High On Golgotha

(LIGHTS UP ON KARMEL AND NISSIM, ENTERING FROM EITHER SIDE OF THE STAGE.  KARMEL CARRIES A SMALL JUG UNDER HIS ARM.  NISSIM, A WALKING STICK.  THEY GAZE OVER THE HEADS OF THE AUDIENCE, AS IF THE AUDIENCE WAS IN THE WAY OF A SPECTACLE.)

NISSIM
They’re really going to do this, I suppose?

KARMEL
Yep.

NISSIM
They do this a lot?

KARMEL
Yep.

NISSIM
How often?

KARMEL
Often enough.

(KARMEL TAKES A SWIG FROM HIS JUG AND LAUGHS.  NISSIM JOINS IN THE LAUGH BEFORE ADMITTING HIS IGNORANCE.)

NISSIM
What does that mean?

KARMEL
They’re good at what they do.

NISSIM
How can you tell?  I can’t even see him.

KARMEL
They do it a lot.  And besides- it’s kind of a hard thing to screw up.

NISSIM
Earlier…

KARMEL
Yeah, earlier…

NISSIM
They hit him really hard.

KARMEL
And many times, to boot.

NISSIM
And now they hang him from a tree?

KARMEL
They nail him to a tree.

NISSIM
(UNBELIEVING.)
They nail him to a tree?

KARMEL
You’ve never seen them do this before?

NISSIM
Not up close.  They nail him?  Are you sure?

KARMEL
They don’t stick him up there with sap.

NISSIM
I’m Nissim, by the way. 

KARMEL
What do you do, Nissim?

NISSIM
I’m a shepherd.

(THEIR GAZE SHIFTS FURTHER ABOVE THE AUDIENCE’S HEADS, AS IF SOMETHING IS BEING PLACED HIGH UP.  NISSIM GASPS.  KARMEL OFFERS HIM THE JUG.  NISSIM TAKES A DRINK.)


KARMEL
I’m Karmel.

NISSIM
You’re a vintner?

KARMEL
Indeed.
(PAUSE.)
See, those ain’t fake nails, kid.

NISSIM
It’s ghastly.

KARMEL
Piss off, you!  This is fresh stuff.  Fine quality.
(HE TAKES BACK HIS JUG AND DRINKS.)

NISSIM
No, the wine is very good.  I was talking about his hands.

KARMEL
Huh?  Oh, yeah.  Never easy to look at.

NISSIM
Doesn’t seem to bother anyone else. 

KARMEL
Not all of us are shepherds.

NISSIM
What’s that supposed to mean?

KARMEL
Well, when you spend about every waking hour protecting those mindless animals, you get a little out of touch.

NISSIM
I’m out of touch?

KARMEL
Nah- forget I said it.



NISSIM
(POINTING LEFT AND RIGHT OVER THE AUDIENCE.)
Who are they?

KARMEL
Couple other criminals.

NISSIM
So they’re all criminals?

KARMEL
What’s the matter with you?  Course they are.  The Romans are rough, but they don’t kill people without a reason.  Plenty of guilty people to choose from in this city- they wouldn’t have time to torture the innocent.

NISSIM
What did they do?

KARMEL
(TRYING TO REMEMBER, HE POINTS LEFT TO RIGHT.)
Uh…  Rapist, Messiah, Murderer.  Good combination, you ask me.

NISSIM
Messiah?

KARMEL
Yeah, another- isn’t that just the end-all?

NISSIM
Is he really the Messiah?

KARMEL
Course he isn’t.

NISSIM
What makes you so quick to say no?

KARMEL
Come on, kid.  Look at him- he look like someone who’s gonna conquer the Romans?

NISSIM
I suppose not.


KARMEL
God said he’d send us a Messiah to overthrow our oppressors.  That ain’t him.  Though I wouldn’t expect a shepherd to know the Messiah when he sees him.  No offense.

NISSIM
What have you got against shepherds?

KARMEL
I’ve seen you guys before.  I know we need you and all- mutton’s good eating.  Hell of a lot better than sand.

NISSIM
Thanks.

KARMEL
But I watch you guys on your hill.  And you stand there, and you look out over your sheep.  Your precious sheep.  And I suppose from the hill you can see the rest of the town, huh?

NISSIM
Yes- usually.

KARMEL
And we can see you too. 

(PAUSE.)

NISSIM
Well, what’s wrong with that?

KARMEL
Nothing.  Nothing ‘til you come down off of the hill and hang around us.

NISSIM
So I should spend all of my time with the sheep?

KARMEL
Maybe.

NISSIM
What for?  Why can’t I mingle with the community?

KARMEL
Because no one says “mingle”, Nissim. 


NISSIM
What?

KARMEL
No one down here, anyhow.

NISSIM
Plenty of people say “mingle”.

KARMEL
No they don’t.

NISSIM
I’ve heard them say it.

KARMEL
Who’s them?

NISSIM
The people.  You know, the people.

KARMEL
Oh, the people.  What people?

NISSIM
The people.

KARMEL
Uh-huh.  Where’d you really learn that word?

(PAUSE.)

NISSIM
I read it in a story somewhere.

KARMEL
You read your stories, you guard your sheep.  You spend more time with beasts than with us.  Up on that hill- closer to the clouds.

NISSIM
What’s wrong with that?

KARMEL
You don’t know who we are.

(HE TURNS BACK TO THE AUDIENCE, OBSERVING THE SCENE BEFORE HIM.)

KARMEL (cont)
He’s scrawny.  I give him an hour, tops.

NISSIM
This is wrong.

KARMEL
Huh.

NISSIM
Why would you do this to a person?  People shouldn’t do this to other people.  It’s not right.

KARMEL
Yeah?  And what’s your basis for comparison?  Any of your sheep ever crucify each other?

NISSIM
Someone’s got to stop these people.  It can’t just go on like this forever.

KARMEL
Tell that to the criminals in charge.

NISSIM
Maybe I will.  Someone has to take a stand.  I’ll tell them how I feel- that they can’t keep oppressing us- hurting us.  I mean, this guy here- what’s his worst crime?

KARMEL
Acting like a maniac.  Stirring people up.

NISSIM
Well, at worst he’s crazy.  You shouldn’t kill someone for being crazy.

KARMEL
Caesar’s a real bastard.

NISSIM
What’s the worst that could happen if I spoke up?

KARMEL
All that guy ever said was that he was king of the Jews.  And they nailed his ass- literally.  Pilate would make you eat your guts for dinner before he crucified you.

NISSIM
I just don’t understand.

KARMEL
Nothing to understand, shepherd.  You’re new to all this.

NISSIM
All what?

KARMEL
Civilization.  You sell your wool, you sell your meat and then get back on the hill.  Maybe you go to temple.  Otherwise, though, you’re a minimum-input kind of guy.  Maybe I’m jealous of you.

NISSIM
Well, what do the rest of you do when something like this happens?

KARMEL
Some of us drink.  Some of us pray.  We all sit around and wait for the Messiah.

NISSIM
You don’t sound completely satisfied with that method.

KARMEL
Maybe I’m not.  But I don’t have a lot of say in the situation.

NISSIM
But if we-

KARMEL
Don’t, Nissim.  It’s worthless talk.

NISSIM
But I want to do something!

KARMEL
Then go carve a cross to hang on by yourself!  I’m not interested.

NISSIM
If you’re not going to do something, I will. 

KARMEL
You won’t.


NISSIM
I will.

KARMEL
You won’t.

NISSIM
I won’t?

KARMEL
Well- you shouldn’t.

NISSIM
Why not?

KARMEL
Tell me something, shepherd.  When you wake up in the morning, it’s always too cold, isn’t it?

NISSIM
Usually, yeah.

KARMEL
And then what do you do?

NISSIM
I put on my robe.

KARMEL
And some gloves, if you’ve got them…

NISSIM
Yes, and some boots if my feet are cold…

KARMEL
Which they always are…

NISSIM
Yes, and then maybe a blanket.

KARMEL
Yes.

NISSIM
Just to stay warm.

KARMEL
And then, as the day goes on, you work and you forget about all the extra clothing.

NISSIM
Yeah.

KARMEL
Until around noon.

NISSIM
Why- what happens at noon?

KARMEL
Sun’s directly overhead.  The morning’s cool is lost.  And you start to sweat.

NISSIM
Okay.

KARMEL
And all that extra clothing makes you feel ridiculous- you’re in an oven of wool and linen.

NISSIM
So I just take it off.

KARMEL
Yeah.  And suddenly you’re wearing pretty much what you started with that morning.

NISSIM
Yeah.

KARMEL
And that’s a pain in the ass.

NISSIM
Well, maybe.

KARMEL
You have to stop what you’re doing, put something on, take something off.  You have to take your eyes off the sheep.

NISSIM
Yeah, that’s true…

KARMEL
And I bet you hate to do that.

NISSIM
I do.

KARMEL
So you’ve got a problem, huh?

NISSIM
Yeah.

KARMEL
Yeah.

NISSIM
But we’ve all got to deal with that, right?

KARMEL
Right.  But what have you done to solve it?

NISSIM
Well, nothing.  We’ve all got to deal with it.

KARMEL
So we should all suffer?

NISSIM
I wouldn’t call it suffering…

KARMEL
What have you done about it?

NISSIM
Nothing!  But I don’t see your point!

KARMEL
That’s why you shouldn’t do anything. 

NISSIM
Because my feet get cold?

KARMEL
It’d be easier for you to solve a problem like that- a problem the whole world suffers and deals with- than for you to fight off those Romans.  That’s easier than saving this one man’s life. 


NISSIM
Maybe.

KARMEL
So get cracking.

NISSIM
What?

KARMEL
Figure that problem out first.


NISSIM
Why should I?

KARMEL
Well, I wear my wool boots to bed- to keep them from being so cold in the morning.  I hate that feeling.

NISSIM
So?

KARMEL
I’m getting to the point.  So, I wake up, and my body’s cold, but my feet are sweating.  There’s a puddle between each damn toe.

NISSIM
Okay.

KARMEL
I hate that feeling!

NISSIM
Okay.

KARMEL
Think, Nissim: You think I’m the only guy with that problem out there?

NISSIM
No.

KARMEL
So, solve that problem.


NISSIM
Why?

KARMEL
Because solving that problem will make you more of a hero to the world than you’d ever be trying to save that schmuck’s life. 

NISSIM
But that’s ridiculous!  You can’t seriously compare the problems of a dying man to the problems of your sweaty feet!

KARMEL
Since when?  Since when has man ever had a problem with worrying about insignificant stuff before their real problems?

NISSIM
I…

KARMEL
Since when?

NISSIM
I guess I don’t know.

KARMEL
Damn right you don’t.  You live with sheep.

(PAUSE.  THEY RETURN TO WATCHING THE EXECUTION.)

KARMEL (cont)
He’s dead.

(NISSIM SITS ON HIS HAUNCHES, LOOKING VERY SAD.  KARMEL OFFERS HIM SOME OF HIS WINE.)

KARMEL (cont)
You want some more of this?

(NISSIM TAKES THE BOTTLE AND DRINKS.  HE OFFERS IT BACK TO KARMEL, BUT KARMEL DOESN’T TAKE IT.)


KARMEL (cont)
Keep it.

(PAUSE.)

NISSIM
I don’t think he is.

KARMEL
Huh?

NISSIM
I don’t think he’s dead.


KARMEL
Course you don’t. 

NISSIM
Course I don’t.

KARMEL
Course.

(PAUSE.)

NISSIM
(NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THE WORDS.)
He’s a skinny bastard.  If he isn’t dead, I give him another five minutes.

(PAUSE.)

NISSIM (cont)
Tops.

KARMEL
Good enthusiasm, kid- but don’t force it.

NISSIM
Well, what do you want from me?

KARMEL
Already told you.  My feet sweat like crazy- that is no joke.


NISSIM
Yeah.  I’ll get right on that.

KARMEL
Good.

NISSIM
I don’t think he’s dead.

KARMEL
Yeah, hard to say.

NISSIM
Do I get to talk?


KARMEL
Huh?

NISSIM
I mean, you got to say your piece.  You got your little speeches.  What about me?  Don’t I get to say anything to you?

KARMEL
Huh.

NISSIM
I mean- this is horrible.  I’m not a lunatic for thinking that sticking a guy to a tree is sick!  No matter how many sheep I spend my days with.

KARMEL
No matter how many.

NISSIM
This is wrong!  And you’re all jaded and frightened.  You tell me I need to reset my priorities, go for something simpler…

KARMEL
Well, sure…

NISSIM
But I don’t care what you think!  I get to feel the way I feel about this. 

KARMEL
Okay.

NISSIM
I get to say my piece, don’t I?

KARMEL
I suppose.

NISSIM
You suppose?  Do I or don’t I get my time to say something, Karmel?

KARMEL
(SURPRISED.)
You do.

NISSIM
And when is that time, exactly?

KARMEL
Whenever you want.

NISSIM
Now?

KARMEL
Depends.

NISSIM
On what?

KARMEL
Do you even know what you want to say?

(LONG PAUSE.  NISSIM SITS AND TAKES A DRAW FROM THE WINE.  THEY WATCH THE EXECUTION.)

KARMEL (cont)
Okay- now he’s dead.

NISSIM
No.  He’s not.

KARMEL
Okay.

(PAUSE AS THEY CONTINUE TO WATCH THE EVENTS UNFOLD,  KARMEL LESS INTERESTED THAN BEFORE, NISSIM SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SADNESS AND FURY.  NISSIM TAKES ANOTHER LONG DRAW FROM THE WINE.)

NISSIM
It’s really good wine.

KARMEL
Damn right it is.

(LIGHTS DOWN.)


THE END