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Rated: 18+ · Script/Play · Comedy · #1271542
God, if he exists, is not good.
          Notes for the readers:

          1. Translation to Serbian was substituted with English, for
          readers convenience

          2. This is a draft version. I'm aware of some inconsistence
          but feel free to criticize honestly.

          3. This is not a shooting script, so there is no indication
          of shoots and camera angles, even though I mention them in
          the project description.

         

         

         

         

         

         

                      "TEN"

         

         

          FADE IN:

          EXT. RIVER - DAY (KOSOVO)

          "I am the Lord thy God."

          The Fall day is humid, but gray clouds have blocked out the
          sun. The FATHER, a middle aged gentleman dressed in his best
          church suit, stands few meters from the bank of  the calm
          river, holding his year-old SON. Two armed with AK-47
          automatic rifles guards are seen in the distance . A gypsy
          brass band is playing "Ederlezi". On the bank of the river
          sits a white home goose.

          A PRIEST, wearing ceremonial robes, sprinkles some water on the baby's forehead.

                              PRIEST
                        (in Serbian, subtitled)
                    ...In the Name of the Father, the
                    Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen!
          FATHER'S P.O.V.

          As the FATHER lifts his SON toward the sky the sunshine
          breaks through the storm clouds creating an angelic aura
          around the baby.

          There is a sound of celebratory gunfire. A flock of white
          wild gees scares away. (transition to animation) The camera
          follows the home goose. It fly into the clouds following the
          flock. But at one point it turns into the West.

          EXT. - COUNTRYSIDE - DAY (CANADA)

          (animation continued) The Spring Sunday is bright and sunny,
          but the northern wind is a constant reminder that the Winter
          months are barely behind them. A black car driving down a
          country highway in the Waterloo Region of Ontario. The goose flies
          down from the sky and follows the car. The car pulls over as
          the engine stalls. The goose passes the car and lower down,
          preparing for landing. It lands on the road.

          INT. - CAR - DAY

          "1. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me."

          Balkan gypsy music is playing on the black Dodge truck stereo.
          An AROMATIZER in the shape of a STONE TABLET hangs from the
          rear-view mirror. The SON, a twenty-something youth with
          typical Slavic features sits in the driver's seat. He wears
          WHITE clothes. His movements resemble those of a clumsy
          teenager. He chews a chewing gum. The FATHER, now in his
          sixties, sits calmly in the passenger seat. He is dressed in
          the same suit that he wore tho his son's christening, but
          the years have faded the fabric. He is also wearing an
          elegant black coat and a black fedora, and he nonchalantly
          lights a long white CIGARETTE. After a long, deep drag, he
          coughs heavily. An old-fashioned BLACK BRIEFCASE sits on his
          lap, upon which he protectively lays his right hand. The
          FATHER and the SON speak Serbian to one another.

                              SON (O.S.)
                        (in Serbian)
                    American pile of shit! Is it
                    possible that the battery croaked
                    already?

          The SON switches off the radio. The FATHER presses the RADIO
          button on the stereo controls, but nothing is heard. For a
          few seconds both the SON's and the FATHER's hands are
          positioned such as in Michelangelo's THE CREATION. The
          display flickers the track name "ONE - G.OD RADIO" briefly,
          which almost immediately changes into "ONE - GOOD RADIO".
          The FATHER fiddles with the controls, but no sound is heard
          from the speakers. He turns the stereo off.

                              FATHER (O.S.)
                    You have no luck. How did you
                    manage to escape that crap back
                    home without "grinning from ear to
                    ear"...

          The FATHER motions his thumb across his throat. He spits three
          times superstitiously over the left shoulder.

                              FATHER
                    Your grandfather, may he rest in
                    peace, built his first car with his
                    own hands. He named it Miloš.
                        (coughing heavily)
                    It was back in '52, when nobody had
                    a car!

                              SON
                        (stiffly)
                    I would rather take it to a
                    mechanic. I believe in Progress!

                              FATHER
                    All it takes is one little nuclear
                    "pufff"... And the mankind will be
                    climbing trees again...

                              SON
                    Come on! I don't give a shit about
                    cars.
                   
                        (after a pause)
                    Maybe it ran out of gas?

                              FATHER
                    You're using 87 octane, aren't you?
                    When I was your age and when I had
                    no money, not unlike yourself now,
                    I used to do the same. I took this beautiful
                    goddess out once on my motorbike
                    and... never came back!

                              SON
                    So that's how mom got stuck with
                    you right from the beginning.

                              FATHER
                        (ignoring SON's comment)
                    Maybe it's the oil? Do you change
                    THE OIL regularly?

                              SON
                    I've never changed it.

                              FATHER
                    What do you mean you've NEVER
                    changed it?

                              SON
                    Well, I've gone less than ten
                    thousand kilometers so it's statistically
                    improbable that...

                              FATHER
                        (interrupting SON)
                    Then the black cat must have
                    crossed our road.

                              SON
                    I've only seen a white goose. The
                    goose doesn't bring bad luck, does
                    she?

                              FATHER
                    Who knows... You see, here in
                    Canada the cars either do not work or
                    you need to be an engineer just to
                    start it. I have a much more
                    reliable Russian Lada Niva, built
                    like a tank. The model is older
                    than you are and I could repair it with
                    nothing but chewing gum. But... You
                    always DID want to commute to work
                    by horse...

                              SON
                    I was sick of the the poverty, and
                    the hunger! I wanted to move to Mongolia
                    to become a Buddhist monk.

                              FATHER
                    Buddhists do not believe in God!

                              SON
                    Neither do...
                   

          A WHITE CAR approaches from the distance, catching the SON's attention.

                                                        CUT TO :


          EXT. SIDE OF A COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

          The SON jumps out of the car trying to flag down the approaching
          vehicle, but to no avail. The car's license plate reads: ONE
          111.

                              SON
                        (Under his breath)
                    Fascist motherfucker!

          The SON opens the hood of the car. He looks inside. A nearby
          WHITE ROAD SIGN reads: "SERVICE STATION 11KM". A WHITE GOOSE
          sits by the sign.

          FATHER looks at the black suitcase on his knees. He opens it slowly
          and glimpse at a gun inside. Then he slowly takes it out.
          Son cannot see him from behind the open hood.

                              SON
                        (in English)
                    What if I forgot to fill up...?

          Son closes the hood rapidly. The SOUND of closing hood
          frightens the goose and it flies away. FATHER closes the
          suitcase immediately and stick his head out of the window.

                              FATHER
                        (in Serbian)

                             
                    What?

                              SON
                        (loud, in Serbian)
                    I might have forgotten to fill up!

          The FATHER gets out of the vehicle.

                              FATHER
                    Do you mean that you might have
                    forgotten to fill up?

                              SON
                    I hate doing it. I always feel as
                    if though I'm filling up with the
                    blood of Arab children...

          In the meantime a horse-drawn carriage slowly approaches
          from the distance. The FATHER re-enters the car, where he
          prepares his camcorder in hurry and begins to videotape the
          incoming carriage.
          CAMCORDER P.O.V.

          The SON waves to the DRIVER of the carriage. The carriage stops
          and the DRIVER dismounts. He is a Mennonite in his forties,
          dressed in typical Mennonite garb. He has a full grown black
          beard. He notices that the FATHER is filming him with the
          camcorder and waves his hand with disapproval. The FATHER
          continues to film, but his attention shifts to the carriage,
          where five children (two pre-teen boys, and three younger
          girls) are sitting. The children exit the carriage.

                              SON
                    Dad! Cut it out! Or we will never
                    get out of this hell.

          INT. CAR - DAY - LATER

          "2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God

          The FATHER and SON are seated in the car again. The
          MENNONITE's five CHILDREN sit in the back. The oldest boy,
          JOSHUA, plays a counting rhyme game pointing at his siblings
          one by one.

                              JOSHUA
                    Eeny, meeny, miney, moe Catch the
                    LORD GOD by the toe If he hollers
                    let him go, Eeny, meeny, miney,
                    moe.

          Children burst out laughing when the youngest girl gets "chosen".
          They play the game over and over again just changing the
          roles.

                              FATHER
                    Good God! It reminds me of your
                    grandfather's village where the
                    women used to have at least ten
                    children each... Do you ever think
                    about the pleasure of having a son?

          The FATHER removes an old leather wallet from his coat
          pocket and pulls out a faded black and white photograph
          showing him wearing a partisan uniform with a rifle on his
          shoulder. His wife and their seven children are standing
          beside him by the Lada. The oldest son (eight years of age)
          looks at his father with pride and respect, and perhaps a
          bit of amusement. The photography slowly fades of, leaving
          the paper blank.

                              FATHER (CONT'D, O.S.)
                    See how you looked at me... I was
                    like a God to you...

          The SON pays no attention to the photograph.

                              SON
                    The Earth is overpopulated. And I'm
                    not yet ready to sacrifice the unbearable
                    lightness of my being... Especially
                    taking my job into account.

                              FATHER
                    Lord save me, you've already lost
                    your cultural identity! You don't even
                    have a gun, do you? No
                    self-respecting girl will ever go
                    out with a guy who cannot keep her
                    safe!
                        (after a pause)
                    I understand you though... I'm also
                    not attracted to non-Slavic girls.

                              SON
                    Dad! I swear to God, that is some
                    shit...

                              FATHER
                    Stop swearing!

                              SON
                    G..osh! This is a paradise for
                    male! Do you know how many famous
                    modeling agencies can be found in
                    Toronto?

                              FATHER
                    Slavic goddesses are the best, and
                    that's that!
                        (humming some Russian pop song
                        about girls)

                              SON
                    You'll see... tonight! I swear I
                    will show you two hundred and
                    twenty two amazing goddesses, of
                    all races!

                              FATHER
                    Sure... But why "only" two hundred
                    and twenty two?

                              SON
                    Why not?! OK, maybe just two
                    hundred, if I exclude possible
                    transsexuals... My Facebook account
                    is full of them!

                              FATHER
                    Facebook? All Christians??

                              SON
                    G...osh!

                              FATHER
                    Are the girls Christians, or not?

                              SON
                    I didn't ask them during the
                    interview! The question is politically
                    incorrect and totally irrelevant!

                              FATHER
                    Irrelevant!?

                              SON
                    You're a bigot!

                              FATHER
                    I am not, I swear on Tito's name!

                              SON
                    OK, would you mind if your youngest
                    daughter married a Muslim... An
                    Albanian perhaps? Damn good
                    question, is it not?

                              FATHER
                    My Jelena would never do such a
                    thing to me... And if she did, I'd
                    shoot them both on the spot!

                              SON
                    That's what I thought! Bigot!
                    G...osh! How can you be so sure
                    about the superiority of
                    Christianity! The Inquisition, the
                    Crusades, the Conquest, our war!

                              FATHER
                    Do not talk that way of your
                    religion! Blasphemer!

                              SON

                             
                    Blasphemer? That's impossible. I'm
                    agnostic!!

                             

                              FATHER
                    My good God!

                              SON
                    God IS NOT good! If he was, how
                    come there's so much pain and
                    suffering, all the hatred, all the
                    WARS?!

                              FATHER
                    Sin is the cause of all suffering.

                              SON
                    Bullshit! What did an infant with a
                    genetic deformation, causing him to
                    suffer unbearable pain, ever do
                    wrong to deserve suffering?!

                              FATHER
                    You urgently need to speak to a
                    priest! You cannot just shamelessly
                    blame God for everything! What have
                    YOU done for the benefit of
                    humanity?

                              SON
                    Not much, but at least I'm not hypocritical
                    enough to call myself a Christian.

                              FATHER
                    So sentence yourself to one hundred years
                    of solitude if that's what your
                    want!

          Children look at Father and Son with a wide open eyes.

          EXT. SERVICE STATION - DAY

          "3. Remember thou keep the Sabbath Day."

          The FATHER and the SON stop on the hill by the the SERVICE
          STATION. The MENNONITE is leave them here. The MENNONITE's
          CHILDREN get out of the car and help their father unhitch the
          horse from the car. The SON gets out of the car.

         

          The Mennonite has finished harnessing the horse to the
          buggy. His children get back into the buggy. The SON shakes
          his hand.

         

                              SON
                        (in English)
                    Thanks so much, man!

                              MENNONITE
                    You're most welcome. God bless you!

                              SON
                    Well, you too!

          The MENNONITE leaves. The SON leans on the car and start to
          push it down the hill, towards the station.

                              SON (CONT'D)
                        (to himself, in Serbian)
                    Although God is, of course, dead.

         

          Two attractive girls, OLGA and ASTA, stand by a yellow car
          with OLGA's husband GEORGE, who is a gas station attendant.
          ASTA wears a very short skirt and a tight blouse even though
          it is quite cold. George is pumping the air into ASTA's car
          wheels while chatting with OLGA. ASTA and OLGA laugh at the
          couple seeing that their car is being pushed.

          Son stops the car by the gas pump. The FATHER takes out the
          video camera in a hurry.

                              FATHER
                    What a lack of shame and respect!
                    It's Sunday for God's sake!
          FATHER CAMCORDER'S P.O.V.

          The FATHER films the girls, from time to time closing in

                              SON
                        (in English)
                    Hey, babes! Wanna go for a ride?

                              FATHER (O.S.)
                        (in Serbian)

                             
                    What do you think you're you
                    doing?!

                              SON
                    I'm adjusting to local cultural
                    customs.

                              FATHER (O.S.)
                    Good God! All the years I've wasted
                    on rising him! Behave! You're not a
                    cowboy!

          GEORGE is done with the wheels. He takes OLGA into his arms
          and kisses her. ASTA gets into her car and drives away. Her
          car's LICENSE PLATES consists of a series of THREES.

          BACK TO SCENE

          OLGA and GEORGE pick up an advertisement board leaning on
          the wall of the SERVICE STATION RESTAURANT to the right of
          its entrance. They put it in front of the entrance. OLGA
          writes on it with a chalk: "Anything you ever desired from
          $3 and up". When she is done, she ENTERS the restaurant,
          sending GEORGE a farewell kiss. GEORGE walks away towards
          the garage.

          He laughs as if he recalled something funny. He speaks

                              SON
                        (in Serbian)

                             
                    I have to tell you a story. I was
                    trying to get laid...

                              FATHER
                    Get laid?

          The FATHER's confusion suggests that he did not understand the
          meaning of the expression "get laid" right away. When he realizes
          what it means, he opens his eyes with surprise and
          indignation.

                              FATHER (CONT'D)
                    SEXUAL intercourse, BEFORE
                    marriage?!

                              SON
                    Dad! Get with it! Twenty first
                    century?!! So... A girl I dated
                    was, for some weird reason,
                    interested in philosophy. I told
                    her about some graffiti I saw
                    saying "God is dead" and signed:
                    "Friedrich Nietzsche". Underneath
                    there was another message though...

          Son pretends he is painting graffiti on an imaginary wall.

                              SON (CONT'D)
                    "I'm OK. Nietzsche is dead though"
                    Signed... "God"!

          Son laughs loudly. Father remains serious.

                              SON
                    Nietzsche is dead! Ha ha! Funny,
                    'cause he actually IS dead, get
                    it?!

          The FATHER's serious facial expression remains unchanged.

                              SON
                    Don't you...get it?

                              FATHER
                    Every child knows that story. It
                    comes from Bertrand Russell's book "On
                    The Life of Nietzsche", page 333,
                    Berlin '33, Third Edition.

                              SON
                    I don't think that every child
                    knows who Nietzsche is to begin
                    with!

                              FATHER
                    And thank God they don't! He never
                    ever attended Mass on Sundays, same
                    as Russell!

          In that moment George approaches them. He wears a T-shirt with
          his name in the front and big number "3" on the back.

                              SON
                        (in English, with Serbian
                        accent)
                    Hey dude! George, right?

                              GEORGE
                    Hi! Can I help you?

          The SON points to the car.

                              SON
                    It won't start. Could you take a
                    look at it?

                              GEORGE
                    Sure, I can look at it.

          The SON gives GEORGE the key to the car.

                              SON
                    Thanks! Give me the estimation of
                    the repair cost when you know
                    what's up. We'll be in

                              FATHER
                        (whispering with impudence, in
                        Serbian)
                    Is he working on Sunday?

          They leave GEORGE with the car and walk toward the restaurant.
          They pass by the wall of the restaurant with graffiti
          "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'entrate" ("Abandon all hope,
          ye who enter here.", subtitled).

          INT. SERVICE STATION - "THE BROKEN TEN" RESTAURANT - DAY

          "4. Honor thy Father and thy Mother".

          The SON and FATHER ENTER. The restaurant, furnished with pinkish plastic
          tables and chairs, is almost full. At the counter a waitress, OLGA,
          the girl they have seen before, chats with a young and
          handsome American guy, JACK. The restaurant logo, a number
          ten broken into two pieces, hangs on the wall over the
          counter. The FATHER and SON choose the closest table and sit down.
          OLGA approaches them holding two MENUS.

                              OLGA
                    Nice to see you AGAIN guys! Welcome
                    to "The Broken Ten". Something to
                    drink perhaps?

          The SON looks at the girl flirtatiously. The FATHER also looks
          at OLGA lustily. She gives each of them a MENU.

                              SON
                    A diet coke, please.
                        (in Serbian)
                    She asks if you wanted something to
                    drink.

                              FATHER
                        (to Olga, with strong accent,
                        in English)
                    Pleazze one espresso pleazze,
                    Milady.

          They both open the menu in the shape of Ten Commandment
          stone tablets. It lists ten items, four dollars each.

                              SON
                        (in Serbian)

                             
                    Go..sh! It's expensive! Motherf...

          Father looks at the black suitcase.

                              FATHER
                    Don't worry about the prices. I
                    will resolve your financial problems
                    in the way I use to deal with mine.

                              SON
                        (laughing)
                    You? How? Don't you remember that I
                    paid for your flight ticket? You
                    were never able to help me
                    financially.

          The FATHER is visibly hurt by the SON's comment. OLGA is waiting for
          their decision. The SON looks at Olga's identification card
          pinned to her blouse. Her ID number consists of a series of
          FOURS.

          From the pocket under the lapel of his jacket the FATHER
          removes a pack of cigarettes named "Tens". They are labeled
          with a logo nearly identical to the restaurant's logo. There
          are exactly four cigarettes in the pack. He pulls out one of
          them and lights it with the lighter of the same brand.

                              OLGA
                    I'm sorry, sir, but you can't smoke
                    here.

          The FATHER is confused as he does not understand English.

                              FATHER
                        (in Serbian)
                    What did she say?

                              SON
                    You're not allowed to smoke here...

                              FATHER
                    Hahaha. Tell her that I feel sonn
                    she will allow me to do anything I
                    want...

          Son does not translate this remark though. There is a moment
          of confusion, but at last Father gives up and decide to
          stuffs out the cigarette.
          EXTREME CLOSEUP
          .. on the smoldering end of cigarette. The FATHER takes out
          a mini cigarette "snubber" and slowly snuffs out the
          cigarette reciting Dante's "Inferno".

                              FATHER (O.S.)
                    (in Serbian) "I am the way into the
                    city of woe. I am the way into
                    eternal sorrow.  Abandon all hope,
                    ye who enter here..."

          With the words "who enter here" the cigarette goes out.

          BACK TO SCENE.

          The FATHER puts the cigarette pack back into the pocket. Son is
          not listening to Father at all. He just goes through the
          list of dishes.

                              SON
                    Pizza or burger?

                              FATHER
                    I would love to have some pork
                    rinds.

                              SON
                        (ignoring Father's wish)
                    Pepperoni?

          The FATHER does not answer.

                              SON
                        (to OLGA, in English)
                    A large pizza, crispy and thin with
                    pepperoni, olives, red onion and
                    mushrooms. No anchovies, please.

          OLGA leaves with the orders. Son follows her sexy walk with
          his eyes.

                              SON
                        (in English)
                    She... is... smokin'!

                              FATHER
                        (in Serbian)
                    Don't talk in English to me!

                              SON
                        (to FATHER, in Serbian)
                    Ah, just talking to myself about
                    anchovies. Did you know that
                    millions beached themselves in the
                    north of Spain recently? I'm not
                    taking any chances. Better safe
                    than sorry!

                              FATHER
                    Christ almighty! What are you
                    talking about? Are you stressed
                    with your job or what? You never
                    told me what do you actually do

                              SON
                    I work at the University.

                              FATHER
                    That's not a job to be ashamed of!
                    Why you have no money then?

                              SON
                    I... I have money. I'm just having
                    a temporal problems with a credit
                    cart spiral. And my job is, well,
                    definitely better than your first job.

          Father is hurt with the remark. Son's watching Olga sending
          the orders to the chef and coming back to JACK, who is still
          standing at the counter.

         

                              SON
                    We have a kind of union and
                    everything, but...

                              FATHER
                    I'm proud of you. Are you high up
                    in the hierarchy?
                   

                              SON (V.O.)
                    ...but I don't want to live the
                    immigrant life; being a custodian
                    for the rest of my life... I know a
                    guy who actually made his to the
                    top. He did a PhD on "The flea in
                    literature".

                              FATHER
                    So you're just a cleaner, eh?

          Son realizes immediately that Fathers earlier appreciation
          of his job was a misunderstanding. To hide the ironic smile
          which appeared on his face Father starts to cough. His
          simulated cough turns into heavy coughing though. Son looks
          at Father in anger.

                              SON

                             
                    Stop coughing! Are you dying or what?

                              FATHER
                        (still coughing)
                    Everybody dies... But I'm a good
                    Christian. I'll go straight to
                    heaven. You... We'll see.

                              SON
                    If Heaven exists, either everybody
                    goes there or it's completely
                    empty.

                              FATHER
                    Hmm?

                              SON
                    Let's take Bush for example. He'll
                    go to hell for sure, right? But
                    what if you were his father? You
                    die and you go to Heaven. Now, how
                    can you be eternally happy knowing
                    that your son is suffering in Hell?

                              FATHER
                    But what if I did not know that my
                    son was in Hell?

                              SON
                    Then I say "fuck such a fake
                    paradise"...

          Son notices Olga is alone now. He stands up immediately, preventing
          Father from expressing his protest against Son's last
          remark.

                              SON
                    Back in a sec.

          Son hurries quietly to the washroom, avoiding being seen.

... continue with the part II (in my portfolio).
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