Socktopia

‘Freedom! Freedom at last!’ Mr. White Tube Sock thought to himself as gazed upon this heavenly paradise only whispered about amongst the other socks during weekly bath time. Everyone believed Socktopia only to be a myth; a hopeful, fleeting escape most socks only dreamed of reaching. But here Mr. White Tube Sock stood, at the golden gates of Socktopia, awaiting what he could only imagine to be his final judgment. Supposedly, if the stories are true, the Almighty Striped Stocking was to meet every lowly sock who was lucky enough to land here, and determine whether or not said sock was worthy to remain in Socktopia.
    Mr. White Tube Sock imagined what his new life will be like in Socktopia. Already from between the golden gate’s bars, he could see other socks reclining in velvet lined drawers while elegant baby doll socks with pretty frills lounged about with strips of fabric softener.
    Mrs. White Tube Sock was long forgotten once a pair of fetching fishnets began sensually rubbing against one another next to a pool of soapy, Tide enhanced water.
    Then the clouds parted and through a beam of light, the Almighty Striped Stocking floated down toward Mr. White Tube Sock, who stared in awe at his glorious black&white stripes.
“Do you think you are ready for the privilege of the marvelous escape of Socktopia? Can you handle our super duper soft fabric softener of the likes you’ve never felt before, or our bi-curious fishnet stockings tenderly wrapping their toes about one another?” the Almighty Striped Stocking spoke in a poorly disguised, deep baritone voice, but Mr. White Tube sock was too distracted by his beautiful stripes to notice.
    “I- I believe so . . . I’ve been a g-g-good sock all my life, sir. Always provided the p-proper warmth for the foot I was sustaining. If I could just maybe be given a chance, I—“
“SILENCE!”, the Almighty Striped Socking boomed. None of the joyous socks in Socktopia were disturbed in their play, even though The Almighty’s command thunderously shook the ground below Mr. White Tube Sock’s figurative feet.
“After looking over your file. . .,” The Almighty paused for a moment, as if considering his verdict. Mr. White Tube Sock almost broke a seam with the anticipation of it all.
    “After much thought and consideration, I have determined that you are most certainly not ready for the awesome perks Socktopia has to offer. Now if you’d just step to your right, you’ll find the Exit and be on your way.”
    Mr. White Tube Sock was stunned. He was sure after that authentic show of contemplating, he was bound to gain entry into Socktopia. How dare he! Mr. White Tube Sock was thoroughly pissed, and he was determined to give this “Almighty” the what’s what!!
“Let me tell you something, I—” But his speech was cut off when the Almighty Striped Stocking reached for a lever that wasn’t there before, and pulled. Mr. White Tube Sock fell through a trap door and descended at a rapid pace down what seemed like a never-ending pit. He screamed and cried and would’ve peed himself if he had the equipment for it, but before he could wail another cry for his mother, he woke up.
    And he was safely in the warm cocoon of the dryer with all his sock friends and family. For a while he tumbled around next to Mrs. White Tube Sock, his wife, and after a short period of thought, snuggled up next to her and reveled in the warmth of the dryer and just being next to all his loved ones.
“Honey, I just had the weirdest dream . . .”