..in those lost days back at school. |
Had I anything to tell you, in those lost days back in school - doing wheelies, dragging bumpers, riding cardboard over ice -- I should have told you, at the pond in the field of Oklahoma, I was too young, and hadn't a clue who I was, outside my spirit and my heart. I was a waitress in some college bar where jocks and drunks flew through windows, and somebody was stabbed one night in '75. Even old memories have flavors. Jelly touches the tongue. Had I anything to tell you as I waxed and waned in indecision of my life's direction - I could have mentioned that I lived through other people's lives; watching as they hurtled through infatuation, love and fractured vows only youth can claim. I'd never had a blueprint, in a life that seemed to wander; and my soul circled endlessly through corridors of books. down rows and rows of thousands of numbers in a library, where knowledge was a letter on a floor in a room and a syllabus was guidance for the journey. And I copied and wrote and hid and wondered what should I do; and I retreated to a space of not knowing. You knew better than I what age would do to our chances. Had I anything to tell you, I guess I really should have said, I was happy that you loved me, and sad that our troubles were such distractions, and that it was NOT a waste what we attempted. But I was the young one, and my senses were illusions, and the damage was too deep and scattered to repair. |