Ex-men Exceptions to Social Boundaries

Ex-men, Exceptions to Social Boundaries
Episode one: Origin

         At the present time, a dark cloud known as Hot Stuff with his queen Bambi rules the school with an iron fist and a set of goggles. The place is Hippopotamus or more formally known as Hyper Ignoramus Potato Peeling Ohio Processing Tasters and Metropolitan University School. Their main team is the raging hippos swim team. 
         Walter Baggins sits hunched due to a very full backpack, full of the extra homework he requested. In his pocket is a pink inhaler. He is the new kid in school. He is dressed in a suit and tie because his mommy insisted he look good for his big day in school. Hot stuff walks past, and stops; then he calls his minions over.
         “Smell that boys?” He asks.
         “Smell what?”
         “That’s fear.” He replies, and starts laughing maniacally, a traveling cafeteria person trips and three plates create three different notes that sounds suspiciously like, “dum, dum, dum,” on a descending scale.
         Walter is sitting with his mystery meat surprise when out of nowhere; Hot stuff appears from the shadows laughing. Walter tries to take flight but trips and Hot Stuff’s people surround him. Fear surrounds our soon to be hero so he pulls out his inhaler and takes a deep breath, gets a determined look on his face and falls on his knees to beg for his life and his underwear. Hot Stuff is not moved and lifts the tragic, terrified, titan (good alliteration huh…Alright I’ll get on with the story) and hangs him from the flagpole, next to another unfortunate victim.
         “Who are you?” Asks Walter
         “My name is Theodore Wilson Carter the 8th, and who pray tell are you?”
         “I’m Walter Baggins.”
         “The sword is sharp the spear is long the arrow sift the gate is strong the heart is bold and looks on gold the dwarves no more shall suffer wrong.”
         “Stop reciting the Hobbit, I get enough jokes about my name as it is.”
         “Well, I’ve seen from your stretched underwear that you’ve run into the bullies as well.”
         “Indeed, I have met the foe, and when I get free I shall run and hide but with honor and dignity, while I pee my pants.”
         “Just hold your underwear, I’m going to call a friend to get us down, Albert Redneck, get us down!”
         “Sitting on a rock, slapping the flies that constantly surround him, a pure white albino stands up and lifts the rock he was sitting on. He looks at the flagpole, and chucks his rock. He accomplishes his mission; both Theodore and Walter fall down as the rock is used as a hammer. The flagpole is now at ground level and both Theodore and Walter are lifted off.
         Alvin looks at Theodore and decides it is time to sing a song. Calling their other friend, Simon Bush, the three started singing the Star Wars Theme.
         Theodore then pulls out a plastic light saber and laughs. They proceed to duel to the death or until one gets a booboo and runs home to mommy. Walter looks on and shakes his head, “Do you all know each other?”
         From the shadows, a woman or girl thing, it was hard to tell, dressed in black rags comes from the shadows, eyes glowing red. “Someone has summoned me.” She intones.
         “Hi Goth,” Simon replies as Theodore hits him in the head with a light saber claiming victory.
         “Look at the shiny.” Alvin shouts as he pokes Goth’s eye.
         “Stop that, I have claimed victory over a demon and gathered my father’s eyes.”
         “No you didn’t, I saw them in a catalogue.” Simon replies.
         At this point, Alvin is cowering under his rock, “Okey dokey daddy right?”
         “Yes my dad is okey dokey.” Goth replies.
         “Hey Goth, no teasing the moron.”
         “I no moron.”
         “Moron you be.” Simon replies and bows.
         “That movie was awesome.” Theodore begins.
         Walter interrupts, “So do you know each other? You never answered my question.”
         “Of course we do, geeks run in packs to survive the jocks.”
         Suddenly, three people walk in, two are in capes and weird costumes. “I am Thor.” One mans calls, wielding his plastic hammer of doom. “I am the Sword Swinging Ishmael, master from the hidden level of Dungeon and Dragons.”
         “You did not beat that level,” All four geeks shout. Walter stands silent.
         “Yes I did.”
         “No you didn’t.”
         The third person steps forward dressed in suspenders, two feet tall, with a retainer and bulging coke bottle lenses, “My name is Sam, some people call me the hacker, I still don’t see why. Just because I hacked into the pentagon once or twice when I was three means nothing.” He snorted then.
         Thor came forward, “I am THOR! What mishap has befallen thee?”
         “I thought you were playing He-man,” Theodore replies.
         Thor pouted, “Ishmael broke my sword.”
         “That’s what you get for saying I didn’t beat the mystery level of D &D.”
         Everyone shouts, “BUT YOU DIDN’T BEAT IT!”
         “Together we make up the all powerful, greatest, fighting group, ever, the fantastic three.” Ishmael says.
         “But we never win, the jocks always win.” Sam told his two siblings.
         “A temporary set back,” Thor replies.
         Walter interrupts, “Thanks Al for getting me off the pole, mind if I join your crew, Star Wars rocks!”
         “To enter you must withstand my might hammer.” Thor replies.
         “Shut up Gregory,” Sam replies.
         “I AM THOR FEEL MY WRATH THERE IS NO GREGORY, EXCEPT ON BRADY BUNCH, SO DIE!” He screams as he throws the mighty plastic hammer and hits Sam.
         “Ow, I’m telling mom, you know she doesn’t like you to dress up like this.”
         “It’s better than He-man and stop being a baby.” Ishmael replies.
         “I am not being a baby.” Sam pouts.
         “Hush.” Theodore hisses, “Smell that, it’s the smell of chlorine.”
         The jocks appear as all eight geeks scream and scatter in different directions as the hippo team jumps out of the bushes and steps on the two caped dudes giving chase to Sam who is too small to run away.
         Later that night, at the swimming pool…

         The rest of the geeks watch in agony as the three are dipped in the pool. At first, they cannot swim but soon muscles bulge out of nowhere, their heads shrink due to lack of brain and their teeth straighten out. They emerge from the water and look at their once friends, handsome with shiny teeth. “One of us.” The jocks moan and embrace their new friends.
         Walter asks, “What is going on?”
         Theodore responds, “This entire school used to be nothing but geeks, it was built on a Hollywood graveyard. The pool is filled with their coolness and destroys the brain cells of any geek who touches it.”
         Walter replies, “You mean Hot Stuff used to be…”
         “Yes,” Simon replied, “He used to be Jimmy McCrawl but he was the first to be coolinized and he has created a cult out of it, the raging hippos.” Dum, Dum, Dum.
         “Sorry,” Goth says, “I dropped my three candles on the floor.”
         “Their eyes are looking at us.” Alvin mentioned.
         “The Dark Lord speaks to me, he tells me to RUN!” Goth screams.
         Together, the five geeks hide in the basement. Walter whispers, “The jocks can come in here.”
         “No,” Goth replies, “Vulcan priests blessed it, or at least that’s what they say, I say my spiritual guide protects us.”
         “Is Goth always like that, she’s sort of freaking me out,” Whispers Walter.
         “SILENCE OR LOSE YOUR SOUL!”
         “Sorry.”
         “As a goddess I have mercy.”
         Simon and Theodore look at each other than at Goth, “Which goddess has mercy?”
         Goth looks left then right, “We’re missing someone.”
         “Where’s Al?” They shout together. They find Alvin licking his toes, surrounded by the jocks.
         “Al, I have your rock and I’ll kill it if you don’t get over here right now.” Goth screams.
         “No hurt Millie, she future wife.” Al screams, bolting for the basement door, knocking jocks left and right, jumping through the doorway, knocking down Goth and holding his rock. “Millie, I missed you, don’t never leave again.”
         Suddenly the computer screens in the basement glow bright gold. The jocks are looking through the doorway and start screaming. “It burns, and I’m getting geekafied.”
         The door slams shut as Al looks into the light and says, “Pretty, me poke.”
         Goth rolls her eyes, “I told you to stop poking light.”
         “Me sorry, need hug?” Al asks.
         Goth shivers and shakes her head.
         “I am the internet fairy.” The computer tells them in binary code.
         Luckily, Alvin, Simon, and Theodore can all speak binary code as the computer strats humming, doot, doot, doo doo, doot from some weird show in the eighties involving chipmunks.
         The computer continues speaking, “I have brought visitors from a galaxy far, far, away, the Vulcans.”
         “Excuse me.” Walter interrupts after having the computer translated for him, “Star Wars did not use Vulcans and besides Vulcans are on Star Trek.”
         “LIVE LONG AND PROSPER” Shouts the rest.
         The computer groans and rolls its invisible eyes, “I hate geeks but I have powers so sit down and listen.”
         “Yes oh mighty computer.” All shout but Alvin and Goth.
         “I bet I could beat you with my demon powers.” Goth replies.
         The rest of the geeks pile on top of her, “Shh!” The whisper.
         “I can take you all, I’ll eat your eyes with my special cat.”
         The computer replies, “Bring it on.”
         Goth charges the computer; the computer gives her a mild electric shock. “If I wasn’t paid to show up here I wouldn’t be here, Bill Gates pays well.”
         “All hail Bill.” Shout all who are conscious.
         “Hey  ain’t you Mr. Mega Phone?” Questions Al.
         “Shut up, it was a summer job and a mistake, they’ll never let me live down Mr. Megaphone, grrr.”
         “Weren’t you going to give us powers?” Walter whines.
         “Oh yeah, Walter I give you the power of the inhaler; it shall spray geek juice. To Theodore, I give the power of elastic underwear, anything you fling it at it will hit without missing. To Simon, I give the power of hypnotism to your eyebrow.”
         “Couldn’t you just take away my unibrow and make me popular?”
         “Traitor!” Shout the rest of the geeks.
         “You all dream about it,” The computer replies, “I know all.”
         “I have nickel, can I buy phone?” Al asks.
         “Just work with me, MEGAPHONE MUST DIE, where was I? Oh year…To Goth I give you the power of telekinesis.”
         “You mean the power of the goddess?”
         “No, telekinesis.”
         “It is good to be the goddess.”
         “Ten years to retirement…To Al I give the power of throwing rocks.”
         “I already do.”
         “Fine, your stench is poison.”
         “Cool.”
         “I have to kill Mr. Megapohe, ciao.” The computer replied then flashed to the blue screen of death.
         The five geeks looked at each other, “Do we need outfits?” Walter asks.
         “I am the Goddess I need no outfit.” Goth replies.
         “Goth, put your clothes back on!” Theodore shouts.
         “Fine, I shall obey your mortal laws until my dad takes me home, then I shall kill him.”
         “Daddy no okey dokey?” Alvin asks.
         “Dad’s fine, just leave me alone, I have evil powers so run.” Goth Whines.
Thus the ex-men were formed.

End of Origin