im done now

AHHHH. i hate this place with every thing.
once i wanted to stay but now i cant stand it.
how could i have gone so far and not realized.
not even comperhensing what i was doing.
how many times have i told myself you know better.
dont be foolish. how many times must i do this to
finlaly understand that messing up is no longer and
opption.
how could you be so stuped you say to your self now
every time that you look at your self in that blasted mirror
that always seems to talk back at you when you have done
some thing wrong and you are trying to hied it.
you are afraid of what others will think but then you
remember that it is not what the other thinks but
what god thinks. how could god love me after what
i had promised him that i would never do it but i did. how am
i to forgive myself for this when i can bearly not hold a
grude.
help me some one that can understand what it is that
has happend. i cant hied any more it is killing me inside.
i have to come out with it now but i am afraid of chasing those that
i love and caree for away.