Ending the Pain

The things I hate, revolve around me,
Apart shall us be, because you just can't see
What you are doing to me, you can't see
You're holding me back, I need someone new
You act like we don't mean nothing,
Well being with me means something,
Mascara may be smeared, reality may be feared
And our past, has reappeared,
And the future has neared
My pain is so unreal, I am numb, I cannot feel
I cannot feel that we are more than friends
I am not sure where this relationship begins and ends
Suicide crawls into my head,
Visions of myself, lying on the ground dead
My heart is just a net to catch the people I love when they fall
But nobody has a net for me to fall in, so I feel like I want to just end it all
And maybe not be selfish, just end it all in privacy, but then no matter what I do
I will be to relieve perishing in hell, listen well, I love my family and I do not want to hurt them or you
That is why I am still alive and have a drive for this life I live and I want live
I do not wish to die, I just am stupid, when I am depressed
When my hatred is repressed and I am oppressed
By this school by everything and everyone
How am I to become
Exactly what you want?
Can I fulfill these expectations?
I don't know, just have more time to blow
I have darkness in my heart,
On the inside it is torn apart
I cannot feel
I told you from the beginning
My pain is so unreal
I am numb...
I am dumb...
I just cannot be normal...
I'd address this formal,
But I just can't...
I sometimes want to end it all...
I used to take the knife into one hand
Maybe you'd understand why there was blood on my arm
I couldn't feel it though, even though I was crying
The only reason I did cry is because on the inside I was going to die
On the outside, I cry, I wonder why
I want something good in my life
I think I've found it, God give me a sign
Because I don't want to hurt anymore
I just want to end the pain
I don't want to hurt no more
I want to close the door, and end the pain
There's so much to gain... just by ending the pain