, maybe the line cut off, but her phone was busy. A few minutes later I received a phone call from her father telling me that he was going to call the police and that if I ever tried to take Taylor away from Alicia again I would regret it with me life.
         Now wait! What? Where the hell did that come from? Why the hell did he say that? I tried to call Alicia back many times but they refused to answer my phone call. It wasn’t until I got a subpoena to appear in court that I figured it out.
         Sitting there in court looking at the judge I knew that I wasn’t going to win this. I knew that there was no way I could ever get him to listen to my point. He just kept looking at the file and looking back at me as if I were trying to kill Alicia.
         “Son, why in the hell would you try to take a baby away from her mother?” the judge asked me.
         “I didn’t try to take her away. This is all a misunderstanding. I never said those things.” I replied a little teary eyed.
         “Do you need to see Alicia?”
         “Yes, I need to be able to see my child.”
         “That’s for another case. You are herby ordered to keep at least 200 ft away from Alicia. If you two are in the same place, you must leave.”
         “What about my child?”
         “That’s not my problem.”

         That was it. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere near Alicia. I didn’t have the money to pay for a lawyer to be able to get visitation rights to see my child. I visited a few to see if anyone could help me. I tried to call Alicia’s father to talk things through with him. No one would help me. There was nothing I could do. Until one day I had found out that she had moved away. No one knew where she was. There wasn’t even any sense in trying now. I was heartbroken. I thought I would never see Taylor again.