Endless sky ; Chapters 15 - 20

Chapter 15

         James followed Jared’s direction to the restaurant he worked at, but they still ended up getting lost and had to turn around twice, finally they found the place and pulled into the parking lot. Kinsey was filled with mix emotions, on one hand she was terrified to learn the truth on why Jarred didn’t fulfill his promise and one exactly had taken place that day and on the other she was excited to learn the truth, to share her experiences on what had happened after they had been separated and to learn what had been going on with him since that day. One thing she knew for certain was that nothing or no one would separate them again; she vowed to stay in touch with him and his children, regardless of what Melody had to say about it. Kinsey quickly got out of the car as soon as James’ turned it off, and waited as James’ joined her at the doors leading inside the restaurant. They were surprised to see Jarred leaning against the host’s booth, he waved them inside and they followed him back to his office.

Once inside his seemly large office, he gently closed the door behind them and motioned for both Kinsey and James to take seats on the overly stuffed couch near a big window with a great view. They took seats, and Jarred offered apologies for not being able to talk openly at his house earlier that day, “Melody, knows some of my past but not all and she doesn’t understand, maybe she never will” he said sadly. He nodded towards James, “Has she told you everything?” he questioned him, James shrugged, “she told me a lot, I don’t know if it was everything,” he finally stated. “It was everything” she quietly lied, she knew in her heart that there was some stuff she left out, things that happened after her fathers death, after mikes death but before she left town but even Jarred didn’t know those things, maybe one day she’d tell them both she promised herself, maybe that day should be today. “I just want to make sure, not to have you be shocked or surprised, that everything is out in the open, I can just talk,” he said, nodding in their direction.

“Carissa, I mean Kinsey, I’m sure you have questions for me as I defiantly have questions for you, would you like to ask first or should I?” Jarred asked, Kinsey took a deep breath, “You may call me Carissa, it was my given name and I feel much closer to you, if you call me Carissa. Maybe you should start with the questions, as I have only one important question to ask you and some unimportant questions” she replied. “Alright, I heard from a neighbor that our father died, they neighbor said that the police believed suicide, but there were rumors of murder, which is the truth?” he asked, Kinsey replied with the story of the night her father died and surprisingly Jarred didn’t look shocked at all, “I’m not surprised” he said after a moment. “Have you been back to the house since his death?” he asked, she nodded, “Twice, the first time when I was released from the hospital and the second a few months ago. Have you?” she asked, She watched her brother look saddened before he nodded, she was shocked, “when?” “About a year ago, I was in a neighboring town on business and I drove there and sat outside the house in my car, for about an hour, my head flooded with memories,” he answered. “Did you go inside?” she asked, he shook his head “I started to but just as I reached for the doorknob, I decided against it and basically hightailed it back to my hotel”. “Now it’s your turn, what do you want to know?” he asked her, already knowing the answer.

She waited for a moment thinking of how to phrase the important question on her mind, she didn’t want him to know she had been eavesdropping on the conversation that his wife and he had, earlier at their house. After a moment, she blurted the question out, “why did you break your promise Jarred, why didn’t you come back for me?” she looked in his eyes waiting for the answer, to a question that had haunted her silently for the last 5 years, a question that in order to fully put the past behind her and move on to be with James, she needed an answer to. Jarred leaned back and closed his eyes, then took a breath before he began to tell the story of what went on that day.

“First of all“, Jarred stated taking Kinsey’s left hand in his before continuing, “You need to know that I did come back for you“. Kinsey simply nodded tears shown in her eyes, she leaned back in her seat, close to James and the two of them waited for Jarred to explain what happened that day.

Chapter 16

         “I left Florida, at the apartment I shared with my girlfriend, at the time, Sheridan and we both drove, taking turns, non stop to New York. Sheridan knew all of my past and it lay heavy on her heart as I explained two days before your eighteenth birthday what I had to do, what I promised to do. She understood, she understood me in away that no one ever has before and no one has since. When we passed the sign welcoming us to town, I felt such a heavy feeling of doom but I made a promise and I was going to make sure that I at least tried to full-fill that promise. We passed the neighborhoods that I had seen a million times but everything looked so different, I felt like an unwelcome visitor, like I didn't belong. Sheridan and I traded places and I said a quick prayer to protect her, and me then I drove to the house. At the house, Father stood on the porch, it was as if, he knew I was to come and rescue you that day. I parked the car, Kissed Sheridan and told her that whatever happened to stay in the safeness of the car, she whispered that he couldn't hurt be anymore, that I was a man now and I remember saying that she didn't know my father“.

“I got out of the car and casually walked up the sidewalk to the house, before I could take more then 5 steps, I heard his voice, He told me to go back home and that, I couldn't save you again, that you were his and I was no longer his son. I ignored his words and tried to push past him, to get in to the house, he pushed me away and stated he would call the police and have me arrested if I didn't leave. I told him to go ahead, I stared straight into his eyes and told him to go for it. I watched him reach into his pocket and he pulled out a knife, my eyes widened enough to show him I was scared but I wasn't. I knew I had grown taller then him and my strength, not only physically but mentally was greater then his own. I stood my ground, told him that you, Carissa were free to leave, as you were of age and I was your ride. When he saw that I wasn't going to back down, he ran, yes let me repeat that, ran inside the house, slammed the door shut and locked it. I had failed, but I wasn't going to give up“.

“I stood on the lawn staring at the door wondering what my next plan of attack was, and that’s when I glanced up at your bedroom window and I saw you, I don't think that you saw me, but I saw you. You were staring out the window, both hands on the glass as you were patiently waiting for someone's arvial, for me. There was a look of hope on your face but your eyes shown with fear as well. You looked as if you had been standing there all day, then I saw one tear drop from your eyes defeat now showed on your face. I watched you turn away from the window, I stared at your window, waiting for you to return, waiting for you to see me but you didn't.

I looked back at the car, Sheridan stared at me, tears in her eyes as they fixed upon mine and I knew that she had seen you too. There was nothing more that I could do, so I retreated back to the car and told Sheridan we would go to one of my childhood friend's houses, to plan our next attack. She nodded and asked if I wanted her to drive, I shook my head and told her I was okay but inside a piece of my heart was dying. I knew I had to get you out of there. Sheridan and I drove to Marks new apartment, He shared with his wife. Mark, Sheridan and I sat around his kitchen table as we made plans. The next day, Sheridan stayed behind to shop with Christine, Marks wife, while Mark and I made our way over to fathers but when we got there, the house was dark, Your window was dark. A neighbor came over to mark and me, she said that an accident had taken place the night before and the house was completely empty. I asked her where you were and she said she didn’t know, but she did know that they house was currently empty and would be for a long time.”

“Since then I have prayed that you got out safely and now I see that you have” he said looking at her. Kinsey could do nothing but nod and look at her older brother, she tried to speak but she couldn’t put the words together in a way that they would make sense. She glanced at James who had remained quiet through out the whole exchange, she thought she saw tears in his eyes but quickly brushed the thought away.

For the first time since they had been in Jared’s office, did Kinsey turn and really looks into her older brothers eyes and reached for his hand. “Promise me that you will keep in touch this time” she stated gently her eyes never leaving his. “Yes” Jarred said, while nodding, “I will keep in touch, you are the only family I have left” there was a drop of sadness in his voice, Kinsey thought.


Chapter 17

         It had been less then two hours since Kinsey and James left Jared’s office but it seemed like mere minutes had passed, all the information Kinsey had learned from Jarred swam around in her head. One sentence flashed continuelessly, “He came back for me”. Kinsey and James had been driving around the quiet suburban neighborhoods, looking at the Christmas decorations that some families had already put up. Kinsey tried to lead a normal conversation with him but she could tell that something was bothering him, she had an idea what it was, it had to do with the last serious conversation they had when he hadn’t answered her questions, He had ignored her. She had been quiet about the whole ordeal since her family was the issue at hand, but now that, that was out of the way, she still needed an answer.

She leaned back in her seat; her head against the headrest as she tried to think of a better way to phrase the question at hand, obviously her phrasing of the question in the past hadn’t worked in her favor. She stole a glance at him while she was thinking; his eyes were staring straight, quietly focused on the road ahead. Hands gripped the steering wheel, it was unusual for him to drive that way, and he only drove that way when he was upset. He didn’t even acknowledge her presence, it upset her in a way but she felt he was doing it on purpose. Instead of trying to get inside his head, she focused her attention out the passenger side window, at the row of houses they were driving past. He would talk to her when he was ready, she silently decided.

“You don’t know how hard this on me” James stated bluntly, “Huh” Kinsey said, she was not following, especially since James continued to stare out the window. Kinsey could see James’ grip on the steering wheel had tightened. Without a second thought he sharply turned the wheel and pulled over to the side of the road, Kinsey’s eyes widened. James turned the car off and put his head in his hands, Kinsey simply stared at him in shock, unable to speak, unable to move. After a moment, James turned to her; she could see he had tears in his eyes. She took a deep breath, she had no clue what to say to him, things were different, much different then they had been.

“You don’t know how hard this is on me,” James repeated; his previous statement, this time, however he looked directly into Kinsey’s eyes. She was still unsure of what he meant by that statement, she wasn’t sure how she should respond, so she did the only way she could think of. “What do you mean?” she politely asked. His eyes widened at her question, as if he couldn’t possibly understand why she had to ask such a thing. “Why do I even bother?” he said quietly turning away from her. She reached for his hand; he moved it further towards the window out of her reach. Kinsey had, had it; she had been quiet far to long. It was only a matter of time before she exploded; she had to say what needed to be said. She grabbed his arm and forced him to look at her, a look of surprise bare his face now. “You’re crazy” he simply stated, angry tears burned her eyes but the grip she had on his arm didn’t lessen. “I’m crazy, I’m crazy” she spat out at him, “How do you expect me to me, how? You have no clue who I am, you have no clue how much shit I have had to deal with” she yelled at him.


He released her grip on his arm with his other hand and pulled it away from her, He turned to look at her once more before starting the car. “You know what, it’s alright. You’re right, I don’t understand and I never will, so how about tomorrow we go our separate ways and you can go back to NC to work with Jeff in his club and I’ll go back to my parents and we never have to talk again, ever” He said, as he pulled the car back on the thruway. She slammed her hand down on the seat, “fine if that’s how you want it, I hate you, I hate that I ever took a chance on you”, “I should have known,” she said quietly as she turned her eyes away from his and leaned her head against the window.

Kinsey breathed in deeply as they pulled up into a local motel parking lot, which looked familiar, that’s when she realized that this was the same one that James and her had been at the year before. “Just a year ago” she muttered quietly to herself, “what was that?” James asked looking at her. Kinsey closed her eyes, “Nothing” she said shaking her head. She reached for his hand but he didn’t give her the satisfaction, he walked ahead of her towards the office. She sighed and followed behind of him.


Chapter 18

         Kinsey leaned back against the bed; both her and James decided to stay the night in a motel rather then return to his parent’s house. She knew that she had a lot of explaining to do to both his parents, but too much had happened that day, to much she had to think about. Besides, Her and James had to finish the talk they started in the car, the heated debate that they had gotten into. The one that ended in, “I hate you”, she didn’t mean it, and she was just still confused. She glanced around the room but James was no where to be found, “Not again” she silently pleaded, she was scared…scared that he had taken the car and run away again. She checked the bathroom, he wasn’t there. She heard scattered whispering; she looked around and quietly crept to the doorway. She saw him sitting on the porch, his cell phone, pressed against his ear as he spoke in low tones. She stared at him, wondering who he could possibly be talking to and then she heard him say goodbye to the mystery person, the words he said almost brought tears to Kinsey’s eyes, “Goodbye, Carrie, thanks for the talk“.

Kinsey hurried back to the bed and curled up on her side; she pulled the covers over her head and pretended to be asleep. She closed her eyes tightly but she could feel tears building behind her eyelids, insane thoughts flooded within her head and she tried her hardest to push them back. One question burned inside her head, “who the fuck is Carrie?” she wondered but she didn’t want to ask, she didn’t want him to know she had been eavesdropping on what she was sure was a private conversation. She felt the bed moves as he got in besides her, “are you awake” she heard him quietly ask. She didn’t move, she didn’t answer, she was scared what her words would be if she had answered. She heard him sigh and she thought she was home free, that she could be alone with her insane thoughts.

“Kinsey” James whispered as he curled up against her, his arm slid around her, his body was pushed up against hers. She was happy for a moment, but then she remembered the phone call that she had heard, mere minutes earlier and her body tightened up, she couldn’t control it. A sob escaped her body, as she lost herself in the thoughts of him and Carrie, together, she wasn’t sure who Carrie was and what she looked like, but she could imagine and she knew if he felt he needed to hide, this girl from her, it couldn’t be good for them. Her head told her, he was with her at that moment but it also brought memories of the argument they had, in the car ride over here and the things he had said. She rolled over and pushed his hand off of her body, “what’s wrong with you?” He asked gently. She couldn’t help it, she let the words slip out before she could stop them, “I heard your phone call,” she stated bitterly before she rolled over, leaving him speechless.

Kinsey’s eyes were closed but she wasn’t sleeping, how could she sleep when she had so much on her mind. Wasn’t her talk with her brother who she hadn’t seen since she was 16, 8 years ago, quite enough for one day. Apparently to James it wasn’t, He had to bring on his drama too, she didn’t get him. She thought he came to NC because he wanted her back, but everything was a game to him and she was tired of games. Her head ached; she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.


Chapter 19

         Kinsey woke with a start and shook her head; she smiled to herself as she remembered the dream she had. Her and James had gotten married; she closed her eyes savoring the thought of being his wife. She knew in her heart it was just a dream, It wouldn’t come true as she hoped; she needed to stop pretending, stop playing house with him. Maybe she did need to go back to NC, back to the club, back to a time when everything made sense to her. She looked to her left and saw James still sound asleep.

Quietly she got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, where she stood in front of the full-length mirror and stared at herself.

When she emerged James was up and dressed, he sat on the bed staring at the wall, she stared at him wondering what had happened to them. “I’m sorry, about last night,” He said still staring at the wall, his words startled her. She was still angry, she didn’t try to hide it in her words, “what about last night, the fight or the phone call?” she asked looking at him, He turned to face her, “everything” he replied quietly. Kinsey didn’t know what to say to him anymore, she brushed past him and grabbed her coat and the car keys, she started for the door but James grabbed her arm and forced her to stand still. “Talk to me” he pleaded with her, she shook her head, “it’s 11 AM, and check out time is now unless you want to pay for another day”. Again she started for the door, “Maybe we should” he said quietly, “we need to have talk, about all of this”. “Lets just go, we can talk in the car,” she said quietly, she waited until he grabbed his coat and then followed him to the car.

She walked slowly behind him, going over her words carefully in her head as they reached the car parked in the now empty parking lot. James leaned up against the side of the car, making no moves to open his door and get in. She silently walked over to him and stopped directly in front of him, “I have something to tell you” she stated quietly. He stared at her for a moment before speaking, “I have something to tell you too, but you go first”. She looked down at the ground, then while looking directly in his eyes, she blurted out, “I’m pregnant”. He didn’t speak at first, and when he did, his voice shook “We’ll deal with this” he said while taking her in his arms.

Kinsey closed her eyes tightly while she was in James arms, savoring the moment just as she savored the dream she had. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach that what he had to tell her was not good news and she wondered if she had not blurted out the news she had right when she did, she’d be dealing with the pregnancy all alone. Regardless of the situation at hand, she needed to know, she had so many questions, that she needed answered and she wanted to know before they could continue whatever relationship they had left, if any. Slowly she backed away from James, away from the security of his arms and brought her eyes up to his face, she took a deep breath and asked her question. “James, what did you have to tell me?” He simply stared at her for a few minutes, before shaking his head and placing his arm around her, “You know, it’s not even important anymore” he said silently leading her to the passenger side of the car and opening her door.

Kinsey simply nodded, knowing that she needed the truth before she could trust him again but also knowing that apparently she needed to force it out of him and now just wasn’t the time.


Chapter 20

         In her forth month of pregnancy, Kinsey could feel the tension, not only in the house but also in her own relationship. James never did tell her what he had to say that day, the day she broke the news to him and she could tell it was eating away at him. At this point, it had been eating away at her; the fear of not knowing was driving her insane. She had tried to bring the issue up, on more then one occasion and each time, he brushed it away, saying it was no longer important. She was scared to death he wanted to break up that day, this time for good and she was deathly afraid that after their child was born, he would have the chance.

Lost in her thoughts Kinsey sat on the couch, simply staring at the blank television set in front of her, unaware that James had even entered the room, let alone settled down next to her. She felt him touch her arm and without thinking, she jerked it away, her thoughts had taken her over. He looked at her shocked that she would be so indifferent towards him, especially after all they had been through together, since the day he found out that she was pregnant, he done everything he could to prove his love for her but she still didn’t trust him. “What do you want from me?” he asked her bluntly, It was at the moment she turned to face him and spoke to him in such a matter that he could truly see how angry she was with him and the entire situation. “I want the truth, I want to know exactly what you had to tell me, that day, so I can move on,” she shouted. He grabbed her arm, “so you can move on?” he repeated, He looked at her but she turned away from his glaring eyes.

While staring out the window she started to speak, her voice barely above a whisper, “I don’t know you anymore, you’re so different from when we were NC and maybe, I don’t know, maybe I never really knew you. Since we have been back you have so many secrets, I have walked in on you making secret phone calls on more then one occasion and you won’t tell me who your speaking to, you say it’s not important but if you feel you need to hide, then obviously you don’t want me to find out about this other girl”. It was that moment that she spun around to face him, her eyes were filled with anger and against her better judgment she continued to confront him with all the bottled up emotions that she had been holding in for the past 5 months. “How can you love me if your holding in secrets, I don’t have any secrets, you know all my secrets” she shouted, slamming her hand down on the coffee table next to her. James started to speak but she silenced him with her hand slamming into coffee table once more, he jumped at the sound generally shocked at her behavior.

“It’s my turn now, You’ll have your chance to talk when I’m finished” she spat at him, In his head he silently thanked God that his parents and cousin were out of town for the weekend and were not home to witness his girlfriend acting like a nutcase. He was scared to death of what she was going to do, he didn’t know her anymore, and He didn’t know what she capable of. He decided he could take her if he had to, he casually glanced around the room for weapons that she could reach and he saw none, he breathed a sign of relief. He waited patiently for the question he knew was going to come, he was surprised she had waited 5 months to ask him especially since he knew she heard the phone calls. There was nothing he could do, he couldn’t hide it anymore, and she had to know the truth.

“I have questions,” she stated after a moment, “I need you to truthfully answer these questions” she glanced at him for some sign that he understood, He looked afraid but he nodded. He looked at her, she seemed to be thinking how to phrase the questions or in which order to ask the questions, “Who is Carrie” she finally asked after a moment. He leaned back against the seat, seemingly thinking of how to answer the question, the moment of complete silence was to long for her, she exploded. “Just answer the fucking question, don’t try to make up stories now” she spat out at him. He looked at her, an unreadable expression bare his face, “She’s just a friend, Kinsey,” he finally said. She looked unconvinced, “If she was just a friend, why the secret phone calls, why the secrets, why did I hear you tell her that you wished she was your girl and not me,” she screamed at him. He looked confused, like he had no idea what she was talking about but she knew what she had heard. She stared at him and he looked at her, before glancing to the floor. He replied in a quiet voice, she had to strain to make out what he was saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you but sometimes I just can’t deal and you make it so hard to deal, and I just need someone to talk to” he said. “Are you cheating on me with her?” she asked, He shook his head. “Have you cheated on me?” she asked, she looked in his eyes and she knew that he had, he didn’t need to speak, and He didn’t need to say yes. Her anger slightly faded, and tears started to build in her eyes, “with her?” she croaked out, he nodded. “With anyone else?” she asked, he shook his head. She started to get up but he grabbed her arm, “Kinsey, it was just one time, I swear on my life, it was just one time and it was a mistake,” he cried out. “One time, is one time to many and you, maybe you were my mistake” she said as she walked out of the room, tears streaming down her face and no clue how she was supposed to deal with all this.