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The Good Old Days

by Danny Boogs

Rated: 13+ · Other · Comedy · #1254789

Written for the Good-old Days Contest. Very hard to read as there is no punctutation.

YOUWOULDTHINKTHATBEINGINTHEGOODOLDDAYSWOULDMEANLESSCHANCEATBEINGPULLEDOVERFORADUIBUTLETMETELLYOUTHATISJUSTAMISCONCEPTIONTHATTHEPRESSTRIESTOSELLYOUSOWHATIFTHEREWERENO CARBACKTHENTHATDIDNOTSTOPMEFROMSUCCESSFULLYDRIVINGAPIGDRUNKYESAPIGDRUNKIWOULDHAVETAKENTHEHORSEOUTFORASPININSTEADBUTMYSONHADTAKENITOUTFORTHEOPERASOIWASSTUCKWITHTHEPIGNOWYOUMAYTHINKTHATPIGSAREEASYTODRIVEBUTTHATISALIETHEYARESURPRISINGLYHARDESPECIALLYSINCETHEPIGIWASONWASONLYTWOFEETTALLANDWASMISSINGALEGITBEINGBLINDPROBABLYDIDNOTHELPEITHERITOOKTHEPIGOUTWITHTHEINTENTIONOFGOINGTOTHENEWOUTLETMALLIKNOWTHEYPROBABLYDIDNOTEXISTBACKTHENBUTPROVEMEWRONGBUTIGOTPULLEDOVERBYAMANRIDINGAHORSEWHOSAIDHEWASPLACINGMEUNDERCITIZENSARRESTWELLNATURALLYIWASPISSEDSOIWENTTOTHEBREWERYANDDRANKMYSORROWSAWAYTURNSOUTIHADAHEARINGTHENEXTDAYBECAUSEAPPARENTLYCITIZENSARRESTISASERIOUSCRIMETHATWASNEWSTOMESOIARRIVEDATTHEHEARINGCOMPLETELYANDUTTERLYSMASHEDTHEJUDGEJUSTSTAREDATMEASIWOBBLEDINTOTHECOURTROOMHEWASBAFFLEDHOWIHADTHECOURAGETOWALKINNOTONLYDRUNKBUTALSOWEARINGNOTHINGBUTAPARKAITOLDHIMIWASNOTDRUNKHEWASTHEONEWHOWASDRUNKBUTTHATDIDNOTWORKASWELLASIHADHOPEDITWOULDTHEALMIGHTYJUDGEHADMESITDOWNATTHETABLEANDPLEADMYCASEHEALSOTOLDMETOTRYANDEXPLAINHOWIHADCOMETOADUIHEARINGDRUNKICALMLYEXPLAINEDTOHIMTHATIWASNOTASTHINKASHEDRUNKIWASBUTTHATLITTLECOMMENTONLYSETMEBACKITRIEDTOEXPLAINTHATDRIVINGAPIGDRUNKSHOULDNOTBECONSIDEREDACRIMEBUTRATHERITSHOULDBECOMMENDEDBECAUSEWHOINTHEIRRIGHTMINDTRIESTODRIVEAPIGTOANOUTLETMALLSERIOUSLYTHEJUDGESYMPATHIZEDWITHMEANDTOLDMETHATIFIWOULDPUTSOMEDAMNPANTSONANDPROMISENEVERTODRINKANDDRIVEAPIGAGAINHEWOULDNOTSENTENCEMETOJAILTIMEANDONLYMAKEMEDOCOMMUNITYSERVICEFORAFEWYEARSWHICHISWHEREIWILLLEAVEYOUNOWBECAUSEIHAVETOGOMAKETHEWORLDABETTERPLACEBYSCRAPPINGHORSECRAPOFFOFTHEROADS

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