Atonement

XxAtOnEmEnTxX

Darkness ensues like an endless nightmare
Ceasing to let me live the life I know I should
No matter where I turn its all around me
Following me to break me down and ruin me
So I fight to keep the darkness in me at bay

So much is going on to stop me in my tracks
I could break down and end it all in one night of pain
It stays sheltered inside waiting to unleash itself
Causeing pain to all around me....
And most of all myself...

Every nightmare is like a payment for my sins
Every night suffering to be happy
Yet, thinking about it.... is it worth it?
Should I suffer to be what I should be already?
Are these risks that I must take?

Those months ago could have ended it all
I suffered three months and was finally there
A stage where all was well, in my imagination
A fake pursuit of a state of being which wasn't mine
Yet in so many ways it was so worth it

I felt I had awoken when that light came back....
Now I'm just waiting to see when I wake up again
This is my first good dream in many moons
To good to be true, as one would say...
I don't deserve what came to me that day in October

Everytime I try to wake myself...
Is a proven attempt that I'm dreaming...
You can never wake from what you know you want
All that you need in one place... who would want to leave?
However I can't lie to myself anymore... or anyone else....

Please... save me... wake me from this hell I've created.... it's not to late....