losing againsts me

cant you teach me what am i,who i am becoming or what am i doing to myself.
cant you tell me why im so self destroutcing.how could i have loved all this?
so im just breaking to peices ,how long wil i lose this war i cant deal with it much more.im losing this game .cant you help me. how can i explain this. how can i just define myself. why did you do it. you just had to fire the first shot .now im in this war.if i would have know i wouldnt of fought back.dont leave me standing here with my wasted time.its all been spent now.now im lost with out god or you .just lost losing a war with myself