Missing you

I think you viewed my-my space page.  Every time I check and see if you logged in, your account shows that your last log ins usually run 2-5 days behind.  When I check the web stats to see if I see your IP; I see Florida-where you live but for someone else.  yesterday I noticed a Yonkers IP.  Your old known location, and you logged into yours space, 4/11/07.  Why do I do this to myself?  U married -you left-that's it.  Yes, I love you, but emotionally  I prepared myself for what came next.  What kills me is the fact that, we kept intouch up until 3 weeks ago.  You called me, asked what I was doing, and that you would call back.  That was the last I heard from you.  I miss you so much.  I told you about my-new business-plans, and you told me yours,  But you haven't called, and that upsets me.  This crazy crush as I call it.  I have feeling this way.  It makes me feel voulnerable, helpless and out-of-control.  I know that what we had was just on a friendship level.  Yet, had things happened differently, I think you and I would have been together.  The distractions and the blocks ahead of us prevented us from flourishing into what I knew should have happened.  I leave it up to God.  You went ahead and you married her.  How do I know you don't love her?  I asked you,"how's everything with you and your wife?".  You kept quiet.  Enough said in silence.  before you got married, the little flings you had that came to light after you left.  Yet, had I had the change I would havre made you mine, and kept it that way.  I would have given up alot foru you.  Will I ever know?  I just feel that something happened as to why you have not called.  Did dhe make you make give your NY friends?  Did she give you and ultimatum?  What happened?  I'm crazy over you.  I used your last name as my pen name(franco).  Scary. I log into my tracker everyday just to see if I see your IP.  Anything to stay close to you.  Your far, I don't have your home number.  I don't find you because I don't want to.  If I want to, I'd use my judgment enforcement business tools to find you.  But no!  I am gonna let you be.  If you really wanted to speak to me, you would go out of your way to make that happen.  Regarless- I love you and always will.