Worrywarts

* Author’s Note:  The OED claims the first usage of the phrase, spelled “worrywart” appeared on page 177 of Ivan Belknap’s 1956 book “Human Problems of State Mental Hospitals”.

Most folks stay as far away from the place as possible.  It’s down on the lowlands and the swamp is suckin' it under. 

They’s a fancified sign outside that says “The Guest House”, but we all knows there ain’t no guests inside--only ’em crazies.  They ain’t crazy ’nuff to be locked behind bars at State, but they sure is too crazy to let loose.  And Frog Face Freddie is the craziest of ‘em all.

It were the gals what named him Frog Face ‘cause he was forever tryin' to smack his big ol' lips on any of ‘em stupid 'nuff to get near him.  It didn’t matter that an iron fence stood between ‘em.  His yella ol’ tongue slipped right on through.

The nurses say he’s got a case of the  “worrywarts” ‘cause he jest cain’t stop worryin' at hisself.  The only time he stops that pickin' and pullin' at his arms and legs is when he’s smackin ‘em lips at the gals.

Now me and Bad Buck, we’s usually too scart to go down wanderin' in them lowlands late at night.  But we was followin' Princess, the prettiest gal in town. 

We rounded the bend jest in time to catch her lay a wet one on Freddie. 

His legs began ashrinkin'  and his back began ahumpin'.  And then them worry warts began apoppin' out all over.  This time they was real warts.  Only thing left of Freddie to recognize was that long yella tongue half-way down Princess’ throat.

Then they both began to croak.  That’s when me and Buck got ‘em worrywarts too.  We warn’t ready to be no flies.

In ‘em fairytales a kiss can turn a fella into a prince; in ’em lowlands, a kiss can turn a princess into a frog.

Word Count:  298