Cuts So Deep

  Jasmine stared across the crowded classroom seeking the face of only one person.  She had dressed specially for this occasion and she knew that as soon as he saw her, he was going to come to her.  Her jeans were riding her hips and the red t-shirt was stretched tightly over her tiny frame; the hem ending about an inch about the her waistband.  She had gotten up an hour early on purpose so she would have time to perfectly curl each section of her waist length jet black hair and pin it back so that it framed the sides of her face and flow over her shoulders.
  Her eyes searched the room and her body suddenly tensed when she heard the laugh that used to be music to her ears.  He had just walked in the other door and as usual he was with about four of his friends.  Her hungry eyes drank in the sight of him and she felt the familiar peace mixed with pain that always clutched her soul whenever he war around.  She sucked in a deep breath and forced the tears back before walking slowly across the room.  He was laughing at something one of the guys, Jamal she thought his name was, had just said when he glanced up and in her direction. 
  She saw the open appreciation cross his face and for just a few seconds her resolve threatened to crack.  Then she looked over his shoulder and spotted Desiree walking in the room and felt her spine go stiff with the pain that had been her constant companion since last night. 
  She pasted a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes on her face and walked into his arms.  He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck, pressing a kiss to her throat before whispering in her ear, "You look good.  Really good, babe." 
  She murmered her thanks and snuggled her back into his chest stealing his heat as a final comfort.  She turned in his arms and draped her arms around his neck, before kissing the corner of his mouth.  "Can we ditch today, please?  I...I need to talk to you,Ryan and it can't wait."
  The confusion in his eyes was enough to make her almost cry, but he nodded slowly, before looking over her shoulders and bidding his boys good-bye.  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and they walked out of the room and down the hall.  Soon he was pushing the door open and they were making their way down the pathway and toward the lake. 
Thankfully, he didn't try to find out what was wrong with her, but respected the fact as soon as she was ready she would tell him. She stopped in front of the water and pressed her back against the rough bark of the weeping willow.  Jasmine stretched her hand out and pulled him to her, buring her face in his chest.
  Ryan murmured against her hair, stroking it back, before pushing her away and kissing her gently.  Slowly the contact deepened, and almost against her will, her mouth opened for him and her arms went around his neck, pulling him in to her.
  His hands spanned her waist kneading the exposed skin there, before slipping downward to rest on her hips.  His mouth left hers to press light kisses against her closed eyes and trailing downward to bypass her mouth and trace her jawline. 
  She sighed and leaned against the tree, content to steal the last bit of comfort she would have for long time.  Her hands traced the defined muscles in his back, and slipped around to press against his chest, before easing into his jacket.  Soon she had pushed it off his shoulders, and heard the dull thud it made when it hit the ground.
  Meanwhile, Ryan had left her jaw and trailed lower to press a series of open mouthed kisses to the side of her neck.  His thumb rested against her pulse and he massaged the tiny section of her skin in soothing circular motions.
  Jasmine nestled against his neck as his head dipped lower until he was soon nipping and kissing the exposed section of her collarbone.  This man in her arms knew her so well and right now he was taking full advantage of that fact to comfort her through whatever pain he knew she was feeling.
  She felt his hands slip under the back of her shirt and she debated for a few seconds rather or not to allow him to continue.  The second though that his hands flattened against her back and she felt the warmth radiating off him she arched into him and abondoned all common sense. 
  Her fingers slipped under his t-shirt and she roamed over his solid chest raking softly.  She felt his breath hitch against her sensitive skin and dragged in a deep whimpering breath when he moved his hands around her shirt to rest just under her breasts. 
  She knew from experience were this was going and she cursed her weakness for not being able to stop him and move away.  She knew that wasn't wise to allow this to continue but something in her refused to deny herself this last little bit of joy.
  She pressed an open mouthed kiss to the jaw before making her way down to nurse the hollow of his neck.  She continued her path downward stopping in frustration when she halted by his shirt.  Growling, she pushed it over his head, finally giving a sigh of appreciation when she beheld the expanse of his chest.  She pressed a chaste kiss to his left shoulder and started weaze a path downward, smiling wanly when she felt him tremor slightly. 
  Suddenly she gasped and was drawn up short when she felt his hands cover her chest, his thumb flicking gently over her hardened nipples.  She arched against him and kissed him deeply, shuddering when he repeated the action. 
  He suddenly stopped and turned her so that his back was against the tree and she was facing him.  Ryan's gaze was heated when he again moved his hands to her back this time to hook his thumbs into the back of her shirt.  She closed her eyes and waited as he peeled her shirt up and over her head, dropping it beside his jacket.  She gripped his shoulders and leaned into him as he resumed his pathway down her collarbone, pressing open mouth kisses to her skin.
  Finally his mouth covered her breast and she gasped when his teeth grazed her nipple.  She sucked in a deep breath and hissed in pleasure when he sucked softly on her hyper - sensitive skin.  She whined softly when left one breast to turn his attentions to the other.  In the back of her mind she knew this had to stop, but it was just taking time to suck in the guts needed to call a halt to it all.
  His mouth left her breast to continue downward over her stomach, and she finally found the strength to lean forward effectively cutting off his pathway.  He looked at her questioningly and she caught his mouth with hers kissing her with all the desperation she was feeling right then.  She placed her hands over his and unlinked his fingers peeling them off her.  Ryan started to say something, but she stopped him, placing a finger across his lips gently. 
  Jasmine turned and snatched the shirt off the ground shrugging it on and adjusting it quickly.  With her back still turned she picked up his t-shirt tossing it to him and waiting as she listened to him slipping into in.
  She finally turned back around and faced him, her armed crossed over her stomach.  Her hair was falling around her face, effectively hiding her face.
  "I can't do this anymore, Ryan," she whispered.  "I can't continue to play this game."
  "What do you mean?" He whispered, confusion lacing his voice.
  "I have given all I can give.  I tried to be the girl you wanted and I can't."  She looked up at him finally, and he was floored by the tears that were silently tracing down her cheeks.
  "I talked to Desiree." She whispered.
  Ryan's face blanched and he swallowed roughly.  Jasmine fely her heart splinter as his face confirmed what she had hoped wasn't true.
  "Jasmine, it isn't what you think.  I only went because I had to."
  "That's what you say everytime, Ryan.  And everytime I turn blind eye to it.  But this time I can't.  You promised you were done with all that."
  "Baby, I am.  It was a one time thing, I promise," he pleaded.
  He reached for her and stood in shock when she moved back away from him.  "I can't watch you die, Ryan.  I just can't.  And messing with Joey is going to do just that.  Everytime you leave to help him make one of his 'deliveries' you jeopardize you and us. I can't do this anymore."
  "Jasmine, please don't do this.  I love you, please don't walk away." 
  Jasmine felt her throat close up and she slowed the painful lump before shaking her head softly.  "I'm sorry, Ryan.  I can't anymore.  Come back when you have straightened out your life.  I can't promise I will be around but maybe just maybe I will."
  With that she turned her back and walked away feeling her heart break even more if possible.  Coming up the path, she turned toward the dorms and started to cry just a little when she heard the stereo in someone's room start playing "Bad Habit", by Destiny's Child.  It was almost too ironic and too fitting.
  Humming to herself she sang the last few words, "can't take this bad habit no more."