New Friend Request

          Every girl goes through heartbreak once or twice. While each occurrence is different, it’s life and something to be dealt with. But Nicole felt she was different. Never did she think that she would be one of the girls who let a break-up affect her so strongly. Since 8th grade, when boys lost their cooties and became a possibility, she told herself that she wouldn’t get so caught up in the game. Whenever a friend came to her in tears because she just dumped her “flavor of the week,” Nicole would do what she could to console her. But at the same time, she kept thinking, “This will never be me.”

          Then that boy came along. His name was Bobby and Nicole couldn’t resist his green eyes and natural charm. A couple of weeks of innocent flirting lead to a date to the movies, which lead to a kiss. From there, it all fell into place. Over time, something developed that Nicole neither wanted nor anticipated, but eventually welcomed. Somehow, after standing on her high horse and blocking out emotion, Bobby got to her heart.

          She knew her feelings for Bobby we’re real, and she knew he felt the same. They loved each other. This scared her, because she knew the consequences of putting so much energy into a new, teenage relationship. She wanted to deny the feeling and believe that it was only lust-driven puppy love, but everything was telling her otherwise.

          All her friends envied what they had. She and Bobby even had a song. When her favorite band, The Verve Pipe began singing “Colorful,” she would think of Bobby and how he made her feel. Life was perfect, or as close as it could get.

          But Bobby slowly started to lose interest, and Nicole noticed. She was scared to bring it up, because she didn’t want what they had to go away over something that could mean nothing. She told herself she could handle a break-up, but she didn’t want it to happen either. Nicole went on pretending for weeks, but eventually her nerves got the better of her. Picking up the phone and calling Bobby seemed harder than it should be, but hearing his voice gave her some reassurance.
He would be at her house soon. The wait on her front porch seemed like hours, but a quick peek at her watch proved that he had arrived in just a few minutes. He kissed her and she smiled with a new confidence in the following conversation. “How are you?” she started.

          Bobby nodded and looked away from her. “I’m good.”

          “Are you sure?”

          “Yep. Why, what’s up?”

          Here we go. “Well, I don’t know. Umm, yeah, so…” she began rambling and losing her train of thought. “So, I’m just wondering if we’re still doing okay. I mean, have you noticed something wrong, or different lately?”

          He wasn’t looking at her and he didn’t say anything. She kept talking, not knowing what else to do. “It’s just that lately we haven’t seen as much of each other and haven’t really talked in a while. I’m just making sure I guess.” Finally, he turned toward her and she smiled at his green eyes. When he broke eye contact and grabbed her hand, all her breath was sucked back inside of her. Looking up again, he broke the silence. “I don’t think we should be together anymore. I hate to do this, but I have to. There’s someone else.”

          That was it, nothing else mattered. Bobby had fallen in love with someone new. Nicole was crushed, and confused. As he got back in his car and drove away, she just sat in silence, going over the conversation. As she let go of the breath she was holding, she knew what to do, but the tears had beat her to it.

          “I can get over it,” she said. As soon as it happened, she called her best friend Lauren. “He’s just a boy, and there will always be others. Really, I’m fine.” It wasn’t true, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit that Bobby had hurt her so badly. Somehow, she felt ashamed. She hated that he got to her, she hated that she was lying to her best friend about it. But mostly she hated that, even after what he did to her, she was still in love with Bobby.

          At first, everyone was “concerned,” or rather just too curious to hold back their questions. All her friends, and even some people she hadn’t spoken to in years, we’re in her face, asking if she was okay and bad-mouthing Bobby left and right. Nicole thought that if she denied her feeling out loud, maybe they would go away. So she gave everyone the same line; “I’m great, it’s no big deal.” Eventually, everyone stopped asking.

          The only person who seemed concerned after everyone else had forgotten about it was Lauren. She was the person who knew Nicole the best, and she knew how strongly she felt about Bobby when they we’re together. “Maybe she knows I’m lying,” Nicole thought. “It wouldn’t surprise me.” As Lauren kept asking the same questions over and over again, Nicole grew frustrated and emotional. The strength she used to hold back her tears was drained out of her. She ran to the bathroom and silently admitted her secret. Lauren knew, and when Nicole finally emerged from the bathroom, all she had to do was let her cry on her shoulder.

          “I’m never falling for another guy again. Ever.”

          A few months after the break-up, school ended. Nicole was ready to be away from school, and away from Bobby. She was sick of always seeing him with Kelly (it had a name!) and she was even more fed up with feeling the way she did about it. Maybe being away from the two of them would help her let go and next semester would run a lot smoother. The first few weeks of summer we’re uneventful, each day filled with re-runs and MySpace comments. But no matter how dull her days became, she still couldn’t stop thinking about Bobby. In the middle of the most mundane activity, she suddenly found herself going over their entire relationship, trying to figure out what she did wrong.

          The time Nicole spent away from people, even Lauren, made very little improvement on her attitude. Every attempt she made to bring her spirits up was quickly shut down, and made her feel worse. Tired of letting this feeling take over her, she finally called Lauren. Losing touch with her best friend was not worth this dumb feeling over a boy. They made plans to hang out at the park the next day and start enjoying the summer. Lauren was aware that “Bobby” was a touchy subject, so she made it a point to stay clear of anything that might upset Nicole. The girls spotted an ice cream truck and decided that some smoothies would hit the spot. As they approached the vendor, Lauren noticed a poster taped to the window. It read:
          “PARTY TONITE! Introducing New Band! B Sure 2 B There!”

          “Nicole, look. This sounds like a lot of fun.” Before Nicole could even agree, or begin to argue, Lauren spoke again. “You and I are going tonight. I don’t want to hear any arguments. We are NOT wasting this summer away.” A nod of the head, three dollars and a smile later, they were on there way to Lauren’s house to decide what to wear. Eager to move on with her life, Nicole never even considered what would happen if Bobby happened to be there.

          Lauren spent the best part of an hour getting ready, making sure everything was perfect. However, Nicole was sitting on the bed waiting for her almost halfway into her beauty routine. “We’re going to a dark party. Why does it matter so much what you look like?” All she got in return was a smirk suggesting that she just didn’t understand the importance. “Figures,” Nicole thought to herself.

          Even from down the block, Nicole could hear the music blaring. The closer she and Lauren got to the building, the more excited she became. As they entered the crowded space, she could feel the bass pumping at her feet. Alcohol and sweat perfumed the air. Right away, two became three as a friend of Lauren’s joined them and lead them to the front of the audience. They we’re placed right by the speakers and Nicole could barely hear even the people next to her screaming and cheering with music. Already, Lauren became attached to her “male-friend” and left Nicole with nothing to do but look around. Her wondering eyes noticed a bowl of punch sitting on a table across the room.

          The travel from the dance floor to the food took longer than it should, but Nicole finally squeezed out of the crowd and poured herself a glass. As she took a drink, she turned her head back toward the dance floor. Immediately, someone caught her eye. She recognized the boy from school, what was his name? They performed the teenage mating ritual of looking at each other and quickly looking away with a smile, and repeated it several times before he finally headed toward her. She decided to meet him halfway and he, without even introducing himself, asked Nicole if she wanted to dance.

          For the slightest second, she hesitated, thinking, “This is how it starts. An innocent dance can trigger the chain of events.” As quickly as the thought came, she shook it out of her head. “It’s just dancing, no harm in that at all.” Without answering, she took his hand and led him to the dance floor, meeting up with Lauren and her date.

          The four of them spent the next 20 minutes dancing and laughing, just enjoying each other’s company. Nicole and the new boy, whose name was Michael, she found out, we’re smiling at each other all night as they we’re dancing. Then, the time came for a slow dance. The band took a break and played a CD in the huge sound system. A soft piano melody started flowing through the speakers. Feeling a little awkward, Nicole stood still, waiting for Michael to make his move. He responded and pulled her closer by the waist; she retaliated by wrapping her arms around his neck.

          The closeness welcomed new conversation and the two of them began talking. In the midst of discussion, she managed to get his phone number, but told herself that she wouldn’t need it. By the time she looked away from him, she noticed the band making their way back to the stage. She looked back at him and he smiled. “Nice smile,” she thought, “but don’t let it fool you.” The band plugged in their instruments, turned off the stereo and began playing without introduction. The first few chords on acoustic guitar were all too familiar and Nicole shivered; the band began playing “Colorful.” Michael noticed her sudden change; “Is something wrong?” he asked.

          “Oh, it’s okay. I’m just…” She was interrupted by the sharp, uncontrollable breathe she took. The moment she looked over Michael’s shoulder, she saw him. Bobby and Kelly we’re slow dancing only a few feet away; dancing, they way he and Nicole used to.

          They made eye contact, and when Nicole realized that Bobby was looking at her, she grew scared. She pushed Michael out of the way and forced herself through the crowd of dancers. Lauren’s eyes followed Nicole, then immediately turned toward Michael. A slight shift in his position revealed to Lauren the reason of her best friend’s sudden departure. She looked at Bobby, who looked back with sympathy. Lauren shook her head with disgust, and then turned to follow Nicole.

          She found her curled up on a bench outside of the building. The cold wind already stung her face as she slowly made her way over to Nicole. Lauren didn’t know what to say, but she wanted to be there for her friend. She thought of all the times she had run to Nicole with these same boy problems and how just a simple hug was sometimes enough. That’s exactly what she did; she hugged her best friend and hoped it would help. After a few seconds, Nicole angrily broke the silence. “I HATE THIS! Why do I feel this way? He wasn’t doing anything wrong in there, but I feel so betrayed.” Frustrated and tired, she buried her face in her chilled hands.

          Nicole and Lauren both looked up when they heard the new set of footsteps. Bobby was heading toward them. Ashamed that he saw her crying, she hid her face again. Lauren stood defensively, asking “What do you want?”

          “I need to talk to Nicole. Can you please go back inside for a few minutes?”

          Nicole joined them, and mirrored the request. “Go back to the party and have fun. I’ll be back inside soon.” Lauren took a few seconds, then gave her friend a hug and headed back inside.

          A simple ‘hello’ from each began the conversation. After that, neither party responded. Finally, he began. “So, how have you been?”

          “I’ll be honest, I’ve been better, Bobby.”

          “Yeah, I know. Me too.” What? Nicole was surprised to hear that everything wasn’t “oh-so-perfect.” Grabbing her hand and gesturing that they sit down, he continued. “I think I made a mistake. Things with Kelly just aren’t what I thought they would be. She’s…” he trailed of.

          “She’s not what?” Nicole replied coldly.

          He looked her in the eyes, and she could feel her heart rate increase. He looked at apologetically, as if he we’re begging for a second chance. When he began stroking her hand with his thumb, she started to give in. “She’s not you.”
This is exactly what Nicole had wished for him to say ever since the first time she saw him with Kelly and she went home crying because of it. It was also what she was she was scared to death of falling for again. Before the smile that was tickling at the corner of her mouth could take full affect, he kissed her.

          The kiss was warm and relaxed. Nicole felt uncomfortable, but as they continued, she couldn’t help but close her eyes and relinquish. As his hand moved toward her face, she felt like she had finally gotten what she wanted and everything would be okay.

          Finally, they parted. They looked at each other, and they both smiled. Nicole couldn’t help but smile; this is all she has wanted for so long. Her hands began to quiver and she knew her voice would be shaky, so she calmed herself down before speaking. “How did Kelly take the news? She must be really upset.”

          When Bobby’s smile disappeared and he looked toward his feet, he whispered, “She still thinks we’re dating. I haven’t told her yet.” Nicole’s heart sank. She turned away from him, but he moved in front of her and forced her to look at him. Bobby’s eyes met hers again. “But I will, tonight. I promise, and then we can give this another try.”

          Nicole didn’t know what to think. How was she supposed to believe him? Bobby was the boy who broke her heart. But as he kissed her again, she forced herself to believe him. She decided it was time to go home, but when he offered a ride, she opted for walking. She went inside to grab her jacket and say good-bye to Lauren. As she walked away, she noticed Michael in the corner. He waved at her and gave her a quick smile; she did the same.

          The next morning, after talking for hours to Lauren about what happened with Bobby, Nicole was still exhausted. All night, she talked to her best friend, constantly questioning if she was doing the right thing. Lauren didn’t agree with her decision to give Bobby another chance, but she was always there to support her friend.

          After finally hanging up the phone, Nicole went to sleep, thinking of Bobby. But she wasn’t smiling. Instead, she was simply thinking, about everything. When she woke up, she wasn’t sure what to feel. She was supposed to be happy, because she got what she wanted from him. But a little thought was always pushing through the big picture, something that had bothered her all last night and kept her from sleeping for hours. He never apologized. Not once did he say he was sorry for going behind her back with another girl. Nicole questioned if he even realized what he did, or if he felt sorry for it.

          After eating breakfast and deciding that there was nothing good to watch on TV, Nicole thought of checking her e-mail and MySpace account. As she opened her inbox and saw more new messages than usual, she was relieved to find that not one was from Kelly. Nicole didn’t want to deal with her this early in the morning. She got a few messages from random people she saw at the party. Some mentioned the new boy she was dancing with all night, some brought up the fact that they saw her talking with Bobby. Even Lauren sent her an e-mail telling her how happy she was that things we’re working out for her.

          Reading the messages took only a few minutes. She didn’t respond to any except Lauren’s. The rest she could forget about. After finishing, she opened the Internet browser and brought up her MySpace homepage. Only one thing was waiting for her; she had a New Friend Request. Clicking on the blue boldfaced text revealed that Bobby wanted to add her to his list of friends. Normally, she would accept without any hesitation. However, right now, the circumstances we’re different. This small, meaningless gesture forced her to make a decision. Was she going to live her life in sadness as she watched Bobby live his life without her? Or was she going to give the boy who broke her heart a chance to pour salt on the wound?

          She came to a decision, and softly giggled at the thought, “Was there really any other choice?” As Nicole clicked the button that would deny Bobby’s request, a weight was lifted off her shoulders. A cleansing breath and a smile reassured her that this was the right way to go. No boy is given the right to make her feel this way, but she wouldn’t let it define her and take control. Nicole realized that not every boy is a “Bobby.” She knew one day she would find the one that was worth it. The she thought, “In fact, I may already have.” After her personal victory, she walked to the kitchen counter and picked up the phone. A few seconds later, she spoke.

          “Hi! Is Michael there?”