Warmth of the Family (version 2)

Andrew took a quick look at the rear view mirror. More of a habit of sorts while driving since he couldn’t actually see anything outside because of the darkness. Instead he saw Eddie in a relaxed, almost lying position in the backseat with a bottle of some cheap whiskey in his lap. He looked bored out of his mind. Andrew glanced right at his girlfriend, Julie, the beautiful blond goddess of his, who just stared blankly outside. Andrew smiled a bit, he always enjoyed the quiet.

Eddie let out a loud sigh. Andrew’s smile faded away as he saw from Eddie’s face that he was about to speak.

“You know, I've been thinking-” Eddie started.

“Didn't see that coming,” Julie quickly mocked just to interrupt him. Eddie wishfully tried to stare a hole in the back of her head. Andrew sighed.

“Okay, tell us what's on your mind?” Andrew asked Eddie to continue before the two engaged in a verbal combat.

“Remind me again, why do you put up with her? Her snotty remarks can't be it. Even a lobotomized zombie could make up better ones. So clearly it's not the absent intellect, which leaves… Well, an annoying little cunt who's easy on the eye,” Eddie vented his annoyance, slumping on the backseat, staring at his brother through the mirror.

“Don't start this again,” Andrew advised him with a quick stare back.

“Me? Are you bloody deaf? Your hellcat here started it!” Eddie snapped. Andrew was glad Eddie couldn’t see Julie smirking through the mirror.

“Why does she bug you so much? Why do you let her get to you like that?”

“I have a list if you want to see it,” Eddie muttered.

“Save it,” Andrew sighed.

“If you wish. Still, it must be one hell of a reason,” Eddie wondered and calmed himself down with a sip of whiskey.

“Reason? What reason?” Andrew frowned. It took him a while to figure out what the hell Eddie was talking about. He didn’t care to respond back when he got on the same page as him.

“Hellcat got your tongue? I have a list of things why she should be left on the side of the road bleeding without her limbs, but instead you choose to keep her close. Is she really that good in bed?” Eddie asked and lit up a smoke.

“Otherworldly,” Andrew replied, and decided to leave it at that.

“I always send your brother to heaven when we have the chance, dear Edward,” Julie said softly and rubbed Andrew’s thigh. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Heaven? That's hell for us unholy creatures, dear bimbo,” Eddie snorted, emphasizing the bimbo-part.

“Hell then,” Julie corrected.

“A place of eternal pain and torture. Plus it's all flamey, getting caught on fire is not pretty and healthy for us,” Eddie paused to think, “No, wait, scratch that not pretty-part, I think it would look good on you, “ Eddie smirked and puffed his smoke.

“… It was just a metaphor,” Julie sighed. He hated when Eddie clung on to her words.

“Which one? Hell is Heaven or Heaven is Hell?” Eddie teased, but not in a “I like you”-kind of way.

“Guys…” Andrew interrupted, hoping they would stop the nonsense. He wasn’t surprised when they both ignored him completely. Whatever.

“Heaven… No, Hell,” Julie always tried hard to stay on top of things, but she knew now that she was starting to get just a little bit confused.

“Which is it?” Eddie taunted. He took pleasure in Julie’s discomfort, and a wide smile spread across his face when Julie started to show slight signs of confusion.

“Hell…?” Julie half-asked, she wasn’t sure anymore. Eddie snorted and took another puff.

“It burns. Not heavenly, not in my books anyway.”

“Oh shut up! I meant Heaven, as in Hell as in no flames or pain, just the pleasure you get like you were in Heaven, without the holiness which burns so without the flames. I mean Hell, there are no flames in Heaven, unless you count the holy ones, which wouldn’t burn because they aren’t in...” Julie vented out her frustration. After her own rant she felt clueless and decided to shut up. Andrew frowned at her pouting. Eddie’s smile almost split his face in half.

“Well listen to her, not making a lick of sense as usual,” Eddie mocked.





“She meant it's like a heaven for me, satisfying, pure pleasure, not Heaven or Hell in a literal sense. Just drop it already,” Andrew clarified, although he knew Eddie was just messing with her. But Julie looked like she could use some support, Andrew thought and saw a little smile appear on Julie’s face as she gave him a warm appreciative look.

“Oh I got what she meant, unlike miss “what's a spoon” here I happen to use my brain,” Eddie ranted on, waving the bottle of whiskey in his hand as he spoke.

“Didn't know I could hate you this much,” Julie muttered.

“There must be a great deal you don't know, I'm just adding to it,” Eddie snorted.

“Cut it off, both of you! You act like little brats, arguing all the goddamn time! And you still wonder why I sometimes take off?! Geez, just give me a fucking break already!” Andrew smacked his hands against the steering wheel. He felt like snapping any second. Centuries of this shit, how much more can I possibly take.

Both Julie and Eddie sat silently after Andrew’s outburst. They knew he had a short fuse, and ugly things tended to happen when it burned out. After a couple of minutes of silence Andrew thought he had taken control of the situation. But seeing Eddie’s pondering expression he knew it wasn’t over yet.

“I always figured it's her fault, you know, you bolting. I'm your brother, family and all, you wouldn't bail on me,” Eddie finally said, stubbing out the cigarette on the backseat. It wasn’t their car so he didn’t care.

“Like the time you didn't bail on me for fifty years?” Andrew muttered.

“Well that was different now wasn't it? You know, with your betrayal and all. It wasn’t my fault I had to leave,” Eddie defended himself.

“You didn't know the whole story then.”

“Well I know it now, and I understand why you sold us out.”

“I didn't sell you out. I had a plan, I just couldn’t tell you about it,” Andrew explained.

“And a good plan it was. Nothing’s more fun than getting ambushed and seeing your fang gang getting sliced into pieces, just so you could save this little bitch queen… I barely made it out of there myself,” Eddie reminisced and took a good long zip of the whiskey. Andrew didn’t like talking about the subject.

“But like I said, I get it why you had to do it. I would've acted like a sane person instead, but I guess we're different that way,” Eddie sighed.

“Thank the gods for that,” Julie snorted. Eddie raised an eyebrow on the comment but didn’t bother to cling on to it.

“… Yeah, I suppose. But the point was that we, Andrew, we’re a real family, blood ties and such before all this happened. She's just some hag you picked up from the next village,” Eddie said.

“I need a stake,” Julie sighed.

“If you think about it, Julie is a blood relative too. We exchanged blood back then,” Andrew said. Immediately after saying that he sighed and knew he should have kept his mouth shut. From the mirror he saw that whatever weird, dim light bulb Eddie had just short circuited.

“… So, what you're saying is… you're boinking your sister? Or daughter? Which one is the most disturbing image, stick with it,” Eddie cringed and smiled at the same time.

“… You think way too much,” Andrew sighed again and hoped Eddie was done.

“But to me she is like a step-sister… and Mary's the same to you. So, if we swapped it wouldn't be incest, now would it?” Eddie explored his thoughts further. Andrew and Julie were not happy that he did it aloud, and after looking at each other they decided it would be best to say nothing at all.

“No, I'd never touch your beloved Julie, unless I got really hard wood,” Eddie paused to see if Julie would react to his comment. He could almost hear her cringe. “Don’t worry, I meant a sharp wooden object. Or an axe,” Eddie said and lit up his last smoke. His turn to cringe.

“You'd spray me to death?” Julie said, hoping Eddie would take the bait and turn the conversation away from the disgusting topic. She still shivered at the thought of having sex with him.

“… I almost hope that was a pathetic attempt at being funny. Almost because your simplicity is an endless source of laughter. How could I suffocate you when you have no breath? Not that my mind doesn't enjoy the imagery of emptying a can of deodorant down your throat,” Eddie snorted.

“I wasn't being serious,” Julie muttered, glad that she had succeeded.

“Here comes the blondie-save!” Eddie declared and downed the last of his whiskey.

“Blondie-save? What the hell is that? Something you just made up?” Andrew wondered and took a left turn.

“No, it's this thing stupid people say when they have proven themselves… well, stupid,” Eddie tried to explain.

“Why is it called a blondie-save? Why pick on the blonds? What did we ever do to you?” It was Julie’s turn to wonder.

“Don’t get me started on that. Actually, there’s a very old myth about the origins of the blondie-save,” Eddie started and paused for the impending interruption.

“A myth about blonds? I find that very hard to believe,” Julie frowned.

“This one has to be true, you are a sort of living proof of it,” Eddie smirked.

“So what does this “myth” of yours tell us?” Julie asked, waiting for the inevitable.

“It goes something like: “If you got blond hair, you can’t help but to be bloody stupid,” Eddie said and laughed. “I know, a stupid joke but the audience was just right,” he continued.

“Like the color of my hair has anything to do with my intelligence,” Julie sighed.

“No, but your lack of brains does,” Eddie quickly responded. He saw they had finally arrived at their destination.

“We're here. Shut up and focus,” Andrew said, parking the car next to an old house in the middle of nowhere. He jumped out of the car and pushed the front seat down so Eddie could get out of the car as well.

“Finally,” Eddie said and crawled out of the backseat. He cringed at the bright yellow car. “Didn’t remember the car we stole was this bloody ugly,” he said and then followed his brother who already had entered the house. Julie was right behind them and she looked like something was bothering her.

“By the way, what was the thing on your mind earlier, Eddie? When you had been thinking, or doing whatever it is you do when you think you’re thinking?” Julie asked and glanced at Eddie.

“I pretty much thought about leaving you limbless on the side of the road, but… Yeah,” Eddie said and entered the house.

“Oh,” Julie said to herself and took her time to look around the area. Heavy and thick darkness surrounded her, and she got the feeling that something was slightly off. The eerie feeling started growing stronger, and she rushed inside the house.