Emily

Brian was terribly somber. I met him when I was 18, he was 21. I sat next to him in a class, and he never said much. I liked his crystal blue eyes, his messy brown hair, his subtle dimples that I'm sure only I noticed. He always made it to class before me, no matter how early I left.

I spent months next to Brian. Months of small conversations about nothing of consequence. "Nice t-shirt." "Thanks." "It's cold outside." "You bet." Part of Brian seemed empty, but I couldn't tell why. He reminded me of someone who used to have a fire in his eyes. Maybe it was the fire that burned him.

I don't know why I was so intrigued by him. I wasn't interested in dating him. I just wanted to know about his past. I could see the history weighing through his young face, like there was forty imaginary years of baggage embedded in his 21 year old frame. And he always wore the same blue hoodie. I wondered what that was about, too.

One night Brian stopped by my house for no apparent reason. He sat in my favorite blue chair and looked somber as usual. He looked at me, hands folded, and said one word. "Emily." I turned my head to one side, non-verbally begging him to tell me more. He knew I was curious. He knew I would listen.

"Okay, I met her in high school. We were both 15 and liked each other so much. We dated each other all through high school. I loved her, I guess. I mean, yeah I loved her, whatever that is. She loved me too. But we were so young, you know, being in high school and didn't really have our shit figured out and she ended up breaking up with me after we graduated. I still think it was one of those impulse things, or I don't know.She ended up going to school up in Portland, and I ended up going here. So it wouldn't have worked out anyway I don't think. I went up to Oregon one weekend and I wanted to surprise her. I found her dorm room, I knocked a couple of times. No answer. The door was open so I went in. I surprised her....and my brother. They were sitting watching a movie. He had his arm around her, she had her hands on his leg. They were, a couple. My whole family knew about it and never told me anything. I told them all to fuck off after that and I haven't seen any of them since. They've tried to call and write and all of that, but I don't care too much. I'm ok with not having a family. I heard that Emily and Steve... Steve, he's my brother she uh, you know is with now, I heard that they are getting married this summer.I don't think I am going to go, I mean, I don't know why I would. I guess I get pissed at how I was supposed to be ok with all of this. All of a sudden my girlfriend dumps me because she had been seeing my brother on the side the whole time and I'm supposed to be ok with it? It's not like that. Everyone I trusted just dumped on me, and I'm supposed be ok with it?"

Brian looked toward the ground, and the crystal of his blue eyes shattered. I saw a tear fall from his cheek, he wiped it away quickly. I know I wasn't supposed to see it.

I didn't know what to say. A trite effort. "No, Brian, you're not supposed to just be okay with it. No one would be." I think I was the first person who ever told him it was okay to be pissed off. After all, his brother stole his girlfriend. And his whole family knew about it. His emotions were just some game of Monopoly his family played for years and never had the morality to tell him. His life was on display and he never even knew it.

After he finished examining my floor he looked up at me and smiled. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. He shook his head like he was trying to forget it all. He put his blue hoodie hood up and walked out my door. All I heard him say was "See ya in class tomorrow."

The next morning in class Brian was late, for the first time ever.