The girl on the train

Why do we always fear of something? When is the last time we spoke out of heart? When is the last time we acted without the fear of getting embarrassed? Why do we need to 'behave ourselves' in public at all? What is this complexity in mind that makes us act foolish sometimes, even after we know that it is foolish to act so? What if we happen to see a person who does not know what such inhibitions are?

That evening is just like any other busy weekday evenings involving a flurry of activity - rushing to complete the work, worrying about  making the timings of shuttles and trains, waiting patiently for my train to arrive and again waiting patiently for my destination after I get on the train. Meanwhile wondering about all the I-should-have-done-like-this, I-wish-that-were-true, goals-of-life and cursing myself for plans not followed. After another patient wait, the train came. I rushed into the train along with other people and all of them managed to get a seat except one.

She is a girl, in the 18-21 age range, with not so groomed hair, thick glasses and labored along with her hand bag and suitcase. As the train started to move, she put her things together and stood there on the aisle, holding onto one of the seat handles. As the next stop is announced on the public address system, she realized that the got on the wrong train, turned to passengers around her and asked them in a stuttering manner - 'whatt train is th this? Where ddoes this go? I think I got .. on the wrong train'.  From her movements and manner of speaking, it doesn't take take a while to understand that she is a disabled person. As the ticket collector came by, she asked for a ticket and its price without any inhibitions. She shot back at the TC that it is only $7.50 a round trip for a disabled person. She placed her handbag at her feet and bent over every time she has to get something from or put something in it. She took her time with the TC doing everything in detail, whatever we rush to do in a flash.  After she is done buying the ticket from the TC, she bent over again to get to her handbag, opened it, put the tickets inside and retrieved her cell phone - step by step, doing one thing after another, without any hurry. She called her parents on the cell phone  and left a  voice message that she got on the wrong train and so will come home at a different time.

All the while, she spoke so fearless and loud that everyone in the coach heard her. It is the way one talks fearless and without any inhibitions in mind. Sure the girl did stutter but that is merely because of physical disability rather than mental. She knows that she is disabled, but so disabled that she doesn't really feel the disability. That made her talk and act without any inhibitions. Her tone reflected her personality.

Most of us, though physically alright are tied down by mental inhibitions. Meaningless inhibitions pull us away from being what we really are. They make us act in the public. They don't let the real self come out.

The words Free-Your-Mind now make lot more sense to me.