The Spank-Me-Pink Knight's Tale

“Hey, Spank Me Pink Knight!  So, I guess you’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to for the last 3 days, seeing as you received no notes from me up till now.  Welllllll, I’m kind of in a jam.  The Incense King found out that we’ve been writing a bunch of notes to each other (he really needs to get over it, seeing as we’re best friends!  Man, get a life!)  So, he kind of came to my house and he kidnapped me and locked me in his stupid stable that smells like incense and it’s giving me quite the headache.  Yeah, well, I was wondering if you wanted to, I don’t know….COME SAVE ME!!!!!  He doesn’t know that I wrote you this note (HA!!), so kindly be discreet….He plans on filling this stable  with some stupid incense and suffocating me to death.  The guy is ridiculously jealous…..Anyways, PLEASE come soon!  As you WELL know, his castle is in The Kingdom of the African Herbsman.  Best Friends Forever!!
                                                                               -Klan White Knight-”

         And this is where it all began.  He was right, I WAS wondering what happened to him.  I mean, we had just had a best friend bond session several days earlier, and then he just stopped writing.  I thought that it was the advice I had given him!  I was pretty ecstatic to know that we were still best friends.  But then his message actually sunk in…..he had been kidnapped by my boyfriend, The Incense King!  I had no idea how jealous a guy can get over one woman, even if it is me! 
         So, I decided that the next step would be to pack some cute clothes and supplies, load up my horse, Malaguena, and ride off to The Kingdom of the African Herbsman.  Yeah, I know that the Klan White Knight told me to be discreet, but honestly, if I’m in town, I might as well visit my boyfriend…..even though he is my best friend’s kidnapper….
         Well, I actually took the time to think over my “brilliant plan”.  I decided that it was pretty odd, and not that discreet.  And then I remembered that the Kung Fu Master, Phat Dragon, was in town.  Another brilliant idea popped into my head.  If I could convince Phat Dragon to accompany me on my mission, then I could be true to both my boyfriend and my best friend.  I knew that I would have an easy time convincing him, I had been told previously that Phat Dragon had a bit of a crush on me. 
         I had already packed up for the trip, so I rode Malaguena over to Phat Dragon’s house.  He must have heard me coming, because as I came around the bend, there he was, practicing Kung Fu.  It figures, he was trying to show off.  I started laughing and he started blushing! 
         “Hahaha!”, I laughed aloud.
         “Hey, Spank Me Pink Knight!  I had no idea you were coming by….I always practice in the middle of the night….” exclaimed Phat Dragon.
         “Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me on a journey to The Kingdom of the African Herbsman,” I asked him.
         “Really?!?!  I mean….Why are you headed there?”
         “Well, oddly enough, my best friend, Klan White Knight, has been kidnapped by my boyfriend, the Incense King.  I would love to save my best friend without my boyfriend knowing about it.  He seems to have some sort of jealousy problem.  I was wondering if you wanted to come along with me, to be a type of diversion.”
         “Man, that sounds like tons of fun!  I would love to accompany you!”
         “Great, it won’t take that long. The Kingdom of the African Herbsman isn’t even a day away!”
         “Oh…..Well, it doesn’t matter!  We can still have SOME bonding time!  Let me just go get some supplies and I’ll be back in a flash.  Why don’t you come in, and make yourself at home?”
         “Phat Dragon, I would think that you would be a bit more discreet.  We don’t have time for fun and games!  I have a boyfriend to visit and a best friend to save!  Now go pack so we can go!”
         “Alright alright!” said Phat Dragon, a bit dejectedly.
         Soon afterwards, Phat Dragon emerged from his house with a full bag.
         “What’s in the bag?”  I asked.
         “Don’t worry about it,”  He answered mysteriously.
         “Riiiiight….Let’s go, I would like to get there at dawn.”
         “Sure thing!”  Phat Dragon exclaimed as he mounted his horse.  “Heigh-ho Silver…Away!”
         We headed off into the quiet night.  Well, I wouldn’t really say “quiet”.  Phat Dragon wanted to talk for pretty much the entire trip.  Even Malaguena was rolling her eyes! 
         It didn’t take that long to reach The Kingdom of the African Herbsman, thank goodness.  We reached it at about dawn.  The only noises to be heard were the hooves of our horses and a banging at one of the stables’ doors.  I guessed that that was the one that Klan White Knight was locked up in.  I had already come up with a plan that would please all parties.  I would go up to the castle and surprise my boyfriend while Phat Dragon saved Klan White Knight.  I really wanted to save my best friend myself, but I didn’t really want to see Incense King get jealous and moody.  Phat Dragon agreed with the plan and started to lumber off to the stables.
         “Can you at least TRY to be discreet?!” I stage-whispered to Phat Dragon.  I didn’t want Incense King to catch us and suffocate Klan White Knight!
         “Oh….right!  So sorry!” Phat Dragon apologized profusely. 
         I shook my head and headed to the castle while Phat Dragon quickly galloped behind the stable, out of view.  Luckily, it was time for the changing of the guards, so Phat Dragon wasn’t caught.  I decided that the best way to keep Incense King away from the front of the castle (the closest to the stables) was to, obviously, keep him at the back!  It sounds silly, but his main living quarters were at the back of the castle.  I headed out back, keeping quiet so I could really surprise him!  After a couple minutes (it’s a really big castle) I finally came upon the windows to his main quarters. 
         I guess I should explain that the castle is very wide and four stories tall.  The only way into his main living quarters from the outside is by a tree conveniently located very close to the castle.  I tied Malaguena to the base of this tree, hopped onto her back, and climbed up.  I was hoping that nobody would see me, because I would probably be mistaken for an intruder and be shot by many arrows.  What I was doing was taking a chance on my life!  And luckily, I hid in the tree’s foliage right before a guard on the roof could see me. 
         As the guard started walking to the other side of the roof, I threw a branch at the window to catch the Incense King’s attention.  It took three branches and a squirrel to actually get him to wake up and walk over to the window.  He is apparently a very deep sleeper.  It was worth waking him up though, just to see his face when he looked out the window and saw me swinging from the high branches in the tree.
         “What the--?  Oh wow!  Hey!!  I had no idea you were stopping by!”  proclaimed Incense King.
         “Yeah, neither did I!  Care to extend your arm and help me out of this tree?”  I said.
         “Haha, sure!  What time is it?”  He asked, looking a bit confused. 
         “Dawn.  I had the impulse to come over  really early, so we could spend the whole day together!”  I said excitedly.
         “Sweet!  Hop on in the window and I’ll yell for one of the servants to bring us breakfast.”
         “Sounds good to me!”  I say as I hop in the window.
         “You have branches and acorns in your hair…..Did you throw a squirrel at my window?” 
         “Yeah, I guess it worked!  Hahaha!”  I doubled over in laughter, and so did he.
         As we ate breakfast, we chatted about what was going on  in our lives.  It was going along great, until we heard someone yelp in joy, “Well, it’s about time you showed up!”
         Incense King jumped up from his seat.  “What was that?!”
         I jumped up from my seat too. “What was what?  I didn’t hear anything….”
         “I should go check that out…”
         “No you shouldn’t!”
         “Yeah, I think I should.  Wait here…”
         “I really think that that is a very bad idea.”  I implored him to sit down and ignore the obvious sounds of Klan White Knight.
         Incense King looked at me with slit eyes and raised eyebrows.  “Why exactly did you stop by so early in the morning?”
         “To see you….”  I say as my eyes darted around the room.
         “Klan White Knight wrote you ANOTHER letter didn’t he?!  Oh man, I thought that that would stop after I locked him up in a stable!  Geez!  I should have suffocated him right after I had him kidnapped!”  He paced around the room.
         “Would you relax?  He’s my best friend, he is ALLOWED to write me letters…..Did you say SUFFOCATE him?!  I thought he was just being dramatic!”  I said in amazement.
         “No, he was serious.  I am SO tired of him!”
         “Stop…..being…..so….DRAMATIC!  Honestly, don’t you have more important things to worry about, being a king and all?!”  It was obvious that I was getting a bit frustrated.
         “NO!!”  He obviously had run out of words.
         I shook my head.  “Listen, you are going to have to get over this.  See a therapist or something, this is getting ridiculous.  You can’t just go out and try and suffocate my best friend with your floral incense every time we communicate!”
         Incense King sat down, looking a bit depressed.  “Yeah yeah, I know.  I just wanted some attention.  I knew that you would come and save him.  I mean, he IS your best friend.”
         I stared at him with blank comprehension, shaking my head.  “You are crazy.  Crazy in love.”
         “Hahaha, yeah, I know.  Let’s go get Klan White Knight and have some breakfast.”
         “Now you’re talking.”
         As Incense King opened the door to go retrieve my locked up friend, a husky guard ran right into him.  They knocked each other to the ground.  I started laughing hysterically.
         “Your Majesty!  So sorry!  I ran up here to inform you that we just caught Klan White Knight attempting an escape with the Kung Fu Master, Phat Dragon!  Luckily, we caught them and tossed them both into the stable,” The guard  chatted away.
         “Don’t be silly, Klan White Knight is now allowed out and about……By the way, did you happen to lock the stable?”  asked Incense King.
         “Um….Yes!…..Well…..No, I guess I forgot…..” He blathered on.
         “Don’t even bother, you are dismissed,”  Said Incense King.  The Guard went back out the way he came in.
         “You know, if we hop out your window into the tree and climb down, we can catch them before they ride off,”  I stated.
         “Sounds good to me, let’s go!”  Incense King yelled as he hopped out the window.
         We  climbed down as fast as we could.  Incense King took off, heading towards the stables on foot.  I shook my head, because Malaguena was still tied up to the tree, and it takes a couple minutes to get to the front of the castle.  It takes even longer on foot.  I galloped passed Incense King laughing my head off.
         I reached the front of the castle just as Phat Dragon and Klan White Knight were hopping on horses.  “Wait!”  I yelled.
         They turned around and motioned to me to ride faster so we could “escape”. 
         “Don’t be silly!  It’s all good now!  I talked to him!”  I hysterically yelled.
         “Now is NOT the time to joke!”  yelled Klan White Knight.
         “I’m serious!  Look, here comes Incense King!”  I said.
         “Ahh!  Ride!”  yelped Klan White Knight. 
         As he was yelping, I rode over to him, and knocked him off his horse.  Incense King arrived shortly after, a bit out of breath.  We all started laughing, except for Phat Dragon, who had panicked and rode off a short time ago.
         “Well, boys, I think that it’s about time we actually sit down and eat.  I’m starved.”  I proclaimed.
         “Yeah I’m in favor of that.  Just as long as it is AWAY from this stable.  It smells like floral incense.”  Stated Klan White Knight.
         “YOU smell like floral incense.”  I shook my head.
         “Come on, let’s go inside.  Who wants pancakes?”  Incense King said, laughing.
         I put my arms around them both, laughing like a hyena.  “What would I do without you guys?”
         In unison, they said “Not much, Spank Me Pink Knight, not much.”
         Incense King and Klan White Knight still aren’t the closest of friends, but at least now they don’t want to kill each other!  And THAT is always a good thing, my friends, it always is.