Fighting Demons

Fighting demons

Truths flash
disguised in memories
and my breath steals away
in the wanting of those things
that I turned from
or just watched fade

I’m sick,
disgust
warping my ability
to adjust
or rectify

I never knew how weak I was
until I saw what had become

And I’d never imagined
I possessed the strength
to pull myself out of quicksand like this

God knows I’m scared
of the voices in my mind
that call me farther back
into their playground of lies
and complacency
isolate me
feed me apathy
tell me I’m a victim
box me in
four walls,
bottom,
lid
twist me
waste me
put blinders on me so I can’t see

Questioning so many past decisions,
I’m floundering without my convictions
mourning loss

And I’m stir crazy
hungry
desperate for something new
and clarity
something tells me only my depths can redeem me

Wake me up,
I’ve been asleep
fighting demons in my dreams.