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Rated: 13+ · Other · Comedy · #1254789
Written for the Good-old Days Contest. Very hard to read as there is no punctutation.
YOUWOULDTHINKTHATBEINGINTHEGOODOLDDAYSWOULDMEANLESSCHANCEATBEINGPULLEDOVERFORADUIBUTLETMETELLYOUTHATISJUSTAMISCONCEPTIONTHATTHEPRESSTRIESTOSELLYOUSOWHATIFTHEREWERENO CARBACKTHENTHATDIDNOTSTOPMEFROMSUCCESSFULLYDRIVINGAPIGDRUNKYESAPIGDRUNKIWOULDHAVETAKENTHEHORSEOUTFORASPININSTEADBUTMYSONHADTAKENITOUTFORTHEOPERASOIWASSTUCKWITHTHEPIGNOWYOUMAYTHINKTHATPIGSAREEASYTODRIVEBUTTHATISALIETHEYARESURPRISINGLYHARDESPECIALLYSINCETHEPIGIWASONWASONLYTWOFEETTALLANDWASMISSINGALEGITBEINGBLINDPROBABLYDIDNOTHELPEITHERITOOKTHEPIGOUTWITHTHEINTENTIONOFGOINGTOTHENEWOUTLETMALLIKNOWTHEYPROBABLYDIDNOTEXISTBACKTHENBUTPROVEMEWRONGBUTIGOTPULLEDOVERBYAMANRIDINGAHORSEWHOSAIDHEWASPLACINGMEUNDERCITIZENSARRESTWELLNATURALLYIWASPISSEDSOIWENTTOTHEBREWERYANDDRANKMYSORROWSAWAYTURNSOUTIHADAHEARINGTHENEXTDAYBECAUSEAPPARENTLYCITIZENSARRESTISASERIOUSCRIMETHATWASNEWSTOMESOIARRIVEDATTHEHEARINGCOMPLETELYANDUTTERLYSMASHEDTHEJUDGEJUSTSTAREDATMEASIWOBBLEDINTOTHECOURTROOMHEWASBAFFLEDHOWIHADTHECOURAGETOWALKINNOTONLYDRUNKBUTALSOWEARINGNOTHINGBUTAPARKAITOLDHIMIWASNOTDRUNKHEWASTHEONEWHOWASDRUNKBUTTHATDIDNOTWORKASWELLASIHADHOPEDITWOULDTHEALMIGHTYJUDGEHADMESITDOWNATTHETABLEANDPLEADMYCASEHEALSOTOLDMETOTRYANDEXPLAINHOWIHADCOMETOADUIHEARINGDRUNKICALMLYEXPLAINEDTOHIMTHATIWASNOTASTHINKASHEDRUNKIWASBUTTHATLITTLECOMMENTONLYSETMEBACKITRIEDTOEXPLAINTHATDRIVINGAPIGDRUNKSHOULDNOTBECONSIDEREDACRIMEBUTRATHERITSHOULDBECOMMENDEDBECAUSEWHOINTHEIRRIGHTMINDTRIESTODRIVEAPIGTOANOUTLETMALLSERIOUSLYTHEJUDGESYMPATHIZEDWITHMEANDTOLDMETHATIFIWOULDPUTSOMEDAMNPANTSONANDPROMISENEVERTODRINKANDDRIVEAPIGAGAINHEWOULDNOTSENTENCEMETOJAILTIMEANDONLYMAKEMEDOCOMMUNITYSERVICEFORAFEWYEARSWHICHISWHEREIWILLLEAVEYOUNOWBECAUSEIHAVETOGOMAKETHEWORLDABETTERPLACEBYSCRAPPINGHORSECRAPOFFOFTHEROADS
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