The roadtrip (incomplete)

  She took a roadtrip, knew it was a stupid idea but had to get out and about. She was losing her mind. It had been a very long and rough road that seemed to just turn circles over and over. Catch 22's had become her life. One thing blocked another until there was just no finding an answer.

  She sat at her computer for so long she had began to feel there was no other world, her world had become fantasies created in her mind. Her only reality.  She had no idea where she was going or what she really was wanting. She just needed an adventure, but was the grass really greener on the other side?

  She left with a heart full of hope everything could and would eventually work out.  Three days of driving only stopping to get gas. Eyes wide open, she couldn't sleep no matter what she did. Fear had set in her heart so strong, her hands shook, her legs hurt. She knew she should stop and take a walk. There too her right, a sign for a park. She had made it to Kentucky. The hills and landscape around her were beautiful. The trees were just beginning to bud, but the grass was green as far as the eye could see. She was just searching for peace of mind in her heart it seemed it was no where to be found.

Why was it so hard to break these chains of love that bound her heart, and held her down. She got out of the car and began to walk across the lovely ground, to the edge of the lake shore she wandered that way. She leaned back against a beautiful tree in full bloom. She wished she had her tree book so she could identify it. Instead she sat and looked up at the sky. The clouds blew gently across the blue back ground. She closed her eyes and began to pray. She prayed for peace just like the peacefulness here in this beautiful park. It had been so long since she had felt inner peace she no longer knew what it felt like.

  Suddenly she jerked wide awake. Very aware something around her wasn't quit right. She looked all around, left to right and back again. She held a hand up  to her forehead to shield the bright sun light hoping to see farther out across the water. Noone was in sight. No vehicles in the parking lot but her own. She began to settle back and close her eyes once again. One last gaze across the lake, in a glance her eyes picked out a small orange dot out about ten yards from the shore. Almost directly in front of her. She shook her head, it had to be her imagination. She was so tired she knew she could be seeing things. Something inside of her told her not to to ignore it. It clawed at her mind to inspect that orange floating out there.

  She was suddenly on her feet running to the waters edge keeping her eyes focused on that dot calmly floating.The whole time she ran, thinking she had finally lost her mind, it couldn't be! She hit the water diving in at a dead run. She swam hard and fast, kicking off her shoes as they seemed to hold her back.  She got closer, just when she thought she had grasped that small orange floating object she engulfed water and went under. She knew then she wasn't imagining what her mind was telling her was a very young child. She fought her way back to the surface. Her jeans were soaked and made it hard to fight her way back to the top. With a final effort off the bottom she kicked she broke the surface. Taking a good deep breath of air, she let out a silent scream, "God help me please!"

  She focused on the orange again. Swam the few feet between her and the child that floated face down. Reaching out she managed to grab a handful of the orange jacket that held the child on the surface. She kicked toward the shore with everything she had left in her. Just as she felt her feet touch bottom she realized there were now two figures standing on the shore only a few feet away. She reached around the small childs chest and heaved the limp body into her arms. Managing to lift her out of the water. The childs head bobbed back across her arm lifeless.  She was crying as she stumbled up to the beach.

  The tall man standing there managed to pry her cold numb hands from the grip on the child as she fell to her knees. She could hear a womans screams, they seemed so very distant. She was glad this man was there because she was choking and spitting up water herself. She knew she was going to pass out, she couldn't help the woman or the child now. Her eyes slowly closed as she saw the man begin to pump on the childs chest. She fought the numbness she wanted to escape to, she couldn't pass out she felt, had get up, had to leave this scene. She had done all she could do.

  She fought to gain footing but the sand below her kept swallowing her back into its softness. All she could do was watch the man as he desperatly tried to get the child to breath. The thick haze in her mind began to settle as the child began to spit up water, the man layed the child across his knee gently patting her back. The screams halted as the darkness overcame, she slipped into the silence.

Part two:{b/}

  She awoke, her eyes bolted open, she sat straight up.  She shook her head from left to right, thinking what a horrible bad dream.  Must just be totally exhausted. She realized she wasn't laying in a bed of warm grass but instead she laid in a very soft warm cozy bed. With the shock of realizing this she let her eyes focus. She began a slow exploration with her eyes from one corner of the room to another as her eyes adjusted to the partial light in the room. The light came from a lantern hung near a door toward the foot of the bed.

  Her eyes settled on a rocking chair to the right of the bed, there sat a feeble old woman. She couldn't have weighed more than a hundred pounds. It looked as though the lady had fallen asleep reading a childs book. Which was still in her hands, limply laying in her lap. She looked slightly familiar but her mind couldn't place why!

  The door suddenly popped open and a tall elegant looking man stepped into the light of the lantern. He held a tray with a bowl upon it, the bowl had steam rising from it. The scent of chicken soup wafted through the air. Her stomach rumbled a loud greeting. The man smiled, she could feel the redness start as it crept over her face. She was blushing and couldn't stop it from happening as he stood there and stared at the picture before him.

  "Aw, so the angel God sent us awakens!" he announced.

  "I thought you might be hungry by now, so I've brought you some chicken soup."
His voice was as elegant as his looks. His eyes were as blue as the sky with his charcoal black hair cut trim and neat landing just above his eyes. She was trapped in his gaze. His eyes moved downward, he quickly turned away! The movement brought her back. She suddenly realized she was laying there with her chest exposed. She was undressed, she wondered how that had happened. She turned to the old woman as the woman reached over and pulled the quilt up to her chin.

  Neither the woman nor the man spoke. They all sat and stared at each other silently. The silence was thick and scary to her. The man turned and sat the tray across her lap. "Please eat, you need to heat your insides up before you get sick, if you aren't already!" He reached out taking the older womans arm and helping her stand, "There are clothes clean and fresh on the foot of the bed, the shower is through that door. We will be in the kitchen, please come join us when you are comfortable." With that he turned and helped the older woman out the door, shutting the door behind him. Leaving her to wonder!

  She couldn't move. Her brain told her to eat but her hands wouldn't cooperate.They shook so bad she couldn't get any of the soup to her mouth. It splashed on the beautiful quilt. She gave up after the third try. She didn't want to stain the handmade quilt that covered her.

  She couldn't think. Why was she here? Her car, where was her belongings?Last she could remember was a beautiful scene before her, but was that a dream? Oh no, the child, whos? what? why? The questions came to mind so fast one right after another. The spoon in her hand suddenly clattered to the wood floor. The sound shattered the quiet of the room. She stared at the offending object, not sure of anything anymore. The door suddenly creeked open, the older woman peeked her head in, "Child, are you ok?"

  She began to laugh hysterically, she laughed so that she began to hiccup. She couldn't stop even as she tried to control her breathing. She hadn't been called a child in so long, she couldn't remember when she had last heard that! She started choking and couldn't breath, she gasped for air. The woman sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping her small arms around her. She patted her back softly, whispering soothing calm words as she held her. The woman began to hum a tune, so softly yet the words filled her ears. She knew that tune, a tune her mother use to sing to her.

  A picture flashed through her mind, her mother held her in her arms. Singing softly the room filled with hoses and scarey equipment all around her. The beeping of the large machine next to her was drowning out the words she cried, "Daddy, I want my daddy?" over and over the words screamed in her mind.

' Hush little darlin, daddy's gonna buy you a mocking bird. If that bird don't sing, daddys gonna buy you a diamond ring..............'

  She caught her breath, sobbing as she picked up the sweet notes. She gently pulled away from the woman's grasp. "It's alright hon! I understand, lets get some of this soup down you ok! Jerry won't like it if you don't eat some of his famous chicken soup." The old woman fished another spoon out of her apron pocket, and began to spoon soup into her mouth.

  It was delicious, and now she knew the name of the elegant man. What else could she find out from this sweet, kind, elderly lady? She had to be atleast seventy years old. This lady brought a picture of her own grandmother into her mind. It wouldn't suprise her to see her pick up a needle and thread to begin piecing a quilt or a doll together. Her grandmother was always sewing, always by hand never a machine. Even though one of the best sewing machines made sat in her sewing room.

  She wondered where that thought had come from, she missed her grandmother.
She sat there allowing this stranger to spoon feed her as her mind reeled with broken and sparce memories flashing through her mind. Some she recognized others seemed just as strange to her as this woman was. The elderly woman handed her a cup of milk that sat there on the tray. Her hands shook still, she couldn't get the cup to line up with her mouth. The woman gently wrapped her hand around hers steadying it for her as she swallowed what she could.

She began to choke and gag, fearing it was coming back up she hastily pushed the covers aside. The elderly lady grabbed the tray as it would have slid to the floor. She continued to fight the waves of nauseating feelings as the coughing continued. Tears freely flowed down her face in her effort to make it to the bathroom before the contents in her stomach found its way back up. She made it just in time, slowly sliding to the floor as the waves ended. She coughed a few times more as she reached up grabbing a wash cloth laid on the vanity. She wiped her face.

When the coughing and gagging had stopped the elderly lady opened the bathroom door, "Are you ok now dear?"

  "Yeah, guess my stomach had just been empty to long. I am sorry, so sorry!" the tears began again as she looked at the wash cloth in her hand.

  "It's not a problem dear, don't worry so much. It's ok?" the woman replied.

  She looked down at the floor, her mind whirled with the contents of her stomach, she didn't know what to think. She was scared this woman would get sick if she was too close to her. She didn't want to bring sickness and misery to this wonderful home.

  "You have slept three days straight child. You had a coughing fit like that shortly after Jerry helped me get you into the bed. I am afraid you got to much of that cold lake water into your lungs. Poor Jerry thought for sure he was taking a trip to the hospital." she laughed a short laugh.

  "Why would Jerry or you care? I am just a stranger passing through. Why bring a stranger into your home? I don't understand, why am I here? What has happened?" Her body began shaking again uncontrollably. She was getting anxious and every nerve stood on end.

  "Dear, dear girl you don't remember do you? You saved my granddaughters life. You were an angel sent from heaven above. You were there on the banks of the lake for a reason that day it was clear to me!" the woman made a cross across her chest with her hand, and said a short prayer of thanks so softly she thought she imagined it.

  Time stood still as they both sat there both thinking their own thoughts. Suddenly, the stillness around them was broken. The bedroom door was flung open the door hit the wall with a thump. "Granma, Granma!" The small figure came to a screeching halt. Almost loosing her balance as she saw the stranger and her granma through the bathroom door. The little girl wore a white gown with pretty little pink flowers embroidried up and down. The bottom flowed around her freely. Wildflowers were weaved into the braid of blond hair that flowed down her back.The sweetest brightest blue eyes stared at the two of them. Her mouth in a perfect little circle caught in a silent oh!

  "Nadine, don't you be rude now, say hello!" the elderly woman gently chastised.

  "Hello madam, granma ,daddy says the baby is on its way hurry granma its turned wrong daddy needs you right away!" The words poured out of her so fast like she wouldn't remember the words she was told to say.

  The elderly woman pushed her self to a standing position again, "Oh my! Child you get back in bed its too cold on this floor. Nadine, you leave her be! Where is your daddy now? Never mind I know he is out in the barn." Granma set the tray on the table beside the bed as she issued her orders. She was gone as quickly as she had appeared.She had shut the door behind her, seeming to forget Nadine stood there staring at the woman on the floor in front of her.

  "Hello there, what is your name? I know your an angel, granma said so! Is that your name Angel, thats what granma has called you all this time?" She stood staring, she looked like an angel herself to the stranger .

  It took her by suprise she didn't want to laugh but the little girl looked so cute standing there with her hair all bound with the wildflowers, a golden whisp had escaped threatening to hang over her eye. She stood with her hands clasped behind her back rocking back and forth.

  The stranger gathered herself, with little energy she climbed back in bed pulling the quilt back to her chin. She wanted to answer this sweet childs questions but the answers just wouldn't come. How could she explain she couldn't remember her own name?

  Nadine seemed to understand in her childlike way. She picked her granma's book up off the floor. "That's alright, granma get mad at me if I ask too many questions."
She turned toward the door a slight frown had appeared, "Granma fell asleep in the middle of Hanzel and getel again!"

"Do you know Hanzel and Getel?" she turned slightly toward the stranger. "I am sorry, I will leave you alone!" she started walking toward the door as she placed a piece of cloth into the book to mark the page.

  "Don't go Nadine, You aren't bothering me.Why don't you hand me the book, you sit there and I will finish the story from where your grandma left off."

  "Would you do that!" Nadine exclaimed excitedly as she climbed into the rocker. "That would be great, noone has read to me but granma for so long. Daddy never has time anymore!" She opened the book and passed it to the stranger. She seemed scared if she didn't hurry the nice lady would change her mind.

  She smiled to see the little girls keen interest in the book as she read the story of Hanzel and Gretel. A story she herself seemed to have memorized way back in her mind somewhere. She kept looking up at the little girl that sat there so quietly, she tried hard to put the emotions and different tones to her voice as she read. The little girls face expressions made her smile. She so badly wanted to invite her to climb in the bed with her, and hold her dearly close as she read. If only she wasn't so afraid what she carried was contagious. Her mind wandered as she read. Nadine began to close her eyes, then she would pop them open startled, her eyes would slowly close again. She seemed scared the angel lady would stop reading if she thought she was falling asleep. She kept reading even after the girls head fell silently to the side. She finished the book with the characteristic, "They all lived happily ever after!" she grinned as she saw the child was asleep.

She grabbed the quilt on top and slowly leaned over wrapping the child so she wouldn't get cold.

  Time slowed as she sat there watching Nadine sleep. Suddenly a man's voice rang out, "Nadine, Nadine, where have you gone!" he didn't sound worried just upset by her disappearance. It sounded like he was searching opening doors, and walking across the rooms. She heard him "Aha!" and step back more than once. The angel lady had to stiffle a laugh as she realized he was playing with his daughter a game of hide and seek. She remembered a quick flash, hiding behind a couch her father doing the same. Her father use to hunt for her the same way when he would come home at night. She believed he always knew where she was hididng for she would always giggle. The little memory brought a tear to her eye. She wanted to call out where his daughter hid by her side.

  Suddenly she began to chant an old rhyme unbidden her mind took over. "Georgie Porgie puddin pie,..." she stumbled on the words as the bedroom door opened quietly.

Jerry popped his head in and whispered, "Nadine, you in here?" Just as quickly he saw his daughter sound asleep about the same time he saw the stranger stared at him with a smile on her face.

  She lifted a finger to her lips, "Shhh she fell asleep while I was reading." she held the book up for him to see.

  Her dark green eyes looked to him like they were filled with tears, just then one silently slid down her cheek. Just like rain sliding down a glass window. He was entranced just for a moment. He broke his gaze as he silently stepped over to the rocking chair.

  The angel lady whispered, "Please, no need to wake her, she isn't bothering me!"

  He spoke softly as he sat on the edge of the bed. "So what are the tears for, my angel sleepy head?" He lifted his right hand and silently wiped the tear away that slid down her cheek. He resisted the temptation to follow his hand with his mouth. He dearly wanted to kiss those sweet lips that were slightly parted.

  She jerked backward at his touch. It was instant reaction, she hadn't thought just reacted. He hadn't hurt her she just flinched it was an ingrained reaction to the movement. He stared at her, his expression unreadable. He looked over at his sleeping daughter. He looked questionally back at her. She wondered, did he think she would hurt his daughter?

  "Did she bother you. I know she asks alot of questions.  I am sorry but my mare was in troube this morning. She knows she had to stay out of the barn.  She loves to see the babies but it scares me for her to be there when one of the horses is in trouble or disturbed for any reason." Jerry quietly remarked.

  " Why is that, the miracle of a baby being born would bring her much joy I am sure, Why keep her away?" she quietly asked.

  He looked thoughtful, he looked over his shoulder at his sleeping daughter. He quickly glanced back at her. His gaze settled on her bright green eyes.  Eyes he could swear held deeper secrets than his own.  In that instant he decided he could confide the truth in this woman, she would not judge him by his past mistakes. " It is a long story my lady.Maybe soon I can bring myself to tell it too you, for now well its best left unsaid." He stressed the you, like it would only be for her ears, letting her know he had never confided his fears for his daughter to anyone except maybe his mother.

  "Well I am here and willing to listen, though I probably should get up and get dressed. I would hate to feel your mother had gotten the wrong idea with the door shut and all." She raised an eyebrow as she tipped her head slightly toward him to watch his reaction.

  He laughed briefly, "My mother knows me better, but if you would feel more comfortable why don't I take and carry Nadine to her own room and prepare us a pot of coffee. Mom will be in the barn for awhile yet, the mare needs her attention and the new foal isn't as strong as we would like to see.  I will be in the kitchen when you feel up to joining me I would more than welcome your company." He stood and gently lifted his daughter. He was strong it was evident, he picked her up like she was a small kitten with no effort at all. The child barely stirred in her sleep. She wrapped an arm around her fathers neck and mumbled something about an angel as they left the room.  His quick smile as he glanced over his shoulder back at her told her he wondered about the impressions she was making on his child.

  She knew she had to find some way to remember her name, she couldn't allow the child to continue thinking she was an angel. She was far from an angel she knew that much. That was one thing she definatly knew deep in her heart she was far from the angel this perfect family saw her as.

  The door silently swung shut behind them. She took a deep breath and shoved the covers back. Her legs were tingling and the bed felt empty where he had been sitting. Her curiosity was getting the best of her. She wanted badly to know the secrets this elegant man held so deeply in his heart.The worry for his daughter and her safety. The way his mother worried about him and the daughters happiness all loomed like a large unknown cavern before her. Would she dare to take a step within its midst to see what beauty it contained. Would she once again take heed of her inner mind and run. Somehow she knew she had faced this kind of decission before and it had gone all wrong.

  She gingerly made her way to the bathroom.  As quaint as the bedroom had been she didn't expect the bathroom to be any more than general facilities. She was more than shocked by the site that befell her. She hadn't really looked around when she had ran in such haste before. Now she took the time to take the surroundings in.

  This bathroom had obviously been someones dream bathroom at some point.  She thought she had opened a door to a different world when she stepped into the room gazing about.  The room was as large as the bedroom she had just come from.  Painted in deep greens and browns. The rich warmth of earth tones stared at her. The vanity had plants that were a healthy green, vines flowed from the counter top to the ceiling and around the edges of the room. They seemed to travel every where. The vanity itself looked like a natural waterfall falling down a rock wall into a small rock basin. It seemed to flow directly from the wall.  The water ran constant cold and clear.

  She began to notice things even about the stool she hadn't noticed earlier, though she thought she should definatly have noticed the stool looked like an old tree stump had been set against the wall and a ring of green moss covered the top. Smooth and silky, yet it looked so real. The tub sat nest to it with rock bordered platform of stares leading to the edge. Green plants bordered its edges all around. A soft green towel and wash cloth hung from a tree limb pedestal just out of the waters reach. The steam rolling off the small pool made the room seem totally majestic.  She was almost afraid to touch anything, she feared breaking the wonderful spell of this nature brought inside. She half expected to hear the birds sing and a couple deer walk up to the tub for a drink.

  She noticed through the gentle mist the rock steps leading down into the pool (tub). Herbal shampoo and soap that smelled of roses freshly cut laid on the edge in a natural depression in the rock. She gently lowered her body into the depths of the comforting water. The gentle roll of the water over the rocks eased the pounding in her head. She allowed herself to lie back and begin to relax. Enjoying the soothing comfort. When she opened her eyes she realized she was looking up through a glass opening. Way above her the sun shone through and the beautiful blue sky with its white clouds moving slowly above comforted her even more.
 
  Looking around as her body began to relax she wondered had she gone to heaven and not realized it. The carpet was a soft thick pile of green. The towel she wrapped around her as she stepped out smelled heavenly and felt very soft against her skin. She wondered how long she had layed in the water mezmerized by her surroundings. She had lazily washed with the lovely scented bar of soap which made her skin feel baby soft. She had scrubbed her long dark hair with the herbal shampoo. It now laid wettly across her shoulders shining with the reds and browns she had lived with all her life but had never seen it shine like this. The only time she could think of even a slight impression of this type of self beauty from her skin and hair in the past was after a week long escapade at the river.

  That thought brought memories of lots of people, friendly faces, river rafts, canoes, and laughter lots of laughter. She shook her head, pleanty of time to figure those memories out. Now she needed to get dressed and figure out more about this gorgeous man and his darling little girl. Would she be able to fight the ever threatening voice inside her telling her to run. Long enough to figure out who this gentleman was?

  She dressed hurriedly in the faded yellow dress that had been left on the end of the bed for her.  It fit her a little snug around the waist but otherwise seemed to have been sewn just for her.

  She made the bed, plumped the pillows. Folded the top quilt and laid it across the bottom of the bed. She picked the towel up from the floor, hanging it on a hook she found on the outside of the bathroom door so it would dry. She fearfully and slowly opened the bedroom door. Just as she stepped into what seemed to be the living room with deep browns and dark blues, a beautiful rock fireplace that held a crackling fire, Jerry stepped into view.

  Holding a large clay cup out toward her he dipped his head to the side. Inviting her to join him. His eyes never left her eyes. She was self conscious of the fact she had no underthings on and the dress stretched tightly across her breast.  her feet were bare, the floor seemed awful warm for being bare wood.  She catiously walked across to the door he stood holding open.  Watching her feet and consiously keeping her toes pointed straight.  As she came to the adjoining door she raised her eyes to look at him. She was suddenly spiraling downward. A silent scream left her lips as she began to fall.

  With the swiftness of the wind his arms were cradleing her.  The shattering of the cup hitting the floor startled them both, as his arms brought her back to a standing position.

  She stood regaining her equilibrium when she began to cry for the mess she had caused that lay before her. The brown liquid the cup had held slowly flowed across the wood making a puddle on the beautiful wood, clay shards laid all around.

  She instantly knelt beginning to retrieve the pieces of brown clay that had scattered across the floor. The tears now flowed freely down her face. She shook as she silently cried. Not a word was said as he knelt beside her and mopped the coffee with a light rag he had grabbed.

  When she had gathered the pieces in her hand, she sat back on her heels. She stared at him throught the tears, "I am so sorry!" she hoarsly whispered.

  He looked up at her. The fear and pain was clear in her face. It hurt him deeply to think a shattered cup could bring tears to this beautiful angels eyes. As he locked eyes with her once again, he reached over and tipped the pieces of the coffee mug into his large hand. The whole time his gaze never left her emerald green eyes.
No accusations came from his lips, no cruel words thrown at her. No hand came out to smack at her or admonish her for her clumsiness. A silent tear suddenly fell down his cheek as he dumped the pieces back onto the floor and gathered her into his arms. She broke, the tears fell freely as her body shook against his. He stood there holding her as the hard racking sobs escaped her lips. The tears flooding her heart found their escape. She pressed her face hard into his shoulder trying to get control of herself once again.

  He gently patted her back as he rocked slightly back and forth whispering in her ear words she could barely make out.

  "It was not your fault, was only a simple coffee mug.There, there sweet heart nothing to cry over. Please stop your breaking my heart to see your emerald eyes run with tears like this! You did nothing wrong. Why? Why do you cry so hard over a simple mishap. Your legs are weak yet, it is expected. There, there please stop crying. Your too beautiful to be crying like this. I want to see that gorgeous smile of yours angel please!"

  His words enveloped her as her sobs quieted and slowly departed. Exhaustion seemed to take hold as she layed with her head against his shoulder. The sobbing stopped and a gentle peace took over. She slowly settled backward where she could look into his concerned blue eyes.

  "Thats better, you ok now? Lets go over and sit down at the table before mom walks in and wonders how I have managed to make you cry so soon." he stated with a small smile.

  A smile played across her lips as the thought came to mind, she couldn't resist replying to that comment, " I bet your mother has had to comfort many a young broken hearted maidens after you have finished with them over the years!"

  He smiled back at her, jokingly he admonished, "Me , break a young ladies heart never!" He laughed a slight laugh that tinkled like bells across the room. He helped her to a soft comfortable chair by the kitchen table.

  The kitchen was as beautiful as the rest of the house she had seen. Spacious and warm yet inviting. The table a deep mahogany looked handmade, large spindled legs held it sturdly in place. Large enough for a family of six or more she guessed. The chairs carved from the same wood. Intricate leaf designs carved into the backs of each chair no two alike exactly, yet they all followed the same pattern. Six chairs sat around the table an intricate pattern of trees and wild animals carved into the top covered by a large sheet of thick glass. The velvet covering on each chair with a soft plush feel, a dark choclate brown. All of it seemed to be handmade. It struck her as odd that every detail had been lovingly put into this house of charm. The cabinets around the room, more than she could ever think were needed each door had a wild scene hand carved into it. The longer she looked the more details she picked out in each scene from the far away rivers to the trees with birds in them. Each one held unbelievable details right down to the leaves on the trees.

Part three:

  He had poured two mugs of coffee and sat down beside her. Her gaze finally fell back on his face. She was taken aback at the thoughtful way he was looking at her like he could read the thoughts in her mind.

  "Well now, the time has come for you to tell me about yourself angel! Why were you at the lake first off? Why the tears over a simple coffee mug? Sorry too fast one question at a time. Can I get a name and we will go from there?" he gently asked as he layed a large hand over her hand that rested on the table top, like an afterthought.

  Her gaze settled on his hand, " I would love to but I don't know my name, I just can't seem to remember it. Nor can I answer your second question, I haven't a clue why I was there. Lord only knows what all the tears are about!" He didn't look shocked or even disturbed by her words. He only gently patted her hand and took a sip of his coffee.

  "Well eventually we will find the answers lets just pretend we know for now. Maybe they will come to you as we talk and get to know one another. You obviously are trust worthy or Nadine would not have fallen asleep in your presence. She is very shy and I was shocked to find her in the room without me nor her grandma present. So this much I believe because that child has an intuition that is no match for any adult." Jerry stated.

  "She believes I am an angel sent just for her! I wonder why that is? She is a precious little girl, sweet as they come and obviously full of dreams. She seems very smart an intelectual child. Shy, yet open to suggestion which is an endearing quality." the stranger replied.

  "Yes, she takes after her mother that way!" he looked down at his hand seeming to just realize he held hers gently in his palm. Slowly his thumb circled over the center of her palm.

  She pulled her hand from his soft grasp and silently picked up her mug taking a sip of the hot liquid. Startled she quickly looked up at him, " Sugar, how did you know?"

  He tipped his head slightly his eyes picking up a light shined at her with a secretive twinkle, "What?"

"There is sugar in this coffee how did you know I took sugar in my coffee?"

A smile played across his lips, " I guess I just figured a sweet lady like you needed the sweet taste of honey in her coffee. It is honey by the way. We have our own bee hives in the orchard.  Alot cheaper than buying sugar at the market." he stated matter of factly.

"Delicious, it's just how I like it!" a small smile formed on her beautiful face.

  Time seemed to stand still as they sat staring at each other. Occasionally one or the other would look out the window. Each wanted to ask several questions but the air seemed heavy around them. Neither wanted to break the silence.

The mystical atmosphere seemed to engulf them both. She felt she had to be dreaming. Peace like this didn't exist in her world. He seemed content just watching her yet she wondered what he could be thinking of.

"What are you thinking?" they both spoke at once.

  Both gently laughed as the tension was broke. He guestered with his hand, "You first!"

"Ok, well earlier in the bedroom you mentioned you didn't want Nadine in the barn during the birth of the foal, Why?" she really didn't want to upset him but she couldn't help wondering.

  "Well three years ago when Nadine was just a baby." His voice caught. His mind wandered back to the past. She gently took and laid her hand on his. "Her momma, Grace, went to the barn when my old mare was sick. Mom, Graces' mother, was tending to the younger mare who was foaling at that time. Grace had put Nadine in her cradle outside the pen of the older mare. She went in to give her a shot of penicilan, mom was in with the young mare. I was just coming in to the barn leading Graces' horse Ben. It was raining out and Ben isn't good with lightening, I didn't want him upset out in the field." Jerry looked thoughtful like he stepped into the past. The silence went on.

  Finally he spoke again, " It was raining so hard, you couldn't see five foot in front of you. The mud in the paddocks was knee deep.  I had spent the morning getting the cattle in and putting the horses up. I guess Grace being the kind woman she was decided I didn't have time to dispence the penacilian too the old mare, so she would see to it." He took a short sip of his coffee. His hand shook slightly but he didn't spill the cup.

  " I had no idea Grace or Nadine was in the barn. Just when I slid the doors shut mom hollered for me. I thought the new mare was in trouble. I released Bens' halter and sprinted to the mares pen." he hesitated again as a tear rolled down his cheek. The stranger covered his hand with hers. "I didn't know she was in the barn!" his voice dropped to a whisper."See Ben he was very protective of Grace. Grace always had to be careful not to show attention to the other horses when Ben was around. He was worse than a man when it came to jealousy. He was getting old and like a man worried his mistress would find a younger horse to ride."

  "I opened the gate to the new mares pen. I turned and looked over my shoulder just as Grace came to the gate of the old mares pen. I saw a small hand flail from the cradle just as a blur came between Grace and me. I don't remember all that happened in the next few seconds. Mom would have to fill you in there." he took another sip of coffee seeming to gather his thoughts. The stranger squeezed his hand gently.

  "The next thing I know I had a wailing Nadine in my arms laying across a bail of hay with her protectivly under me. I layed watching an enraged Ben kicking and stomping a gunny sack that had hung from the old mares pen. Mom was screaming and Grace," his breatth caught, " Grace laid on the floor. Red all around her, she was pale white with her golden hair across her back. The lamp light made an arch around her that made her look like a fragile china doll. Mom just stood there screaming. Suddenly I seemed to wake up. I clutched Nadine to me and ran to Grace. I barely noticed the cradle laid there shattered into several pieces just a few feet out of the way." With those words he shoved a hand through his hair. Stood and walked to the old wood stove where the kettle sat.

  He picked the kettle up pouring more coffee into his cup. Turned and walked over refreshing her cup. He placed the kettle calmly back where it had been. Sitting back down he took up where he had left off.

  "I stood mom up and handed her Nadine. I turned her to the doors and told her to take Nadine inside. I grabbed Ben's harness and locked him in his pen. I lifted Grace into my arms and began to weep uncontrolably. I carried her to the truck. I didn't know if she was still alive or not. There was so much blood. Mom opened the cabin door and yelled at me to hurry please hurry! I could see she held little hope it was clear in her eyes she saw death as I did." he sat there with a blank stare, staring into his past.

  " I got in the truck, I drove as fast as I could but the mud wouldn't allow me to go very fast at all. I almost slid off the road a few times on that trip. I knew it didn't matter though. Grace was already gone, I could feel it in my heart. I spoke to her all the way telling her to hold on. Her blood ran out in a stream across my lap as I held her head as still as I possably could while dodging the pot holes. I tried! God help me I tried to believe she was still alive. My heart knew she was gone. I could feel the emptiness growing before I even reached town." he gulped coffee down trying to keep his throat from closing up. He was struggling but felt it was neccesary for this woman to know. He took a deep breath before continuing.

  " The doctor confirmed my belief when I finally pulled up to his home just on the outskirts of town. According to the doctor the first hoof blow to her head had killed her instantly, atleast she had felt no pain." He set the coffee cup back down on the table the sound echoed loudly through the quiet space.

  " We buried her two days later beside her father in the pouring rain. It rained five more days before the storm left. Eight days of rain, the fields were flooded. Rain poured in my heart. I remember because it had been eight years to the day of me meeting Grace. We fell in love instantly." He looked up with a tear in his eye. He picked the strangers hand up and gave it a slight squeeze as he stared at her.

  "Nadine was only a week old. Our second child, the first, four years before never breathed a breath on this earth. He was born three months too early. Grace had blamed herself so much. It took four years for me to convince her we had to try again. Our little boy rests beside his mother. She now holds him in her arms again. She knew she would some day! I just keep telling myself she is caring for him I have to care for Nadine!" He sat back in his chair. Pulling his shoulders back and wiping the one tear that ran down his cheek away.

  " Wow, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to ramble on like that! Like I said it is a long story. Hard for me to talk about!" He seemed ashamed for showing her his deep feelings of hurt.

  She turned toward him, "No, I needed to know! I still wonder though. Why keep Nadine from seeing the miracle of birth. Those things don't happen all the time!" she squeezed his hand to soften the blow of her words.

  "I fear for her life, see, it was foaling season if it hadn't been foaling season. Mom, would have had pleanty of time. Nadine wouldn't have been in the barn. I could've shielded Grace instead of Nadine." He pulled his hand from hers.

  "So you blame yourself for Graces death. You really think you could've saved her. Do you also blame Nadine for being there, are you now punishing her for Graces death?" the pained look that crossed his face made her believe she had guessed pretty close to the truth.

  "I am sorry, I have no right to question you! Oh my lord, I have spoken to quickly, without thinking I am afraid.  I did not aim to throw that at you like that. Please forgive me!" she leaped up from the table ready to run, afraid a hand would come flying at her over those stinging words.

  She turned in haste and came to a sudden stop. The old woman stood in the kitchen door. She stood with her hand across her mouth, as though to keep her words in her mouth. Her hand slowly fell to her side as her son n law looked up at her.

  The young woman ran past her, her pale hand reached out grabbing her arm stopping her, "No! Do not run, you have asked a question I have many times wanted to ask myself. She gazed lovingly at her son in law, tears hit the floor, "Please, son, answer her. Do you blame yourself for Graces' death?"

  "Madam this is none of my bussiness. I was out of line for asking that. I shall leave you two to talk. I will tell Nadine goodbye. Leave if you will just direct me back to the park and my car." the stranger felt uncomfortable and knew it was time to leave.

  Both mother and son stood now, staring balefully at each other, tears streamed from both sets of eyes. Neither spoke a word yet the communication was very clear. Both turned toward her and smiled. Mom spoke first, "Child you will not leave under such circumstances. You could never find the park even if you had a map from here. The car though, sits in the barn.  Jerry towed it the day after you saved Nadine. It had to be yours. The picture on the mirror resembles you but about twenty years older. I figured it had to be your mother! The key from your pocket fit the door and your belongings. What few there are, safely stored in the barn. That car has seen better days. If it was a horse I would definatly shoot it." The old woman laughed just a little trying to lighten the tense situation.

  She turned to Jerry, "Yes, I heard pleanty we will talk soon but this child needs our help right now. Best we tend to wounds that can be healed! We will worry about old scars that need mending soon!" the woman walked up to Jerry and laid her hand upon his cheek gently.

  Jerry enveloped her in his arms squeezing gently in a big bear hug. "Love you!"

  "Where is Nadine hiding? I am sure she is ready for grandma to finish her book by now!" she asked with a huge grin.

  Guiltily the young woman whispered, "I am sorry madam but she looked so sad earlier when she came to retrieve the book. Well I invited her to stay and I would read the book to her. I got so involved in reading the book, I am not sure when she fell asleep but I finished reading it to her. I apologize!"

  "Good child, Lord knows I am tired of Hanzel and Gretel. I have read that book enough times raising my own children." the old lady grinned up at her then winked.

  Jerry led her out of the kitchen through the living room on to the porch."Here put those on!" He handed her a set of clean socks and a pair of rubber boots. She put them on and realized they fit her perfectly. She looked curiously at him.

  He realized what she was wondering, "Grace and you are much the same size I suppose!"

  She followed him to the large barn outside the white picket fence. When she had latched the gate her eyes fell on the cabin. A log cabin nestled into a cleft in the rock cliff at the bottom of a large hill. Beautiful as it was she was amazed at the setting!


Part four:
Jerry opened the barn door and led her past several empty stalls. "The mares are on the opposite side of the barn right now. We can go see the foals later if you like!"

  Jerry reached down and pulled the dark canvas from the beat up little car. On the side door scratched in the dirt the words "Black Plague" stared at her. When Jerry had first read those he had really wondered, why? A slight chuckle from deep within arose in his throat. Now it occured to him to ask!

  "Why Black Plague, any ideas?"

  She just stared at the crude scratches in the dirt. In her mind she saw a man about her hieght with thick dark hair as he walked up a sidewalk toward her laughing. The laugh was harsh and hurt her ears. "Don't worry I will give you the quarters to go wash it off!" His smile was false, and his teeth gleamed with the whiteness of a ghost. It shocked her to see him put a cigarette in his mouth. She shook her head to make the image go away.

  Jerry stood there by the car door staring at her, an expectant look on his face. Waiting patiently for her to answer.  She looked at him and wondered, did she tell him what she had seen? Maybe he could help her piece the puzzle together eventually. Then again did she really want to piece this puzzle together or was there a reason she had forgotten everything?

  Their eyes locked. The question remained unanswered seeming to settle in the dust between them. She opened the drivers door on the small compact car. Amazed that the back floor board was full of empty pepsi cans. She began to laugh then commented, "Obviously I am addicted to Pepsi!"

  He laughed along with her. She began to pull the plastic containers from the back out on to the ground. In all their were four. Two were full of clothing, one had several teddy bears. (This one seemed oddly in an order like she had been worried they might not be happy. Each had its head up top where it could breath.) Jerry laughed again, "Seems their is a little girl hidden inside that womanly exterior!"
 
  She made no comment as she opened the last container. It held several photograph albums and what looked like a box of old letters. She sat down on the hard wood floor as she began to shuffle through the box. "Looks like this one just might contain the information I need to put the puzzle of my memory back together!"

  Jerry reached down and grasped her gently under both arms lifting her to her feet."Come lets sort through this later in the house. Mom would love to look at those photos you have there. The labels on the albums tell me you have done a little traveling and mom has never seen much other than this ranch. I will carry this inside. Why don't you put some jeans on and lets go for a ride. I'll show you the ranch. I need to check on the cattle up in the back forty."

  "What about Nadine and Mom, won't they want to go for a ride with you?" she didn't know about riding on a horse. Something inside her said she knew horses but didn't ride often.

  "Mom ride! She hasn't rode in a good fifteen years. Nadine, well she loves to watch but I haven't yet allowed her to get on the back of a horse!" He shrugged his shoulders.

  She picked through the clothing and came up with undergarments, jeans, and some shoes. A t-shirt read, "Escape to Black river" she must have escaped to this black river at some time. Maybe that was the river she had seen in her mind earlier. All those people gathered by a rivers edge, laughing and having a good time. Jerry prompted her to walk with an arm wrapped loosly around her waist. He awkwardly carried the blue tub on his other shoulder. Holding it in place, while keeping her steady on her feet.

  They walked in the door to the smell of fresh baked apple pie. It hit her so hard she engulfed the smell, her mouth began to water. It smelled heavenly to her. It must have been a long time since she had smelled that she just wanted to stand there and take it all in.

  The old woman stepped out of the kitchen at the slam of the front door. She reached down and wiped her hands on the bottom of her apron. The apron looked as though it had been made just for her and used for many years. "Did you find anything to help you with your troubles dear child?"

"Mom, you will enjoy this. We did find several photo albums tucked into this here box. Before I leave her to search for her answers though we are going to take a ride to the back forty to check on the cattle, ok!"

"Well of course, are you sure its safe though she may have no experience on horses?" a worried look spread across her face. Her forehead wrinkled. She was worried her son-n-law was rushing this angel into his world. He had been lonely for so long.

"Don't worry so much mom I am going to have her ride the old mare. That mare has no energy to buck anyone off her any more."

" I would suggest you just have her ride in front of you on Lightening, like you use to do with me. She would probably feel safer." mom smiled brightly at that thought.

"Mom, shame on you! I read your mind there." He laughed as he led the stranger out the cabin door and back toward the barn.

Part five

  "You know actually your mom is probably right. Some how I have this inner feeling I have never ridden a horse before. Though for some reason I feel I know horses in some sense." she stepped up on the fence rail beside the paddock he was saddling a short older horse.

He turned and looked over his shoulder at her. She was a beautiful vision standing there with her hair blowing in the wind. The sun was right behind her giving her an elegant angel look. He stopped short of tightening the strap under the horses stomach. "Would you feel more comfortable riding with me?"

"Well yes, I do think so. If you wouldn't be uncomfortable with it?"

"Not at all sweet lady!" he didn't hesitate. He swung the saddle back to the ground and patted the horse on the rear giving her the go ahead to run off. The horse took the signal and galloped to the other side of the paddock. The horse actually looked releaved to her. She laughed at the way the horse turned its head back over its shoulder and stared at her. She turned back to where Jerry stood, he was gone.

Only a few seconds went by when Jerry reappeared through the paddock gate leading a beautiful black and white horse. She didn't know what kind of horse but this horse stood taller than him and had an elegance about it that made the vision seem sereal. To her it was dream like as this tall dark and handsome man, led this beautiful horse by a short rope right up to where she stood.

Tipping his cowboy hat back with a nudge from his hand that held the rope. He handed her the rope to hold. "This is Lightening. Lightening meet Angel, she is a special lady you won't hurt her will you?" he scratched the horse between the ears. The horse shook its head from side to side as if saying no. Its fine black mane, atleast six inches in length floated down its neck. Blowing gently in the slight breeze. Lightenings beautiful long tail almost dragged on the dirt below the horses feet. The horse stood there and didn't move an inch while she held the rope waiting for Jerry to return again.

Jerry reappeared with another saddle this one looked newer. It was a western saddle with bright silver stars along the rear of the seat. A carving of leaves and vine traveled down the stirrups. The saddle itself was a masterpiece. Upon the back of this elegant horse with Jerry standing beside it tightening straps all around. It was a perfect picture. She silently wished she had a camera. Now she wondered where that thought had come from. Well with all the photo albums he had just taken inside she obviously took photos.

Jerry mounted the horse then leaned over toward her. The horse sensing what he wanted moved its rear right up against the fence she stood on. "Swing your leg over the saddle. Don't worry I won't let you fall." He scooted backward making room for her as her leg went over the top rail and slid in front of him over the saddle. She slid into place in front of him. His arm wrapped around her and gathered the reins in his hand. Without another word he kicked Lightening gently. Lightening headed toward the gate that led out into the field.

She looked back over her shoulder tipping her head slightly to see Jerry had a smile on his face. He increased the pressure around her waist and whispered in her ear,"You ok? Comfortable?"

"Yes, and yes!" she held the horn on the saddle so tightly her knuckles were turning white. She stared at her hands afraid he would see how tightly she held on. She smiled even though deep down she feared this adventure for some reason.

She began to relax as she took in the deep greens, and the lighter greens. To one side of the field she could see another field where tall grasses turning yellow blew in the wind. Off toward their other side stood what to her looked like a forrest. The trees were so thick the land underneath was dark and shadowed. The silence went on for some time. He simply held his arm around her, his hand gently laid over hers on the horn of the saddle. She had relaxed her grip when his hand had covered hers. They rode along in silence. She had gotten more comfortable and was now leaning back against his chest. His chin slightly grazing her shoulder every now and then. She could feel the hardness of his chest against her back. The slow rocking of their bodies was in sinc with the slow measured pace of the horses slight gallop. They were in no hurry to get anywhere. Jerry seemed to know exactly where he was headed. She trusted him to get her back safely.

They headed up a slight incline, several trees appeared as they came to the top of the incline. She had not realized they had gone up what seemed to be a large hill. She was unprepared for the sight that was before her as he reined Lightening to a stop at the top.

She gasped, at the beauty that was before her. A wide stream of water flowed below them. Just a short ways down a winding dirt path the water fell down a cliff of rocks. A good fifteen foot drop to a pool below. The sounds and movement of the water was entrancing as Lightening sidestepped a couple times. Restless to continue moving. Jerry held the reins tightly keeping her as still as possible as Angel took in the beauty of his favorite spot. He could tell she was entranced by the sight just as he had been the first time he saw it. He was still amazed at how beautiful the land was here.

Unbidden the memory came to his mind of the first time he had brought Grace out this far. She had not sat quietly like this viewing. Instead she had kicked her horse into a full run to the bottom of the winding path. By the time he had caught up she had already undressed and dove into the pool below the waterfall.They had swum for hours before laying on the bank in the sun.The picture in his mind fell away as he felt Angel's head turn up toward his face.

He looked down into her emerald eyes. The smile and the vibrant look in her eyes told him she loved what she was seeing before her. He didn't think his actions out, he just reacted to the lovely sight of her. He leaned down and kissed her lips gently with only a slight hesitation. Quickly pulling back when he realized what he had done. She sat with her head still propped back, her eyes had glazed over and the unbidden tears fell. She silently slid from his arm and landed on the ground on her feet. She stood with one hand on the horses neck staring up at him. Still unable to speak. His voice came out in a harsh barely audible whisper.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to it was just natural I swear!" his words tumbled out as he dismounted landing beside her. He wrapped an arm around her waist. She had turned away now looking out toward the waterfall below.

"This was your special place with Grace wasn't it?" she asked in a gentle whisper that floated to his ears on the wind.

"Yes, down there by the water pool. Grace was never one to care much for the natural beauty that surrounded her. She was from the city, it took her awhile to get use to the country and all of this." He threw an arm out and spanned it in a circle indicating the land around them.

  " At this point I don't know if I am a city girl or not but this, this is the most beautiful sight. The water, the trees, the grass is even a beautiful shade of green. I can't imagine someone not realizing how beautiful this picture before us is." she turned back toward him again. The look on his face told her,her tactics weren't working he was wondering why she had dismounted. Obviously afraid he had made her mad by kissing her. His kiss had been tantalizing but she didn't know why something inside her said not to get involved. Run, her brain seemed to whisper in her mind non stop. "Run and keep on running. Your running out of time!"

She looked into his eyes and refused to listen to those whispered words. Instead she reached up and cupped his face between her hands. Causing him to lean slightly forward into her. She laid her lips upon his. They both melted into the passionate kiss that followed. Niether wanted to pull away. Lightening on the other hand had other ideas and began to walk off toward the pool below. Her owners hand still holding the lead rope, he was slowly tugged gently away from the Angels lips. Grabbing Angels hand they both walked beside the horse toward the pool of water glistening in the sun. The cattle forgotten for the moment. Along with everything else. Jerry walked with an arm circling the waist of the Angel beside him. Smiling all the way to the edge of the water. There he released the horses lead. The horse just lowered her head to drink from the cool water.

The angel stood staring back toward the waterfall.Taking it all in. Beautiful music arose around them. Crickets chirped in the grass. A frogs gribbett-gribbett was heard in the distance, and the murmur of the water falling and hitting the pool. All combined with the song of a bluebird in a tree above their heads. This was a picture from a dream. She thought for sure she had to be dreaming this whole thing. She hugged herself with her arms wrapped tightly around her middle.

Jerry took the few steps to place himself behind her, leaning into her back as he pulled her body close to his. He leaned and whispered in her ear, "Cold?" his hands traveled up and down her arms. Sending shivers over her entire body. Cold no, just a bit on the heated side actually. She thought to herself. They stood there silently for quit some time. Both locked in their own thoughts. It was a comfortable silence though as though they were melded into one.

The angel soon pulled away and walked around the edge of the pool. Stopping several times to capture the image in her minds eye. "I do hope you will bring me back here before I leave. I so hope I can keep these images in my memory somewhere. This, this is absolutly gorgeous Jerry." With those words she looked back to where he was standing over with the Lightening. He stood there just silently watching her as she picked her way around the pool. She stood almost directly across from him when she finally spoke.

  The frown that formed on his face scared her. What had she said? He answered the unbidden question in her mind as it formed. "Do you intend to leave immediatly dear Angel? I guess I was hoping you would stay for awhile and allow me to get to know you." He led lightening to where she stood rather quickly. He placed his hands in a cup for her to remount Lightening. She could not answer his question the words just wouldn't come to mind. Silently she took his hint placing her foot in his hands and remounting. He followed quickly, settling himself behind her.

  Suddenly the magic of the scene beside them lost its beauty. Her thoughts went dark as he gently kicked Lightening into the soft gallop of before. His arm no longer felt like a security blanket wrapped around her. He now seemed annoyed with her. She wondered again what she had said. Surely he knew she couldn't stay. They hadn't even discovered what her name was yet.

  They crossed another incline and before them stood a herd of cattle grazing on the beautiful green grass. They lifted their heads at the sound of the horses hooves but not one moved any farther than to graze the next patch of grass. Jerry reigned Lightening in to a slow walk along the top of the hill. Silently watching the cows below like he was looking for something imparticular. In the distance below she heard the moo of a lone cow. It came to her the cow sounded as though it was in trouble. Obviously Jerry thought the same for suddenly they were at a full gallop faster than before. She had grabbed the horn of the saddle and was hanging on for dear life. He seemed to have forgotten she sat in front of him as he was intent on finding the cow which was hollering in the distance.